-Incredible -True -Facts -Space the incredible true facts of space as discovered by a person living within space. A guide to living within space. The Truth about magnets chad bowers. The truth about space. Incredible. incredible true facts about space and the truth about magnets. volgoth, planet volgon, and frodus are real these things should be self evident. scrummy de la mancha e'Texas presento el trutho la cultura moderne.
The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
href la tifos | titfos art gallerie
The fastest way to travel between any two points?...before them.
- posted by Chad @ 17:41
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True, hyperspace will make you sick,
also True, you will probably develop
Hyperspatial elf inflamation.
- posted by Chad @ 17:23
The grand unification theory can only be written on a 1967 IBM Mag Tape Selectric Typewriter. In fact it was written on a 1967 IBM Mag Tape Selectric Typewriter in the small town of Grove Hill Al, by a bored foreman working the night shift at the Scoth Lumber Mill. The G.U.T. or Grand Unification Theory was written and stored on a Magnetic Tape that one could play back at a later time to Justify and print the stored raw text. Just as the final period was punched into the key pad, the man vanished.
His vanishing had nothing to do with the grand unificaiton theory, in fact his vanishing it is totally unexplainable. Thankfully the tape survived and is now resting beneath a large trash dump just outside of a small town in Alabama, on a small planet called Earth.
- posted by Chad @ 17:31
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25.2.03
For Sale: 1997 CentoSpace Cruiser TSi (.5 GRM.Lsec) - seats/sleeps 4, good upolstery,
real clean inside and out, working fixtures, and class C sanitation certified for
use in Volgon space. Main dislocation drive still clear with random over .5 at full load.
Gotta Sale, *6750 obo. 817-788-0627 x 242
- posted by Chad @ 21:14
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24.2.03
space log March 9, 2064 - Attempting to time travel back to good ol' March 7th, over.
- posted by Chad @ 16:53
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space log March 8, 2064 - Conditions deteriorating
- posted by Chad @ 16:52
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space log March 7, 2064 - Things still sucking.
- posted by Chad @ 16:49
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18.2.03
Space Debris is a growing problem, more and more shit is just floating around out there, nuts, bolts, planets. It is a mess.
- posted by Chad @ 22:15
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Volgoth the elder once said, "He who eats pie, eats it without my permission"
This is why the people of Volgon7 were elimated.
- posted by Chad @ 11:47
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There are little people inside every atom, and inside each of them, there is a small picture of you, it's that photo of you in the bathtub.
- posted by Chad @ 11:43
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11.2.03
Dark Energy makes up 73% of the Universe, and yet there you are with none.
- posted by Chad @ 23:15
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In the early 21 century Earth's brightest scientists figured out that the Universe was flat. They based this on their math, which worked best when things were flat. That's the kind of people they were.
- posted by Chad @ 23:14
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the Truth about Magnets;
Magnets are evil.
- posted by Chad @ 15:22
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9.2.03
If you like to spit every fifth spoonful of soup unto your hosts table, you are not alone, this is quite polite
among the Volgons of Volga 5. Tell that to you uncooth friends.
- posted by Chad @ 12:50
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Universally, the number one cause of physical discomfort?
- Hyper-Spatial Elf Inflamation.
- posted by Chad @ 12:49
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8.2.03
When you get stuck writing a rap song,
just throw in today's date, it's what we call the secret weapon of rap.
- posted by Chad @ 18:46
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If you get the chance to ruin a perfectly good planet,
strip malls and parking lots are a good start.
- posted by Chad @ 18:45
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The difference between genius and insanity can me summed up with basic math. Sure 1+0=1,
thats Genius, but 1000x0=0, thats insanity,
and that is why I'am going to kill all of you.
- posted by Chad @ 18:44
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The greatest gift that one can give, is the gift of more gifts. That way others can continue to give.
In nature we call that the food chain, and in life it's called recycling.
- posted by Chad @ 18:39
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It all began as the classic boy meets girl story, where the girl becomes a princess and the boy becomes addicted to pain killers, and
the police don't believe the truth, which is the only thing that I have left, which is the reason that what I was forced to do, is justified, and that
is the only thing my lawyer will allow me to say about that.
- posted by Chad @ 18:37
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There are four corners, and in the four corners exist 3 men, the 3 men talk about 5 things, this is the way it has always been.
note: last word is pronounced as "BEAN"
- posted by Chad @ 09:34
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7.2.03
When people on Earth say that there are only three things to know about, INSERT RANDOM SUBJECT, and
then they say, the same thing three times. That is why Frodus the elder is trying to kill us.
- posted by Chad @ 17:13
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If you meet a person who is not there, don't tell the police.
hint: The police are in on it.
- posted by Chad @ 17:13
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It is true that there is a restaurant at the edge of the universe but it's not as good as they say.
Often places like that, put more importance on where they are, rather than what they serve.
- posted by Chad @ 17:11
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At this very moment in time, a billion eyes are watching you. 500 million of them
voted that you would sneeze before your next urination, the other 500 million of them
belong to Frodus who thinks you are an optical illusion.
- posted by Chad @ 17:06
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6.2.03
If your math, can't handle a "perfect" sphere, you can forget about time travel,
'cause brother, your still in third grade, and graduation, well she's off
dancin' with a young man wearing tomorrow's fashions today.
- posted by Chad @ 16:59
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Magnets are a good example of something you only pretend to understand.
- posted by Chad @ 16:56
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5.2.03
If you live on Mars in a glass house, you should not have sent me that nasty fucking letter. I hate you Dr. Zhan!
- posted by Chad @ 10:14
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True, No one in Space can hear your scream, but everyone can see your soul shadow. It looks like a fish.
- posted by Chad @ 10:14
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Another benefit of infinite world's, Japanese Space Kittens who vomit video games.
- posted by Chad @ 09:14
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3.2.03
The easiest way to kill space bugs is with french fish.
- posted by Chad @ 13:42
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One thing that will surprise you, is that the sunshine, tastes like honey, Zovian honey.
- posted by Chad @ 13:41
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1.2.03
One planet I never get tired of is, tire planet, mostly because of the tires, and the tire fires, and the strong smell of tires.
- posted by Chad @ 00:34
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The thing about warp drive that confuses most people is slipping the clutch.
- posted by Chad @ 00:33
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If you play chess while visiting planet Volgon, forget everything you know about chess because
frankly, Volgon chess will seem a lot more like golf to a person like you.
- posted by Chad @ 00:32
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Sure the Truth will set you free, but on Zlon it will also stain your teeth, Permanately!
- posted by Chad @ 00:31
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When you buy your next interstellar craft, dont get to hung up on the upolstery, I know this guy that can
take care of that for you.
- posted by Chad @ 00:30
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The best toilets in the Tri-Galaxies, carry the Dura-Flush label.
- posted by Chad @ 00:30
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There's this planet called Earth, but watchout, they're Carbon!
- posted by Chad @ 00:29
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If you purchase paint more than once a year, you owe it to yourself to
visit paint-country on paintworld. If its not on paintworld, its probably
just shellac.
- posted by Chad @ 00:29
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When sleeping during deep space hibernation, try not to dream about naked women.
Its a trick. Tricky Zorlons!
- posted by Chad @ 00:28
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The problem with space food?
The ketchup is really blood.
- posted by Chad @ 00:27
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If you meet a hyper spatial reality elf, dont panic.
quietly lie down, close your eyes and breathe,
and one more thing,
you've got space fever.
- posted by Chad @ 00:26
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Many people have wondered what is behind the wall at the edge of reality.
Well, there's a Mcdonalds back there for one thing.
- posted by Chad @ 00:24
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Universely the number one cause of physical discomfort?
Hyperspatial Elf Infalmation.
- posted by Chad @ 00:22
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If you find yourself stranded on planet momba because of a lack of cash, relax, your fingernails are
worth a fortune there. but be careful! They are highly illegal.
- posted by Chad @ 00:22
31.3.03
Even at the speed of light, we wondered about the speed of water, and the speed of solids, this is the way the aliens teased us. That is why we didn't stay longer.
- posted by Chad @ 13:43
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27.3.03
Perhaps you have heard of a Taito game called Space Invaders, but you didn't know that is was based on a real life event.
It was Christmas Eve 1975, 3 Japanese schoolkids, waiting for Santa-san to appear in the sky above Hokkaido
saw row upon row of aliens advancing slowly from Venus.
Realizing the threat to Earth they quickly cobbled together a laser blaster from the hubcap, spark-plugs and battery of a parked car.
They moved left and right, blasting aliens out of the sky. After about four waves, the aliens gave up and the Earth was saved.
The next morning the kids were rewarded with figgy pudding and inspired the greatest arcade game of all time.
- posted by Chad @ 14:45
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The Earth's Sun known as "blinky-00a6481g294xrz-567" on the 4th General Pan Galactic Chart is currently brighter than 10,000 standard light bulbs. 10,000!
- posted by Chad @ 14:34
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Volgoth the elder say, "don't quote me."
- posted by Chad @ 14:30
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24.3.03
Teleportation tollways are always a travel hazzard, beware of PirateSpace� toll-trolls and over priced coffee.
- posted by Chad @ 15:08
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20.3.03
One out of 3 Frodus Umbrella Corporation employees who received a promotion were found to have been using a coffee mug with the company logo on it.
- posted by Chad @ 11:28
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19.3.03
Volgon Help Line� understands that your time is valuable and they want you to know that
your planet is very important to them so please continue to hold, a representative will be with you shortly,
they are currently experiencing a higher than normal call volume.
- posted by Chad @ 18:15
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17.3.03
Earth art is primarily characterized by the canvas pattern on most notable works, dividing study of Earth art into two
fields, Earth-Canvas and Earth-Other.
- posted by Chad @ 12:23
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15.3.03
Chinese Food Traveling tip:
What Earthlings call an Egg Roll, most of the universe calls a fried cabbage tube.
- posted by Chad @ 11:33
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14.3.03
If you have to make the jump through hyperspace, go in as drunk as possible. Your gonna be throwing up and hungover anyway.
- posted by Chad @ 18:35
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Thought Crime and "persID" chips don't make you a criminal but they do make you liable for just about everything in 2011.
- posted by Chad @ 18:34
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13.3.03
When Frodus bit Grandpa's head off, one bad thing that happened was that nobody noticed
for about three days since we were in hyperspace. Also after that Frodus was still in the ship
and it smelled God awful.
- posted by Chad @ 19:01
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There is no reason to fear the hyperspatial reality elfs. Unless you are reading this. Tell no one!
- posted by Chad @ 18:19
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12.3.03
WISDOM of AGES-Zovian Prophetus say:
Toaster hooked to internet not make you happy / probably not make you toast either.
- posted by Chad @ 11:57
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This date in Volgon history--March18th T-minus:2500/Kubles:
Volgoth the Elder invents Spork(TM) Technology propeling the entire Volgon Galaxy to overnight wealth and power.
The galaxy's golden dream of a uni-utencil is fullfilled by Volgoth's dramatically designed fork-like-spoon-like-
utencil, allowing one to eat both breakfast cereal and Mulli(TM) worms with the same implement.
- posted by Chad @ 11:52
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The Universe is indeed very similar in structure to a doughnut,
but that being said, one must also admit that a Cow is very much like a basketball.
- posted by Chad @ 11:42
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4.3.03
space log November 4, 2003 - Convinced that time machine is broken or malfunctioning at best, I'm stuck in early 21st century, help? - over.
- posted by Chad @ 08:33
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Volgoth the elder say, "When thou make use of occupied public relief room, thy must at least pretend to wash thou's paw."
- posted by Chad @ 08:28
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Volgoth the elder say, "When thou leavest occupied public relief room, a farting shall be heard as thy cross the door."
- posted by Chad @ 08:25
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3.3.03
If you fall into a black hole, TURN OFF your cell phone, we are sick of it.
- posted by Chad @ 10:20
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vibrations create heat, and heat creates vibrations.
The vibration is the hand of God, and the heat is some other thing.
- posted by Chad @ 10:02
The things you don't know about gravity would amuse you. Hint: It has more to do with magnetism than you would like to believe.
- posted by Chad @ 11:41
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87 Billion Years ago you wrote this on the wall of a church, while surfing the internet.
- posted by Chad @ 11:38
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13.5.03
There is no safe way to turn off a Star once activated. Some have suggested deflating the helium valances, but this only causes rapid condensation of matter in the proximity coils. The best solution is a timecubing your way to depletion or allowing nature to take its course. In any case remember that once activated a Star death however premature will effect your reality rating negatively and is not reversible.
- posted by Chad @ 18:28
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11.5.03
The best food for Earth is nachos.
- posted by Chad @ 15:58
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The directionality of star shine was discovered in 1988.
- posted by Chad @ 15:51
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Space Men know that a close shave is keen, that's why more Space Men choose Radium Lazer Creme! Only Radium Lazer Creme uses patented Radiation to literally eat new hair growth away, only Radium Lazer Creme gives you Baby Ass softness for years at a time. Want a close shave? Time Travel? Tired of arriving with a beard down to your waist? Next time try Radium Lazer Creme it the first Choice of Space Men!
- posted by Chad @ 13:45
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8.5.03
When you are using planet sized instruments to measure microscopic particles take great care not to make the rooky mistake of overestimating the size of the thing you are measuring. This is how the Earth's moon was accidentally created.
- posted by Chad @ 17:56
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5.5.03
Volgon the elder would like to start by saying that he is not a racist, but would then like to add that if one more of those lazy f'ing Zlon fail to
clean out the caba caba tank before his next movement, he will strike fear into the very soul of the tri galaxy prime.
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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1.5.03
There are people that grow grass and dry it out, and then they cook it at a high tempature until it explodes, and then they wrap it in wax paper and build a box around it, and then they find animals, and find a way to get at its internal liquids without killing it and then they put the internal liquids on the exploded grass, and then they eat it before they go to work?
- posted by Chad @ 22:02
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There is a gallon of water inside the sun.
- posted by Chad @ 21:57
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The truth about Earth's moon is that its metal surface was not the first of the great accomplishments of Vogon Industrial Engineering. VIE did not manufacture its first planetoid until 1887 near Quotile.
- posted by Chad @ 21:56
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Note to 21st Centurty Earth Readers:
If you are looking for time travelers, Barnes and Nobles is a good place to try. Time travelers often hang out at bookstores, visiting us page by page. Yes, they come for coffee, but they also like to read our magazines or at least look at them. Watch for people that seem to enjoy the advertisements more than anything else.
- posted by Chad @ 21:53
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On hearing voices in your head, Imagine if you were deaf or at least thought you were deaf and you were always hearing voices and the voices were in sync with the outside world, but not this world, some other world, and the things you heard were evidence that you could use to prove the falsehood of this world, but when you tried to share this, you keep hearing nothing but the manipulative opinions of that false world coming back at you. This is only the beginning of what the magnets are trying to say to you.
- posted by Chad @ 21:45
17.6.03
Frodus the elder, grandfather of Frodus, killed off nearly 200,000 inhabitants of planet Fredo during a severe bout of uncontrolable flatulence.
- posted by Chad @ 16:21
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The hand that holds a magnet, holds a strange force indeed.
- posted by Chad @ 15:41
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The universe is measured in smiles, and my face is measured in smiles, and your face too. The Earth is two smiles wide.
- posted by Chad @ 15:38
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16.6.03
.03 percent of reality would like to say a few things on behalf of it's missing majority. Specifically it would like to say, "measure me and you measure your measure." and also, in case you haven't figured this out yet, "it's not what you think" and also, "it's nothing you are capable of thinking" and also, "i'm not really capable of talking."
- posted by Chad @ 10:05
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Exploding Star Births are a spectacle to behold, much like that guy from the roller rink that could weave his feet in and out while skating backwards, wasn't he a little old for that place?
- posted by Chad @ 10:01
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It amazing the things we do in the name of science, for instance, just yesterday I sat on the couch and watched TV in the name of science.
- posted by Chad @ 09:59
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Your theory about light speed is interesting, but not as interesting as that thing you said about a free buffet.
- posted by Chad @ 09:57
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99.97% of reality is not available for comment.
ONE BILLION:
How much is one billion? It's common knowledge that a billion has three more zeros than a million, and is one thousand times a million, but comprehending its enormous magnitude is often misunderstood. To appreciate the distance of one billion light years, the concept of one billion people, or the value of one billion dollars, let's try putting this number into perspective.
To count to one thousand, counting one number every second continuously, it would take 17 minutes. Counting to one million at the same rate, it would take 12 days (counting nonstop, day and night). But counting to one billion would take 32 years!
That's right; years.
Imagine counting $1 billion with $1,000 dollar bills (hypothetically). Using the above calculations, at the rate of $1,000 per second, you'd be counting your cash for 12 days!
Bill Gates was estimated to be worth approximately $40 billion in 1998. At the present age of 44, let's predict that he lives another 40 years. Assuming he retires tomorrow, and never earns a dime of interest, in order to deplete his funds at a constant rate over the next 40 years, he would have to spend $1 billion (or $1000 million) a year! That's $83 million a month, $19 million a week, or breaking it down further, he would have to spend over $114,000 an hour, day and night, for 40 years. Bill Gates, ladies and gentleman, is a rich man.
One final comparison: one million is one thousand thousand, and one billion is one thousand million. As illustrated below, there is an astonishing difference between an "m" and a "b" in front of "illion!" Using the same scale below (where one billion is 6 inches to the right of one million), one trillion would reside on the same line, 500 feet to the right of one billion!
- posted by Chad @ 09:55
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2.6.03
Multiverse ver.2:
TO DO! List Program Start Date 7-04-659
1.Develop standards for consistent messaging
1b. Develop standards for Approving consistency
1c. Develop standards for approval of messages
2.Develop standards for Approved messaging distribution
3.Implementation Goals for messages.
4.Sub Unit Educational Collateral
5.Working towards a language of function per member states
31.7.03
it is full of lights, stars, and patterns, oh and the music, did i mention the patterns.
It was remembered as the day everything changed, looking back for those on
Earth 2003c, that day was casual and dry except for tears of joy from something called
UNITY, videogames would never be the same, that's how we ended up here, 5000 or so
years in the future, and yes ENGLAND has a king again, and he rules the most of EARTH and
all of MARS, things are good, yet tea is $400 a pound.
Jeff Minter UNITY Journal
Something amazing is coming. Jeff Minter, celebrating creator of Atari Jaguar
classics Tempest 2000 and Defender 2000 is working feverishly on his masterpiece.
UNITY, to be published for the Nintendo GameCube and behold it will change the way people use
their consoles forever. Check it out.
UNITY Webpage
Check out the official UNITY page, bless you Peter Molyneux.
More coming soon
More on JEFF Minter
Nice interview with Mr. Minter aka YAK, he talks about light synths and
some earlier projects.
Perhaps you did not realize, but yes you do need an ATARI JAGUAR
JAGUAR FAQ
Check it out, then head over to ATARIAGE where known timetravers and Atari fanatics
are said to run wild like wildebest on the plains of Yetti 5.
ATARIage.COM
simply the best
- posted by Chad @ 23:31
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Home Star Runner RPG for Atari 2600
Mike and Matt Chapman are contributing story and art to Paul Slocums Atari 2600
RPG project. Paul has made many excellent new games for the 2600 in the ever growing
homebrew movement on the system than started it all. This will surely be a watershed
event for the resurgence of the Atari 2600 system and the homebrew community.
It is beautiful that such great games continue to come out in cartridge form for play on
real 2600 equipment. The VCS is indeed a great machine.
- posted by Chad @ 10:05
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Gator Corporation Homepage
No, I would not like to accept content from Gator Corporation.
Perhaps it would be fun to visit their homepage though.
They apparently consider themselves a real company.
- posted by Chad @ 09:47
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Make your Own Lava Lamp, Lava
Being that lava lamps were outlawed in 2036ad due to their uncanny ability to predict the thoughts
of Vogons, you may find yourself in need of one of these magical devices. Keep an eye on the specific
gravity in the recipee, and laugh out loud to yourself because as we both know, there is nothing specific
about gravity.
- posted by Chad @ 09:42
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ATARI 800
Of other interest especially to those of you using the CENTOSPACE TSi Cruiser is the
Atari 800 which because of its extreme level of RF sheilding is perfect for cheap time
dialation and travel over .05 of (rnd) constant and therefore a standard component of all
CENTOSPACE NAV units. The 48K ram is more than adequate for a quick hop.
Not to mention that this thing has a wicked good game selection for those months stuck
in wormholes or Potter snatches.
Atari 800 Game Reviews
A great place to review games for your CENTOSPACE Tsi NAV unit aka ATARI 800. If you need good games that can survice a trip
through a string valley, this is the system for you. Note: This site has many reviews for other systems as well, IchronoSPHERE
pilots will want to check the FAIRCHILD F games which should run on that piece of uh, equipment, standard in their craft.
FAIRCHILD Channel F
Screenshots of some of the lovely games playable on the IchrnoSPHERE NAV system.
Have fun you poor saps.
More FAIRCHILD CHannel F
Maybe this isn't so bad afterall. I am selling a IchronoSPHERE btw, scroll down a bits, in the parts
before I started doing this darn linking to and fro.
- posted by Chad @ 09:26
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Atari VAX emails 1982-1993
1982 memo concerning cost of speech synthesis is much fun to read, perhaps in a thousand
years the Humans will have a voice like that of our beloved Barbarella D'lexandria. ATARI offcourse
invented sub reality branch travel which is still the standard access path for 1977. Interface
through VCS drive using standard TV and joystick. This inside look is peering into the arcade side of things.
- posted by Chad @ 09:06
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30.7.03
CED Magic
CED Magic celebrates the format that almost ate RCA. Before DVD, CD, LaserDisc,
there was CED. High Quality TV and Stereo from Vinyl using needle as pick-up medium.
Communication between Earth leaders and Frodus the elder is carried out in CED, as the
technology is rock solid and at least .05 over random.
Please learn more about CED technology.
- posted by Chad @ 18:52
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Elevator World 2003 Winners
When referencing the Earth based short range transport industry I found a novel voice.
The source of this voice is Elevator World Magazine based in Mobile Alabama.
Elevator World is the trade magazine of the short range transport industry.
They conduct an annual competition where elevator professionals nominate and
vote for the Best Elevator and short range transport installations of the year.
If I were to read one Earth magazine about elevators each year I would want that magazine to be Elevator World.
If you like elevators may I reccomend OTIS elevators. OTIS
- posted by Chad @ 18:28
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On Earth capital america the paper currency so ugly that each piece not only green in color
but feature different asshole starring at you. This remind people of their superiors and
make them feeling so guilty for spending "dough" on unneeded
items for fat laden conspicious Earth lifestyle.
- posted by Chad @ 10:20
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Frodus the Elder is pleased to announce Pasta-Pony bites, the newest addition to the Frodus Frozen Foods Family.
Pasta-Pony bites contain the finest semolina wheat pasta cut into pony shape (Earth Pony) and stuffed with a unique
blend of roquefort cheese that is *made solely from the milkfat of conquered planets bovine populations. Build healthy
bones and healthy attitudes in your little cadet, feed him our future and you feed him right.
*(no more than 5% indigenous protein by weight)
- posted by Chad @ 10:17
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FOR SALE: 2001 IchronoSPHERE Dialater / serviced positronic limiter intact with new rotors, leather interior
immaculate. kitrometer shows .05 over random. Needs work on mechanicals, quantum exciter does not
function currently not sure what problem is but probably a cheap fix, Sacrifice at $1500 - 425-653-9790 darin
- posted by Chad @ 09:16
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Centrality Rule Ledger:
Multiverse Ver 2
HOC 01:376:87-3
Magnets, may not be used for cross dimensional energy transference, without a signed treaty
from the lower threshold system or lowest threshold system of any construct. This does not apply
for entertainment purposes and you may find yourself entertained by this phenomenon.
- posted by Chad @ 09:03
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29.7.03
If you think it's bad now, just wait until later. Without time travel this is your path.
If you could go back in time, you'd be home by now. What to know more? Ask1,2,B1
- posted by Chad @ 16:43
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Dark energy is splitting the universe, and all the deregulation in the world will not stop this.
However if you choose Light Energy� now, you could save up to 10% on your reality account.
DARK ENERGY SPLITTING UNIVERSE
Nice, it has begun!
- posted by Chad @ 12:06
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25.7.03
It wasn't the boredom that killed the dinosaurs it was the disembodied thumb of David Hasselhof.
- posted by Chad @ 14:50
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If it looks like a Volgon and smells like a Volgon, it may be a Volgon, or you may have soiled yourself.
"rules of engagement Vol 6"
- posted by Chad @ 14:48
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There is water under the water, carries the water.
- posted by Chad @ 14:46
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Earth is the only place one can buy a good diet Coke.
- posted by Chad @ 14:46
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7.7.03
Gravity? no, Inertia? yes! 3d? no, 11d? yes!
- posted by Chad @ 17:40
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The total lack of brain matter is not enough to convince the Phegons of Phogus7 that they are in fact retards.
- posted by Chad @ 17:38
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The Earth's sun is frozen solid at it's core.
- posted by Chad @ 17:37
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There are places in the world and fish in the sea that are not what they seem to be.
- posted by Chad @ 17:34
MTV video image awards, (sucked)
Why I do not like popular music.
Early last century our popular culture traded image for music in the domain of popular culture, I suppose it started with radio, or perhaps recorded music itself. The idea that the music and the band that performed it were connected in a meaningful way. Only with this connection can we concern ourselves with the brand associations between lyric and the lyricist today.
With the advent of wax cylinders and records, music itself introduced the public to the direct artistic interplay and duality of the performer and his music as one connected work. Radio continued this trend and furthered it with the fact that it's audience naturally became a de-facto groupthink commitee co-operatively voting on an average popularity for certain artists and songs, as this trend continued to pick up speed, we were treated to a new kind of wealth courtesy of the second world war, which spawned a free time for a youth culture complete with money and access to products marketed directly to them. All groups need a symbol to define them and music is an obvious choice for defining any group, it is primal and direct in a way that few symbols dream of.
The staid white culture for reasons of simple generational and parent/child psychological dynamics practically demanded their youth to listen to black rock and roll, trace elements of the establishment value system within the symbol seeking teens creates a groupthink doppleganger of this music in white rock, and a new industry is born. Television further seperates the music from the music itself, for now we require of our defining symbolism, not only attitude, but image, and product associations, and the music while still the carrier wave of this truck load of symbol baggage, lumbers on, still absolutely potent but not music as music, but a new groupthink of image, attitude, and product, that sits before the music and is dutifully carried by the music. As this continues to develop each successive army of young people is further deluded by what is by this point, not even a true reflection of themselves but instead a marketing scheme that takes advantage of cultural symbolism and trades meaning for nothing more than the image of meaning. Pop is indeed eating itself, and making no apology for it, but rather celebrating it. The consumer is in fact being trained not only to accept image over substance, but to blatantly celebrate it and flaunt their consumerism
as everyone of them is told that they are in fact the star, we are all in the movie, we are all in the band, by embracing image over substance, we are made to feel that we have conquered it and become the master of a game between those who can live the definition and those who can't afford it. In the end however all we really have, is a lot of people wearing the emperors new clothes and entire generations that don't know the difference between art and product.
This is why I dislike MTV, this is why I do not care for commercial radio.
- posted by Chad @ 13:48
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29.8.03
MARS
I looked at Mars through our 4 inch telescope. Perhaps you have heard that Mars is now closer to our Earth than it has been for 56000 years.
If you have not taken a look, you may want to, just in case someone in the next 50000 years asks, "So did you happen to get a good look at Mars back there in '03 when it was so close to Earth." It certainly sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime.
So, Laura and I are on the back porch trying to TUNE in Mars on the telescope, and finally, I dial in, and focus right up on the red planet itself. It must have been at least twice the size of any other star in the sky. The telescope did its job with great enthusiasm, bringing the god of war planetoid thousands of times closer to my retina, which resulted in a small white dot.
All I can think is that this must have been a way better experience 50000 years ago, else, why would anyone mention it. By the way, the Earth's gravity this evening will be at its greatest intensity since the great graviton wave of 2,000,000 BC. Perhaps you will drop something and be amazed at its rapid descent to the floor.
- posted by Chad @ 09:02
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28.8.03
Bumper Stickers
Driving to work, a time of day that I listen to radio station commercials and think about dreams,
the truck in the lane left of me is decorated in very deliberately placed level and square bumper stickers.
Lettuce review them
Sticker 1 - Tribute to Dale Earnhardt Nascar Martyr
Location - Large centered on back glass window of truck
Text - Dale #3 GodSpeed Dale
Message - Nascar is fullfilling spirituality for this person, Dale died for him.
Sticker 2 - NRA member sticker
Location - lower left back glass window of truck
Text - classic NRA sticker, name of organization, insignia
Message - I am one of the "good" guys
Sticker 3 - American Flag
Location - flag the size of a small golf cart centered on door
Text - No text
Message - Love it or leave it, and a challege to anyone who wants to say different.
Sticker 4 - Calvin urinating on the Ford Motor Co. logo
Location - Lower right back glass window of truck
Text - No text
Message - I am still a little boy, through my wiener I direct my urine towards anything that threatens my conviction of self.
I think this man has accurately captured his soul in these decals to his carriage. I also believe the market
would be well served my a meta-sticker that would stand in for a whole class of bumper stickers. The fact is that
anyone of the stickers above, could have served to express the ideals of all of them. In the spirit of free enterprise and
increasingly narrow expression of self can we work to create a single sign that would express the logos of the everyman.
Just think of the sales potential. The sign should be large, somewhat clear so that it will not block vision out the back window of
the truck it will be applied to, and very symmetrical so as not to offend their principles of decoration. The basic message the sign will
need to communicate is "ONE OF THEM". All other messages will be trace.
NOTE:
In the case of Sticker number 4, it is important to note that the cartoonist Bill Watterson never licensed any products or any product rights for
Calvin and Hobbes. Bill resisted the temptation of millions of dollars for the love of his creation.
Please be inspired by the courage and conviction of Bill Watterson:
Story of Bill Watterson
- posted by Chad @ 10:43
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27.8.03
Derrida the Movie
SYNOPSIS
What if you could watch Socrates, on film, rehearsing his Socratic dialogues? What if there was footage of Descartes, Thoreau, or Shakespeare as themselves at work and in their daily life? Might we now look at these figures differently, with perhaps a deeper understanding of their work and lives?
Filmmakers Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering Kofman asked themselves these questions, and decided to team up and document one of the most visionary and influential thinkers of the 20th century, a man who single-handedly altered the way many of us look at history, language, art, and, ultimately, ourselves: the brilliant and iconoclastic French philosopher Jacques Derrida.
For over five years, Dick ("Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist") and Ziering Kofman (Producer, "Taylor's Campaign") played Plato to our own modern day Socrates. The filmmaking team shadowed the renowned philosopher, best known for "deconstruction," and captured intimate footage of the man as he lives and works in his daily life. They filmed Derrida on his first trip to South Africa, where -- after visiting President Mandela's former prison cell -- he delivers a lecture on forgiveness to students at the University of the Western Cape. The filmmakers travel with him from his home in Paris to New York City, where he discusses the role of biographers, and the challenges that are faced when one attempts to bridge the abyssal gulf between a historic figure's work and life. They capture Derrida in private moments, musing reluctantly, about fidelity and marriage, narcissism and celebrity, and the importance of thinking philosophically about love.
Yet DERRIDA is in no way a talking heads movie or conventional biographical portrait. Its bold, visual style, mesmerizing score by Oscar-winning composer Ryuichi Sakamoto, and novel editorial approach create a rich, lively cinematic experience, at once provokes, amuses and entertains. In resisting any predictable, formulaic approach, they make Derrida a living, informal demonstration of "deconstruction" -- a system of thought which up to now has otherwise eluded cinematic capture. The result is not only thought provoking, but ground-breaking.
Intro to Derrida
More Derrida
- posted by Chad @ 17:38
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KLOV-Killer list of videogames
Let KLOV take you a magic quarter ride, through the history of the arcade videogame.
Quarter monkey. got the slack jaw feeling driving your PAC-VAN through ghost city.
You swing mechanical bat into steel ball for extra bonus, then you try again.
- posted by Chad @ 17:31
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26.8.03
Dollhouse of Death
More fun than Malibu Barbi!, It's the doll house of death. Crime Scene students create miniture recreations
of homicide cases.
Hint: If you fill your Barbie's body cavity with white Karo syrup and red food coloring, blood splatter from your
gunshots will have a more realistic look.
More miniture murder mayhem
You can pretend you are Gus Grissom from television's Hit-Show CSi, or if you are incapable of imagining such a thing
perhaps you would enjoy CSi Fan Fiction.
Scary CSi Fan Fiction
- posted by Chad @ 10:21
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25.8.03
Unusual History of Ether
Ether was discovered in 1275 by Spanish chemist Raymundus Lullius. This new discovery was given the name "sweet vitriol."
At about the same time, Swiss physician and alchemist Paracelsus discovered the hypnotic effects of ether.
How to make Ether
Ether can relieve symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder, also is useful for relief of "Bored with bad TV disorder" and
general boredom praxis.
Ether can be used to soak carpets, providing a pleasant aroma for any room or study.
- posted by Chad @ 12:06
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Magic Lanterns
The magic lantern was used as a communication device with Earth Cultures between 1604 and 2012. Please understand
the careful operation of these lamps. Children, Adults, animals and fabrics can be burnt by careless projectionists.
Never poor gasoline, or ether into the lamphouse, this may cause a fire to play about it.
- posted by Chad @ 11:44
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Floyd:
I was fifteen and sitting in the back seat of a monolithic gray Delta 88 with my friend Jason, his brother Jay, and a guy named Mike. I had'nt spoken to Mike since he last kicked me in the head and beat me with a thin piano wire. Not so much because of the beating, which was to be expected due to our rival neighborhood garden clubs, but more or less because he had stopped riding bikes, and left the world that Jason and I still called home.
Jay and Mike built and sold speakers, they even had a small emblem with a
KISS like font that read, JAMSS, which stood for Jay and Michael speaker systems.
I guess they were bored, so they decided to introduce me and Jason to something they called the AquaLung and a much higher appreciation for Pink Floyd. I had seen enough afterschool specials to know that this was gonna rock. It did.
The Floyd began with Echoes, a 23 minute birth process into the infinite, I would never underestimate the power of music again. I need to revisit that album, you should too. I hope you can hear it on a proper set of JAMSS quality speakers.
Pink Floyd Meddle/Echoes
- posted by Chad @ 00:10
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23.8.03
Why is it so important that I turn my 2600 into a musical instrument?
-Thanks for asking, for one thing you need to make music and you have the desire, or the burning in your heart, this is something that you do for you, no to you, but in you, and through you, sharing, and skin contact, and all that we will ever feel.
Qotile envoy to YAR and his revenge
Paul Slocum has answered more directly than I ever could, actually making it real, tactile, and
immediate, not the looks, but the lifestyle. SYNTHCART will rock you.
Atari 2600 SynthCart
witness Paul unleashing the full power of his deathstar
- posted by Chad @ 23:27
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Laura called me a lean mean blog machine and I think she is onto something. Have you heard, Cellar Door, its a perfect phrase, symbol, thought, sound, it is the cavier of our system.
-My pagoda is glowing, and my hand's still got the shakes, the flash snakes are gone however.
A new play for the street people, its called XanaGrease.
The Real XANADU
More on the concept of TRANSCOPYRIGHTS
Xanadu Transcopyrights
This is more like the web that came to be after the fall of 2012
Why 2012?
Why will the world end in 2012, or where are all the fish?
- posted by Chad @ 22:54
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21.8.03
wicked cool fonts
Also from IC When Don Thomas's site these fonts, which are freeware, so eat them up.
Included are
Atari System Font
Classic Arcade Font
Sinclair ZX Font
Tamagothchi Font
font font font font font font
- posted by Chad @ 09:59
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before the web
"Before the Web" is an online research project designed for the practitioners of the online services industry and its era. It is an interactive, digital variation of the oral history, the most common traditional technique used to collect the first-hand accounts from people who witnessed or took part in important events and eras.
If you were a practitioner in that period -- dating from about the late 1970's until the early 1990's -- this is your chance to contribute to its history, one grievously overlooked in the rise and collapse of the dot.com bubble. Much has been written about the Internet; very little about the period that preceded it and which made it possible.
Early in the online services era a profusion of digital services, technologies, products and companies was emerging and driving the seminal formation of the global information age. Among the most important:
Don Thomas IC When
Don Thomas, legendary Atari Veteran has a great history of Video Games among other things at his site IC When,
Click on the link above and fire up the Time Machine.
- posted by Chad @ 09:54
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20.8.03
confederate soldier
Our story has a hero, and his name was star of the SILVER war between the United States and Individual States.
A true account as told by a active time machine visitation, shortly before this sentence was completed.
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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The silver war:
Idea for incredible videogame:
so the game starts in the woody creek era of the silver war between the states, the date is 1869. The commander has just received the glass ampules of Chloroform, and has been instructed to kill his men in his sleep. The dream begins as we watch the commander from above, from his pants, it's obvious that the dream is in action. We cut quickly with the use of the joystick to the ampules. The liquid begining to boil so softly.
The player is trying to figure out the the what is going on but pulling up only lets us see the commanders pants, pushing down reveals the vial, pushing left reveals a lantern that is buring, text informs us that inside the flame is a fire spirit and inside the fire spirit is a virus, the text goes on to tell us that we must move the joystick left and right as fast as we might. Moving the joystick rattles the lantern, and the fire spirit begins his lusty dance, eventually the lantern falls off the table and fire consumes the commander, he is thrashing about wildly, he is thinking about the war, and how he can no longer carry out his instructions to kill his men, he is thinking that this damn fire, is going to infect his body, and this is explained on screen by a text screen.
FADE BLACK
next screen is a low res puppet dancing on strings, the player is now controlling,
THere is a clap meter in the right side of the screen, the player must find the secret moves to make the puppet dance: Goal = INCITE FIRE SPIRIT
when the player
performs the desired moves the fire spirit is roused.
CUT BACK TO FIRST SCREEN,
The thrashing is coming to an end and the commander's hand lands on the vials, breaking them inhaling them, his top soldiers come in for they have been awoken by mindthougt transmissions from the commanders brain stem.
As they enter the tent they are overcome by the chloroform and fall unto the ashes of the still burning commander.
The Screen fades black again from text and has a space for user to enter their name.----
The goal of the game is for the commander to kill the ghosts of his mean, this is done through a complicated process called ghosting.
GHOSTING:
uses flicker sprites
The center of the screen is white and flashing rough shape of commander's ghost,
out of his body comes different colored ghosts
each ghost comes out in a random of 4 directions,
the ghost most be direct the appropriate directions which may or may not be the same as their random direction
It's a sorting game,
The button will destroy the bad ghosts which represent the bodies of the other soldieres WHO MUST BE KILLED.
If the colors of the ghost are sent in directed color patterns as represented by color bars at each location, then points are rewarded.
TOP DIRECTION my be color bar of blue, blue, red, blue, red, blue
SIDE direction Left may be color bars of green, green, blue, green,
completing a round may require you as the ghosting director to sort these ghosts while not letting BAD ghosts go anywhere
BAD GHost MUST be elimated using the FIRE button.
elimanating all of these ghosts will speed up game, and each round is
treated to a dancing puppet, which places a version of DIXIE as a celebration.
The ghosting of the individuals is accomplished using the direction pad to direct the ghosts. Ghost fly out in feedback color flicker style,
Goal of game is sorting this ghosts into the right directional corner, and according to the color chart for that corner. Goal of game is also elminating the bad ghosts. SOLDIERS MUST BE KILLED to free the commander from the FIRE spirit
The final dance
The fire spirit is dancing on the mountain in a circle of his own making.
the fire spirit is red ghosting
the fire spirit is a feedback effectcivi
patterns and colors of red, and patterns and ATTACKER ghosts must be dealt with.
THe ending of the game will never come, but ending of the main levels before increases difficul
- posted by Chad @ 14:16
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BAG O Magnets
They're fun, evil and you can make them into a time machine.
- posted by Chad @ 14:13
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elevator movie cliches
- posted by Chad @ 13:02
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19.8.03
Nasa we have a go for Saturn 5 launch in,,,,,,,roger that interference----she's breaking up,
3,2,1,-------------------Contact!
opening music3,2,1,contact
- posted by Chad @ 09:46
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18.8.03
Potato proclaims self UBER TUBER
The not so humble potato is starting a nationwide campaign, called FAB not FAD.
The starchy little dictator has seized upon the death of Dr. Atkins to lead its people on a war of anti flower power.
Remember the words of Monty from Withnail and I.
"The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees."
Witnail and I, starring Richard E Grant
The Withnail-and-I website
- posted by Chad @ 09:46
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17.8.03
- posted by Chad @ 16:22
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15.8.03
Imaginary World Theme Park
Oddly enough the real world which may or may not be imaginary gives birth to theme parks,
which are more or less real, in that they exist, and imaginary in that they invite snakes into
otherwise snake-free reality.
This is a great project to develop a new theme park called the Imaginary World,
I would very much like to be there right now, riding the toast machine. I would like
to turn abandoned strip malls into low dollar theme parks, lots of paper-mache would be
involved as would smoke machines and unusual lighting. Also unusual music.
Fractal Music
Fractal Music would be used because it invites the mind into the natural world through the numerical art of fractal expression.
Make your own prime music
Roll your own prime music, for your own future theme parks, lotsa research into the phenom of the PRIMES.
- posted by Chad @ 09:10
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14.8.03
Quantum Etch-A-Sketch
Drawing a quantum circuit and need a steady hand? This may help.
This sounds like it could be a great toy.
- posted by Chad @ 10:02
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Great remote control
Well, ugh, this is kinda neat.
and only $99 refurbed.
phillips page
Phillips electronics touch screen blue back lit programable learning remote.
- posted by Chad @ 09:53
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13.8.03
More work of Margaret Luce Brown:
Other Films by Margaret Luce Brown
Her brother Sam has is brilliant and has a rather funny page at
Where Am I dot Org
www.whereami.org
Sam is working on "smart mote" technology that will enable the government's or Wal-Mart
to better control the people. I think everyone knew that Sam would do amazing things.
SMART DUST
More about smart dust- links to Berkely because I am being cheeky- Hi Sam:)
- posted by Chad @ 10:24
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Partially inspired by a great film by Margaret Luce Brown. This story may be the greatest
short story on the web, it incorporates all that is incredible.
Snakes inhabit small yard, turn into pod droids of super-natural alien race. Alien race is trying
to warn humans of other alien race. PODS fall in love with humans, yet have no ability to use memory and can not distinguish individuals.
Behold a new style:
Snakes in the Yard-Invasion
For simplicity why not read it here? What am I some kind of link crazy hoser?
Snakes inhabit small yard, turn into pod droids of super-natural alien race. Alien race is trying
to warn humans of other alien race. PODS fall in love with humans, yet have no ability to use memory and can not distinguish individuals.
THe snakes had landed on the outskirts of Mobile, and spread like wildfire to montgomery.
Also in TExas a UFO was shot down with a missile.
The missile failed. The alien snakes concregated into storm drains and traveled on the underground snake railroad all over alabama.
The problem with this was that a government task force had made the possession of these snakes taxable by additional sales taxes on food and food care products that all snakes need.
The little boy stood at the edge of a large flooded yard. The double wide trailer home was brand new and still smelled like a new car. The house had central airconditioned, carpeting, wood cabinets and large oval bathtubs using jets.
The land had been sold and obviously was not in a flood plain because the city connected the water at a charge of $870 and they should have said something. Sure enough the new house was surrounded by flood, and soon the culvert would be a station of sorts, an outlet from the underground snake railroad, where thousands of alien snakes would come slither out, and surround the little boy and his family.
The alien leaders sent out communications and this was intercepted by my dad who is a ham radio operator. He heard them clearly ask, "make sure the humans understand that they will lose their memory in the future, make sure they know that others are intending to harvest their eggs and sperm up those eggs with alien sperm of their own kind. Tell them to have a army ready to fight this great battle, tell them it is important".
Just then thousands of thousands of snakes stormed around the trailer, moccasins and deadly other snakes made it unsafe for the baby. They left in a hurry to mama's house.
Daddy came home after hearing the ham radio, and found no one but snakes, "where's the baby, where's the baby, BABY!, BABY!, Where's the Baby!?, Where's the Baby?-----
Hissing mad hissing and surrounding with slitering, the snake leaders formed a large biomass antenae, and using their electric powers like eels do, they crafted a message of thier own skin, "the message was" "we love all humanity, but not the one, we love the all, we want to be like you, we love your wife, we love your baby, we want to preserve your memory."
The father started spraying gasoline around the trailer immediately as his radio was in the truck.
AFter a casual flick of his cigerette, the entire pond ignited in fire. The father left alone in middle of his ownly large poccesssion, sat in his recliner, crying softly over the ragging fire, "where's the BABY?! Where's the BABY!?, BABY?!, as the snakes started to burn their ghosts began to slowly slither out of their host bodies and they ghosting of pond creek began in earnest.
As the man was surrounded by the mass ghosting, he came to realize the sad future for Earth, his home his life, was now burning, and somewhere deep in space the mysterious GRAYS as the are called were laughing, their plan was one step closer to the final solution.
- posted by Chad @ 10:13
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the oldest i could find
The oldest webpage I could find on the net.
Note: The oldest link goes to the Army page at the 2nd to top of page. This is appropriate as so much computer technology
has come about as a answer to direct requests and needs of the US Army.
They have a great history of ENIAC as well.50 years of ENIAC ~ 1996
A nice and concise timeline
Note: First Domain registered in 1985 to SYMBOLICS, many thought they were the next big thing.
Here's the other thing:
Not all the aliens are "in" for the plan. Many do not like what their leaders are doing.
Have you ever been warned? Has a gray or one of their small assistants ever left messages in your yard?
I have heard of warnings from them about a future where humans have no memory.
They are very advanced. #1
They however are limited in number #2
Their technology is limited as they have very little imagination #3
Imagine a culture much older than us, with a much slower growth curve technologically.
They have arrived at point where they have extreme high technology and limited skills when it
comes to implementation.
Also there is a physical problem with our dimension that makes communication difficult. # 4 but as important as #2
They will fail, and for they understand this, they are desperate for solutions.
- posted by Chad @ 09:24
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12.8.03
The Air Car
The Future of the automobile is demonstrated on this site, they will enter production soon.
Imagine a car that uses only compressed air for power.
Imagine a car that can carry you and 4 friends 300KM for about $2 of compressed air.
This is bigger than Ginger
Ginger GI
a Segway to the other Ginger
- posted by Chad @ 14:31
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11.8.03
Theory of Time
From ancient times to the present, philosophers and physicists have assumed that objects in motion have determined positions at any instant in time. It's not true, Lynds says.
You have probably thought this before, now you have collaborators.
If that first link is enough fluff to whet your appetite, then get your stiff scientific choler up with the
actually paper itself. In the ever dandy PDF format.
Lynd's Paper in PDF form
- posted by Chad @ 14:27
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conspiracy-a-go-go
Learn the truth about Libraries, aliens, and the multiplicity
of Linda Evangelista.
He is persucuted homeless person, ex NASA scientist,
underground or on the ground philosopher.
He is at the height of his paranormal powers.
- posted by Chad @ 12:47
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8.8.03
Now I am making flash mob of incredible space fact:
It is time for Fort Worth Texas, to having people as they happen to pass the bronze bull in SUNDANCE square to
say loudly while pointing at the bull.
they saying, "Bull, why you leave stock market, I want my tech back"
Then go about your business.
This is done all at different time and nobody is knowing.
- posted by Chad @ 14:47
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7.8.03
John Whitney Computer Animation Pioneer
Have you gone into the monolith? Is it really full of stars? Thank John
His sample reel was artfully edited and ended with a lovely final image of a lissajous curve multiplied dozens of times, to appear twisting in waves, suggesting the time-lapse of a blossoming flower. The reel was released as Catalog and became a popular classic of 1960's psychedelica
slit-scan HOW-TO
make your own.
Unravel the into the monolith sequence
Finally understand why you have seen, where you have been, _ last part pronounced BEAN!
or do you understand?
Is it the symbol, the sign, or the journey.?
- posted by Chad @ 14:36
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iD Magazine
Are you brave enough to answer?
Once considered the most pretentious magazine in the world, now simply the best.
A cliche crusher for the 21st century. ID magazine is tommorrow calling.
Are you brave enough to answer.
PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THIS LINK-
I did not put this here and have no desire to have you are anybody else read this magazine.
It is rather good though.
- posted by Chad @ 14:25
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A Jack Handy Deep Thought Collection
Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
- Jack Handey (aka Jack)
We have investigated why Jack Handy is funny and reached the following conclusions:
-1st person, becomes confused with 3rd person narrative device
-Inner thought collides with opposition to conventual phrases outcome
-Miss-application or cross application of conventional wisdom - One class of objects for another
-random thought redressed with random predicate dictating bizarre reaction.
-totally horrible consequence_ If I was a ....
Any other patterns? Please reply / I SAY
- posted by Chad @ 14:13
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6.8.03
Bubba Ho-Tep
The Incredible True Story of what happened to Elvis Presley after his faked death.
We find the King(Bruce Campbell) as an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his �death�, then missed his chance to switch back.
Incredible movie that you will not want to miss. I have never in my 300 years running this website seen such a valid post of html usage.
I can not reccomend anything I f I dont send you into this movie with a bucket of popcorn in one arm and a screaming cup of
cola in the other.
Incredible.
Some early promotional dates and times
I urge you to find out more, this may be a good reason to get on it now.
Get on it. MARS 1403.1
FILM Threat gives it a logo cartoon and 5 stars
---------------------------------------
FILM THREAT REVIEW OF BH-T
- posted by Chad @ 18:32
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Mod your 2600 with S-Video Output
Why should you mod your 2600?
You are sitting there fat and stuffed with cheese, drifting through space bored and tired of reading Catcher
in the Rye for the 12th time.
The reason you so boring, because you are still using the switch box to see your Atari VCS games, IMPROVE life
now with this easy modification. You can make it if you try, get your solder on, LET GO!!!
COMPARE
S-Video Mod 2600 picture quality
standard 2600 RF switchbox quality
Now you are living with 2005 life quality even though only 2003 calender.
- posted by Chad @ 14:43
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Soda Jerks Elevator Operators
My damn mailman doesn't even wear a uniform on most days. Why did humans seem to devolve from 1960-2020.
What was the cause. Some say it was cable television, others would site the internet, others blame Dallas Texas for
the death of JFK.
I had an elevator operator in Mobile Al at the Van Antwerp building downtown, true his uniform was a bit tired, but
at least he had the respect for life to wear one. What is your uniform? Mine is dockers and knit shirt.
- posted by Chad @ 11:00
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5.8.03
- posted by Chad @ 23:48
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strangeco
You will visit strangeco if you clicking above.
Don't you want to see the purveyor of strange merchandise that is available?
Why do you visit such places? Is it the burden of too much cash?
PS
I have 15,000 halogen light bulbs that do not work. They were damaged in transit from
minor7. These things retain precision glass housings and a screw-on base.
There is no problem with shipping them by rail, because of the padded box car I have developed.
Please give me your word that you will not abuse this!
- posted by Chad @ 16:58
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Ugly Doll
Visit with them a little while.
I love my UglyDoll, they are such nice friends to have. They are very pleasant
and you should find one close to you, so that when you read its comic, you will not
be reading alone. This is the way to understand things, together.
Babo is my favorite uglydoll, he is protector.
Ugly Doll Comic Strips
Don't be missing the fun, read the comic strip together.
- posted by Chad @ 14:07
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We have lost something in the commercial. We have lost the ability to swallow the big lie.
When a recent commercial for Lowes Garden Center portrays a young couple receiving expert advice from
the trusted Garden department worker, we all know that it is a load. If you have been to a Lowes
or any Hardware SuperStore recently you know that at most, they keep one guy who knows what he
is doing, and that guy is either not there, or has a line waiting to talk to him. We know it is not like it
used to be, and Lowes does as well. The poor guy probably makes a few dollars more than his bored
cohorts.
A recent trip to Sears made me realize a dark truth. The dark truth is that Sears is almost dead. I remember walking
around a Montgomery Ward a few years before they went out of business, and I had this strange feeling that the
store was already a ghost of itself, and perhaps it had already been out of business for several years and no one had told
the staff. The signage, the lights, the merchandise, the lack of anybody working most registers, it just seemed dead.
Sears just seems dead. I remember as recently as 1990 or so, when a trip to Sears was different in that the sales people seemed
more professional, more like they did this for a living. My last trip to Sears made me think that they were scraping the barrel for sales people, and
pretty much hiring anyone willing to stand there. I know, Wal-Mart happened and people don't expect quality anymore. I know that we all
see the gap between commercial reality and the actual hamburger one receives for 99 cents, but I think, that in general we have all swallowed this
bitter truth up to now, because there existed some sliver of reality within the hype. I believe that the last small slivers of quality and
service are disappearing day by day, and that people will eventually abandon the search for ever lower prices.
Sacriledge. Where the hell do I get off proclaiming that the average person will eventually turn up their nose at lower prices? I get off on the fact that
when all lower prices smell like the current state of retail in America, that some people will not be able to stand the stench. Some people,let us hope
will choose to live with less, and that others will choose to shop at places that show some respect for their fellow man.
- posted by Chad @ 09:41
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4.8.03
Dark Star
One of the best documentaries ever made about mankinds end.
Tagline: What would you be like after 20 years aboard DARK STAR the spaced-out spaceship.
The ultimate cosmic comedy!
Plot Summary: Low-budget story of four astronauts in deep space, whose mission is to destroy unstable planets in star systems which are to be colonised.
Directed by
John Carpenter
Writing credits
John Carpenter and
Dan O'Bannon
- posted by Chad @ 19:02
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Science Journal 1804 Safety Fact o' the Day.
Part of time-slip maintenance involves a good pumping of the ovens every morning. Play caution however,
one must steady himself before the vector-radiation ovens so that ones mustache does not catch too many free electrons and start ablaze. The best method for priming said ovens is with a mustachio-shield of some sort. These are available at many haberdasheries of good repute.
May we reccomend a fine Mustachio Wax? Our favorite brand is Caswell-Massey
Mustachio Wax
(note: Mustache not reccomended for 1980ad-2004ad Earth travels)
- posted by Chad @ 12:48
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Multi-Dimensional Elves
What should you do if you encounter a multi-dimensional elf?
Alcohol helps, but in a pinch just start ryhming words with little or no reason,
this confuses the elves. Remember they are already stepping between no fewer than
2 dimensions, anything you can do to dialate time will thouroughly confuse them.
Most importantly don't panic. You are in control, they will do everything they can to taunt
you, but you must keep the upper hand. Magnets are effective.
- posted by Chad @ 09:45
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Space Invaders Everything Site
Have you ever wished to find a very detailed site covering everything about space invaders?
I think we have found it here, please clicking to enjoy it.
Play Space Invaders
Play Space Invaders, There is so much truth to this game.
Also dont forget for your home console
there is now a proper version of space invaders for your Atari 2600. You can load the
binary or buy a cartridge. (The 2600 is one of the only systems capable of time travel)
Space Instigators
Space Instigators is a version of the popular arcade game Space Invaders that is more faithful to the original than Atari's 2600 port. This version fits nine invaders in a row without flicker, an impressive feat on the Atari 2600. The graphics, colors and sounds are truer to the original version than Atari's effort.
~While you are thinking about it? What about the lie of magnets? Are they really simple or is
there a secret so "top" that nobody dares to speak its name. Some believe including me that magnets
are representational of other dimensional forces. Learn more about the TRUE nature
of magnets in this great report below:
What if Einstein were wrong?
- posted by Chad @ 09:35
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2.8.03
True Fact number 431;
Netflix is a great service, but they continue to be flaky. Sometimes they receive movies back from me and recognize them and other times they take days to recognize these movies.
Black Hawk Down was a movie that they sent and it never arrived. I ordered it again, and it was send but never arrived. So now Netflix lists that I have two movies lost. I worry that this makes me look bad, and don't like the fact that I can't do anything to prevent mail loss. It kind of creeps me out about the whole
darn thing. Is it just me or do they do this on purpose?
FLAKY
From the online Etymology website which is offcourse endlessly useful and not flaky in the least.
- posted by Chad @ 15:45
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1.8.03
Incredible true facts for you:
There are 86,400 seconds in a day.
Using a scale of the earth being 1 day old, the human being has only existed for 36 seconds.
If one was to weigh all of the land animals of the earth, 10% of that mass would be ants.
Second to our sun, to reach the closest star to earth, Alpha Centauri, one would have to travel the speed of light for over 4 years.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
"Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
Everyday more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of eleven: $6,400.
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. any given hour: 61,000.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.
If you were to spell out numbers starting from "one", the letter "a" would first appear as character 1000.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
- posted by Chad @ 15:03
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SEGA 3000
A forgotten machine that was very popular on Sedia minor 5 before frodus destroyed the
planet. At one time it was common to see these on every other corner, taking tokens
and dishing out great play value. Offcourse once Frodus and his gang depleted the oxygen
content of Sedia minor 5's atmosphere, all of that somehow seemed pointless.
The Sega 3000 actually had some decent graphics, note that the machine uses a z80,
which appeared in many consoles including the Sega Genesis.
Screenshots of Sega 3000 Games
ScreenShots
Isn't she a great little piece of kit?
more on the Sega 3000
While we are talking about FRODUS, perhaps we should look into some SEGA history. A company of 3 Americans in Hawaii, moves to Japan
to supply US military bases with arcade games and merges with Gulf and Western and ROSEN enterprises, what a great story
SEGA HISTORY - Read it
- posted by Chad @ 14:31
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In the future we all live in machines, it sounds scary at first but is not. When music and computers
first coupled we played with LightSynths. Some of the best are linked below. If you hope to understand the
future, read these things and visit that place we call synaethesia
VLM 3 Screenshots
Screenshots from VLM-3. This lightsynth is a part of unity, and is the sequel to
the VLM-2 which was part of NUON equipped DVD players. More about Nuon below.
Before there was Unity there exists VLM-2. Visit with VLM-2 below:
NUON-DOME
Nuon Dome is a fan run site created by Atari fanscene veterans Kevin Manne and Wes Powell.
What does Nuon, VLM, and Llama's, have to do with Atari? Find out by reading some of the great
interviews and links within the Nuon-Dome.
Also travel to sit with our beloved VLM-1 which was a part of the Atari Jaguar CD multimedia device.
For pixel pounding goodness, there may never be another equal. VLM changed me.
Atari Jaguar VLM 1
Scroll down for pictures
VideoMusic
Atari started the video/music/trippy visuals thing with the VIDEO MUSIC device.
An amazing 1976 device that connects between your stereo and television to produce
visuals in amazing multi-color solid state psychedelia. Find one of these and you have
found yourself.
- posted by Chad @ 10:27
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Devil Costume
Looking for an animated story of a DIY rock band making their way through the suburbs?
Look out, here come the Devil Costume. A new animated series from a Richardson TX artist named AJ.
French Boxing
More work of AJ's can be found here.
He is a friend of my friends so honestly I don't know his name past the letters
A and J, but his French Boxing site captures something about the
French and the Sport of Boxing that I didn't know existed.
Incredible True Facts of Space
The last thing you should do is to undo that thing.
The best dance that a person can do is the fabulosa which is performed using telekinesis and live lobsters.
When you get stuck writing a rap song,
just throw in today's date, it's what we call the secret weapon of rap.
If you get the chance to ruin a perfectly good planet,
strip malls and parking lots are a good start.
The difference between genius and insanity can me summed up with basic math. Sure 1+0=1,
thats Genius, but 1000x0=0, thats insanity,
and that is why I'am going to kill all of you.
There are four corners, and in the four corners exist 3 men, the 3 men talk about 5 things, this is the way it has always been.
note: last word is pronounced as "BEAN"
Chad Bowers is not the forth tenor
- posted by Chad @ 18:33
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My Lava Lamp
-I fire my lava lamp up every morning
-usually this is at 8:45AM
-I work in an office, we make cartoons(anime)
-My lava lamp fuels me
-my lava lamp can foretell the weather
-when it rains my lava lamp is moody
LAVA LAMP SPLOOGE
As the lamp warms up, usually within about five minutes of turning it on, there occurs a moment called the SPLOOGE.
The SPLOOGE is when the heated LAVA emerges from the molten, growing hump of lava at the bottom.
The SPLOOGE is a wonderful moment. I usually like to have at least started to drink the first of many Diet Cokes at this point. I am completely addicted to Diet Coke. It is my wife's fault offcourse, as I was previously addicted to Diet Mountain Dew.
Types of SPLOOGE
-fast runs to the top
-slow dribbling wax
-the rolling eruption
-the burst bubble
-the oversplooge (too much rises then falls)
-the tall lava tube
-the wiggly splooge to the top
-the slow splooge
Chad Bowers does not pilot a lava lamp for the CIA
- posted by Chad @ 18:26
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Project Abstract
This project is a senior design for electrical engineering students at Auburn University. We have chosen to build and test a rail gun as the capstone to our undergraduate education. Using the skills we have acquired over our college career, and the guidance of Dr. Mike Baginski, we will succeed!
Auburn Univ. Rail Gun
AUBURN RAIL GUN
- posted by Chad @ 10:48
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volumetric representation of a popular video clip (plane firing off flares)
such a cool effect, once only medical, now for use on video. Earth(2003)
Chad Bowers is not a taco bell fanatic.
- posted by Chad @ 10:32
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Dear Timetraveler,
Snakes inhabit small yard, turn into pod droids of super-natural alien race. Alien race is trying
to warn humans of other alien race. PODS fall in love with humans, yet have no ability to use memory and can not distinguish individuals.
THe snakes had landed on the outskirts of Mobile, and spread like wildfire to montgomery.
Also in TExas a UFO was shot down with a missile.
The missile failed. The alien snakes concregated into storm drains and traveled on the underground snake railroad all over alabama.
The problem with this was that a government task force had made the possession of these snakes taxable by additional sales taxes on food and food care products that all snakes need.
The little boy stood at the edge of a large flooded yard. The double wide trailer home was brand new and still smelled like a new car. The house had central airconditioned, carpeting, wood cabinets and large oval bathtubs using jets.
The land had been sold and obviously was not in a flood plain because the city connected the water at a charge of $870 and they should have said something. Sure enough the new house was surrounded by flood, and soon the culvert would be a station of sorts, an outlet from the underground snake railroad, where thousands of alien snakes would come slither out, and surround the little boy and his family.
The alien leaders sent out communications and this was intercepted by my dad who is a ham radio operator. He heard them clearly ask, "make sure the humans understand that they will lose their memory in the future, make sure they know that others are intending to harvest their eggs and sperm up those eggs with alien sperm of their own kind. Tell them to have a army ready to fight this great battle, tell them it is important".
Just then thousands of thousands of snakes stormed around the trailer, moccasins and deadly other snakes made it unsafe for the baby. They left in a hurry to mama's house.
Daddy came home after hearing the ham radio, and found no one but snakes, "where's the baby, where's the baby, BABY!, BABY!, Where's the Baby!?, Where's the Baby?-----
Hissing mad hissing and surrounding with slitering, the snake leaders formed a large biomass antenae, and using their electric powers like eels do, they crafted a message of thier own skin, "the message was" "we love all humanity, but not the one, we love the all, we want to be like you, we love your wife, we love your baby, we want to preserve your memory."
The father started spraying gasoline around the trailer immediately as his radio was in the truck.
AFter a casual flick of his cigerette, the entire pond ignited in fire. The father left alone in middle of his ownly large poccesssion, sat in his recliner, crying softly over the ragging fire, "where's the BABY?! Where's the BABY!?, BABY?!, as the snakes started to burn their ghosts began to slowly slither out of their host bodies and they ghosting of pond creek began in earnest.
As the man was surrounded by the mass ghosting, he came to realize the sad future for Earth, his home his life, was now burning, and somewhere deep in space the mysterious GRAYS as the are called were laughing, their plan was one step closer to the final solution.
from titfos
the incredible true facts of space
Chad Bowers no longer drinks 2 quarts of Mountain Dew a day
- posted by Chad @ 09:23
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25.9.03
Why is it important to provide legal permission to future time travelers to visit you.
Invite a time traveler to visit you
The most amazing part about this is that all it takes is a carefully thought out plan. If planned correctly
you will be visited almost immediately.
1. Draw up the legal permissions
2. Have them notarized
3. Find a spot or several spots you can clearly mark
4. Find people you trust to pass on information and documents after you are dead.
5. write about it on any medium available, make it known and they will find you
6. Legal time travelers must have permission from someone in the past to visit them.
7. Many people would love to come back in time but lack the legal permission
8. You must do this.
Chad Bowers is living in Texas
- posted by Chad @ 11:19
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Goes out to Nueva:
Question:
Where is Earth technology of 9-25-03 in regards to Interstellar travel?
Question:
Can magnets be involved?
1950's - 2002 Negative Mass Roswell Effect
It has been shown that is theoretically possible to create a continuously propulsive effect by the juxtaposition of negative and positive mass and that such a scheme does not violate conservation of momentum or energy. A crucial assumption to the success of this concept is that negative mass has negative inertia. Their combined interactions result in a sustained acceleration of both masses in the same direction. This concept dates back to at least 1957 with an analysis of the properties of hypothetical negative mass by Bondi, and has been revisited in the context of propulsion by Winterberg and Forward in the late 1980�s.
Current: Nasa 2002-2005
Hypothetical Diametric Drive: This concept considers the possibility of creating a local gradient in a background scalar property of space (such as gravitational potential) by the juxtaposition of diametrically opposed field sources across the vehicle. This is directly analogous to negative mass propulsion. The diametric drive can also be considered analogous to creating a pressure source/sink in a space medium as suggested with the Induction Sail.
Next: Nasa-Hughes 2005-2007
Hypothetical Disjunction Drive: This concept entertains the possibility that the source of a field and that which reacts to a field can be separated. By displacing them in space, the reactant is shifted to a point where the field has a slope, thus producing reaction forces between the source and the reactant. Although existing evidence strongly suggests that the source, reactant, and inertial mass properties are inseparable, any future evidence to the contrary would have revolutionary implication to this propulsion application.
MAGNETS
It is now known as of late 2003 from a visitor known as Quorn, that magnets are indeed representational manifestations of other dimensional forces. Actions in our perceived reality cause a "other dimensional" effect, and are then observable as what we call "magnetism". The acting mechanism of which is not "here" as we understand "here" but never the less is real and observable as magnetism.
Using this for stellar drive is akin to the Casimir effect which is useful if one has access to the resulting state reactions existing in "otherspace". These effects are so novel that they are surely a key ingredient to interstellar travel, however without access to their higher potential "other" states, use is limited to the world as only a curiousity and interesting thought excercise. (currently!) Does this change in 2012? Some believe that is the very reason for the wall there.
- posted by Chad @ 11:06
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22.9.03
This is a mega-fun site, big thanks to bifurcated for the point-
KesselsKramer
reload and look closely for nice web fun
eBAY scam TIME TRAVEL conspiracy spam
Also today, I received a fake email from eBay asking me to renew my information and credit
card numbers etc, it was all very malicious and fake, but anyway
the weird thing was that, on the email in white text, on white background was a hidden conversation between two time travelers.
Perhaps the fake eBay conspiracy is funding illicit time travel.
The hidden in the code conversation is below:
please reuse form for nominal means such as first time, 1977
problem cynical obedience, mail cops, avoid standard post, 3rd time 1967
fixing problem now, catch up with you 1987 in "all usual places"
wearing odd outfit again, whats the code?
...2001, ebay,,,opps 2003!
Chad Bowers is playing an Atari 2600
- posted by Chad @ 17:31
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18.9.03
The Incredible True Facts of Space part WW3 (not world war 3)
Space Debris is a growing problem, more and more shit is just floating around out there, nuts, bolts, planets. It is a mess.
�
Volgoth the elder once said, "He who eats pie, eats it without my permission"
This is why the people of Volgon7 were elimated.
Chad Bowers likes to eat cake
- posted by Chad @ 22:50
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Intl Talk like a Pirate Day
Sept 19th FRIDAY is international talk like a pirate day. Do your part ye matey's.
- posted by Chad @ 09:38
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17.9.03
The incredible True Facts of Space (ver.05)
McDonalds is the safest place to eat on planet Momba, a little finger nail will get you free apple pie, just don't let the manager see you, that infraction will get you 7 years in the slave kitchen, but if this happens take the dental plan, it's amazing.
The force magnets generate is a manifestation of other dimensional forces at work within our reality. Mr. Flatland says, "if i could just see over that line".
The truth about magnets is something your science teacher hide from you. "How do magnets work", you asked. "Each atom is like a little magnet", they tell you. TITFOS says, "Not true at all".
A good sign for the end of the universe is slow heat death, another good sign is UNIVERSE ENDING, black letters on orange background.
Alien abduction now cost too much money, not worth effort, much better to invest money in retirement community. Volgoth Towers now opening phase IV, no end in sight.
Commercials that portray busy life with higher and higher pitched voices, culminating in record scratch sound, are yet another
reason the Zlon refuse to acknowledge the existence of Earth.
Zlon not like stinky bathroom. Zlon can't make their art on tainted canvass. Zlon feel that stinky bathroom not allow for artistic expression of user.
The Earth was invented by Karlich Fruendhound in 1886. He created it for the 5th Annual Paris Exposition.
- posted by Chad @ 15:17
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Fusion modern FUSION SITE
Philo T. Farnsworth, invented the electronic television in the 1920's and then the self taught
scientist/tinkerer invented the future. Yes the answers to FUSION technology were all within
the grasp of Philo T. Why ITT and other oil interests tried to end that research is another story.
Thankfully folks are rediscovering why Philo invented.
Freshmen builds working FUSION reactor
read more about the greatest American inventor of all time
Philo T Farnsworth, worlds greatest
The "impossible" thing that he invented in the 1950s.. You are probably less familiar with it. In fact you are probably not familiar with it all, because the device was never perfected nor made practical. At least, not yet. Indeed, the impossible takes slightly longer. In this case, about 40 years longer...
The device is a nuclear fusion reactor.
- posted by Chad @ 14:21
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16.9.03
The Strange world of Parasomnias Sleep Masturbation
Sleep Sex
So very interesting. Perhaps this is all caused by time travel.
Parasomnias can be described as �strange things that go bump in the night�. They are a group of acute, undesirable, episodic physical phenomena that usually occur during sleep, or are exaggerated by sleep. Even though parasomnias occur during different stages of sleep and at different times during the night they are characterized by partial arousals before, during, or after the event. It intrudes into the sleep process and creates disruptive or abnormal sleep events.
Chad Bowers does not sleep in the nude
- posted by Chad @ 15:04
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time resonator perfected!
just back from 1982, visited the Mobile Al, Sears store #1056, I actually smoked a cigarette while trying out their typewriters. The sales guy, who seemed very professional by the way, offered me a light. Oh and the Atari display was fantastic, played Space Invaders and a game I have never seen before, called Canyon Glider.
Will attempt to travel to 1979 later this week.
One good thing about being back in the present is this new game called Canyon Glider.
Play Canyon Glider 2003
tap left and right to build up speed, then control flight with up and down (pilot style)
note: this version is similar to the game I played instore. Anyone else smell a reality elf?
- posted by Chad @ 10:58
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15.9.03
Mexican Jail Photos
One look at this Mexican jail named El Mierda should persuade you to stop your criminal raids on Mexican taco stands and beer huts, and return to the safe soft bluish glow of your electronics.
This is why they say crime doesn't pay.
Get a load of the awful poetry written on those walls. What these inmates scrawl there is horrible.
I think the prisoners in this jail need to brush up on theory and lay off their Bukowski fetish. However I have heard
that on Tuesday nights they serve a wicked Pinto Bean Casserole
El Mierda Jail's Famous Pinto Bean Casserole Recipe
More Bukowski Poetry
- posted by Chad @ 18:34
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space not empty like rodent but space full like fat cow, and
making sound for having the rough time. All time combine into
the thought of a child, this making way for more cabbage, and
field growing plentiful, also farming rich soil.
Universe come from 3rd stomach of cow.
- posted by Chad @ 13:38
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I have a theory that there is no such thing as instinct. I believe the concept of instinct to be untrue.
What we mistakenly call instinct is actually only the application of an animals self awareness and use of their brain to deal with a situation.
This makes much more sense to me. A brain is a terrible thing to misrepresent, and as humans we are guilty of misrepresenting and misunderstanding the very obvious truth in front of us. We are too quick to imagine that other animals are less intelligent than us, we are quick to imagine that even human babies don't know how to smile until they see their mothers face.
When you see a cat or a dog what do you imagine they are thinking? Do you really think your thoughts are any deeper or more enlightened than theirs?
Well, they aren't.
I know this because it is obvious and does not require further proof.
I feel this way about a lot of things in life, some things are just obvious, and if you don't agree, I don't care.
- posted by Chad @ 11:16
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13.9.03
I dreamed about ways to open up rabbits for the purpose of helping them with muscle soreness.
Inside the rabbits were very clean, instead of guts and bad color schemes, they were pink, and mostly empty space inside. There was a series of plastic tubing that connected to other plastic tubing with what looked like aquarium air line connectors. A mean lady I worked with was trying to apply a soothing creme to the rabbits sore muscles, and the rabbit was very calm during this process.
After I woke up, i remembered things from the hospital. i remembered the televisions looking as though they were from the early 80's, and yet the many buttons on the front panel allowed for an internet like appliance, and from these I monitored the racing conditions of a very exclusive horse race that I was a audience member of. When monitoring this horse race, I felt as though I were stuck in a bed, and had to depend on indian people in white outfits who would serve me drinks and appetizers. There were other people, mostly older who were participating as audience members to this horse race.
The cardboard signs had moving pictures, which I suppose were future versions of the current electronic paper. The printed cardboard cereal boxes, and other everyday items would display full color moving images, which were usually edited loops of video which portrayed the product image in some way.
- posted by Chad @ 12:50
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11.9.03
Great Article on the Pornography of POP music
A British music writer called Taylor Parkes was fired from a new British music magazine called Bang for submitting this writing which is a great critique of popular cultures theft of our individual sexuality and use of that as a pornographic
form for profit.
Safe for work but warning, strong language, thoughts.
- posted by Chad @ 15:22
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Virtual Splinters
Yesterday I had a virtual splinter in my right hands pinky.
I saw the splinter, I dug at the splinter,
I used a paper-clip to dig through layers of skin to get at the splinter, I ended up with a f***ing hole in
my finger for a splinter, that apparently was not ever really present. Perhaps it was a discoloration, but
it was amazingly lifelike. There seemed to be a little hole, I could almost feel the tip of it when pressure
was applied. I think I was just hit with a virtual splinter.
Have you ever had a Virtual splinter?
Chad Bowers sometimes gets virtual splinters
- posted by Chad @ 10:18
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9.9.03
NBC 5 has learned from an exclusive source known only as the shadow, that Chad Bowers may not in fact be the victim of a super dimensional infestation of spider-bots in the underarm area.
Chad first became alarmed of the suspected presence of spider-bots during a routine shower, when while washing out his under arm area with industrial cleaners, he noticed that the curly black locks of hair normally found there had been replaced or perhaps displaced by a small army of super dimensional spider-bots. The spider-bots are assumed to work for a person also known as the shadow, and they use shock-claws to inflict pain thus directing the will of the infected. Infected individuals are persuaded by use of said shocks to seek out re-runs of televisions Golden Girls for reasons also unknown. We will continue to update you on this story as news breaks. In other news the city of Coppel is proud of their elementary students who were voted "tops" in the state for good attendance.
- posted by Chad @ 08:41
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8.9.03
I have seen with my own eyes the directionality of star shine, I have heard their calls
on certain sub harmonic registers that are impossible to gleam meaning from otherwise.
Not with telescope or other instrument within, but
only with soulistic voyuerism can the truth be vized.
tools and measure, only measure.
vibration of robotic creation spawns culture
through animalistic modification. Deterioration is
a myth, like time decay and spiritual glyphs, the tides
rising, the rythym pleasures, midas phrases, guilded
mazes, dream afterthought of lost science in a land
without rules.
- posted by Chad @ 16:03
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PF Changs is so very good,
but everytime I go, I wonder are there any vegetables?
Am I missing something?
There is most likely some sort of conspiracy afoot at the chinese bistro. I have noticed
that if you call ahead, you can be placed on a wait list, but you will still have to wait
for a period of time which can be about as long as not calling at all.
Also the one near my house is in the middle of a large parking lot, yet has valet
parking. During the 30 minute wait, it is fun to watch people come out from the
restaurant, hand their tag to the valet, who then walks about 10 feet and gets
into the patrons car, and moves it back to them, careful not to run over their toes
in the process and then hops out without laughing, expecting a tip.
- posted by Chad @ 12:05
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5.9.03
Quotes : The "Evil" underbelly of Quotes
The quote is not the innocent literary name dropper it pretends to be. The quote is in fact quite evil and "malicious", as malicious as
ACTI-Plaque is too Atari 2600 cartridges.
This evil has many forms. One of which is the attempt to give authority to just about any damn thing one wishes. Let's imagine I just pull
a quote right outta my "ass". I go to a coke machine, a person is behind me, I say and I quote, "to defeat them, first we must understand them".
So now the guy behind me thinks I am speaking about the evil of consumerism and how we must first experience its delights 'fore we bring them to
their designer fabric covered knees. Wrong brother, Oh how very wrong you are.
So there you are, ever so "clever", speaking about new things and quoting the past chairman of IBM on the world future computer needs, and quoting him as
he imagines the world computer market to be perhaps 16 machines. How foolish he is, and how smart am I you think. Wrong. You've just been quotefuct.
Being QuoteFuct is the feeling of false authority the inhabits our aire and thoughts through the corruption of the quote.
A great list of quotes on most any subject
Try some quotes out on yourself
Try out some of their "WEIRD QUOTES"
While you are at it head on over to The Gallery of "misused Quotation Marks
ex. for you lazy clickless wonders:
I was in a grocery store in my neighbourhood and I saw a cylinder shaped food package called:
"real" bacon bits
Suitable for vegetarians!
- posted by Chad @ 14:43
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4.9.03
Elevator Moods
Yesterday oh so suck'ed. So after wishing for time travel I now present elevator moods.
Most days I would like to time travel, but yesterday I was seriously wishing my time machine was working. As it occured to
me that I really messed up some temporal reality shit in 1986. I apologize for it, but without my magical machine it is
all for not. One day I will fix that which was wronged.
Something I would like to pronounce:
'ed added to any word should be stressed as a separate syllable entirely, read'ed would be pronounced
as "reed-ED". I would love the western world like a fur kitty if it were handled in this way. Please comply with all my
requests and you will be glad you did.
fartknockers
ELEVATOR MOODS was Swip'ed from the wonderful site Ultimate Insult.
Link to Ultimate Insult
- posted by Chad @ 09:07
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3.9.03
The truth is that I wish things were like they were in about 1986,
a lot less computers for one thing. Libraries had great possibilities and purpose,
grocery stores still bagged your fucking groceries, a whole load of shit had not gone down
yet, in fact a lot of what has happened since then is probably my fault.
CD's were very new, but you could still buy an LP in any record store, movie rentals were
available on VHS.
- posted by Chad @ 18:18
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1.9.03
Car Sales:
A few years ago, I spent about half a year working at a Honda dealership as a salesperson. One of the fun things about working at a place like that when you are still in your student phase of life, is that you really don't give a shit about getting fired or making money, so most of your day can be spent seeking fun.
I worked with a great cast of misfits, including a young con man, a few drunks, an insane owner, and a few professionals. One day after the brand spanking new 1998 Accords came in, I took a middle aged woman on a test drive. I told her as was our custom that I would drive off the lot and tell her some of the features of the car before turning the wheel over to her.
I did this, showing her that the greatest feature on the indash cd/cassette/cd changer 6 speaker stereo was the ability to change the treble while listening to AM transmissions, I went into great exagerated depth about each of 6 AM stations I liked to have pre-programmed into the cars, I tried to assure her that no-one really listened to FM anymore.
I told her that it was my understanding that this car would last damn near forever and required only the slightest attention from its owner, This I think was true.
She asked me about its handling on ruff roads and could she try it, on a less than perfectly paved road. I said yes, offcourse.
There was a a new road being constructed through what had previously been a large hilly area with trees and forest. The construction had cleared the trees and made a rough path suitable for most SUV's, any rugged truck could make it through with care, so I thought a spanking new Accord should cut it.
She looked a bit apprehensive and told me she didn't think we should drive there, but I assured her that this new Honda could handle the roughest conditions, I hit the road hard, showing her how to shift the automatic into 1st for more low end torque, I was amazed at what we could accomplish in that car, Honda really did a bang up job on those Accords. We bounced over hard packed dirt holes and remnants of tree stumps, and plowed up the hill at offroad speeds of over 30 MPH, it felt like we were going 80.
She was very impressed. She actually bought the car, but when we got back, she asked if I could deduct some money for all the scratches along the bottom half of the car. I was able
to get her that car for cost. I told the sales manager that the car had been like that when we climbed in it, and since I looked pretty normal, he bought it.
I really felt good, because where I had attempted to do something really stupid, I had actually succedded in selling the only car I ever sold there, and not only that but I got the lady a great deal.
24.11.03
I hung Christmas lights around the house, Icicle patterned lights on white LEAD coated wiring. Also placed a robotic raindeer on the front yard, and lights around the door. Thankfully I didn't fall off the roof. The roof was much more steep than my childhood roof and I don't think I can ever be comfortable on that pitch of roof. On a ladder, hanging Christmas lights, I felt alot like Clarke Grisswald, which was nice. Laura loves decorating for all the holidays so its good that we have so many of them. I think we are in the holiday season, Halloween, Thanksfgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines. I think I will "coin" the word holiday season.
- posted by Chad @ 09:51
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20.11.03
MITCH HEDBURG is really funny, below are some words he said. (in order)
Read More about it - Click this thing here Mitch Hedburg
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...
My roommate says, "I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first...
...Every time I go and shave I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too"
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got motherfucker, this thing is useful...I'm gonna go pick something up"
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at...
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work...
You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together...
2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
I played golf...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
...You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.
I have a friend who is a juggler. When I go to his house I don't like to take food from him if it is in threes. "He has three apples left...I guess I can't have one"
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly...
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"
I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "Shit, I had to be somewhere..."
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."
I saw a six pack of soda-pop for $1.20. That price fucks with your head, man. Because then I though that I would start selling soda-pop. Suddenly I got things of pop with me. "What's going on, Mitch." "Not much, looking to buy some pop? Fifty cents a can. It's not refridgerated because this is a half assed commitment."
My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No man, perhaps it is not the weather that is trippy, it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy..." then I thought, man, I should have just said, 'yeah...'
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.
Foosball fucked up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a backflip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that...day.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Because of [dropping] Acid, I know now that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah, reminds me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.
In England Smoky the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, al-right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.
- posted by Chad @ 15:18
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Bob and David click this thing here
Bob and David site for much funny reading. Their making a movie, I still need to see Mr. Show but for now I will just read this site. Will you join me?
Check the great letters from a nut working at Staple's who sends in movie pitches.
- posted by Chad @ 13:59
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19.11.03
Roullet and Decamps click this thing here
Roullet and DeCamps what wonderful machines they made. Automotons of unnatural beauty and centuries ahead of the crap made by those poser Egyptians.
- posted by Chad @ 14:48
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well offcourse it's art, and yes, it is for sale.
- posted by Chad @ 14:43
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18.11.03
the new cool / dreaming
I am the new cool my pad somewhere in Hawaii, I'd suppose. All the furniture came from catalogs.
We have a buruea table, starburst galactic clocks and tanzinite floor, with glass fiber curtains and
a gentle breeze.
Music from the twin automatic turntables, play 33 and 1/3rds luxuria music as we drift on breezes reading hipster
dialouges and a play or two, in the breeze, through open windows. finally I am this cool.
the televisor reveals shades of captain kangaroo, but no one is watching, its just ornamental visions, of another time.
- posted by Chad @ 17:03
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weight and all that imagines, planets, star-birth
the gravity of your mother and hers and hers
word weapon of childhood ghost
the empty hole, rows and rows
fertile valley tills this death
projection injection
another bloom
brings our
season
till
- posted by Chad @ 16:56
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what second war world?
word weapons violations
thought projection
world war, war weapons
exact experiences
empty highway, life way?
tolls pave the road
vibrate you silly robots, vibrate.
- posted by Chad @ 16:51
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the devil plays coconuts
hangs them on his knee
dont look back for me
everytime the same
lanterns fail to light
laughter hides the pain
the devils blood is obvious
- posted by Chad @ 16:48
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angels flip fivers into
the hands of the stranger
worship what we make
- posted by Chad @ 16:47
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no more damn pictures on TITFOS
All pictorial elements now located in the swanky TITFOS Galerie' accessible as a ahref
So, looking over the visitor logs, I noticed that sometime around the time, I started putting pictures up, daily visitors to TITFOS went from the low 100's per day, down to about 10 per day. I put two and two together and came up with a poem:
Globular Pumpkins of great mass...
who would use a Jack'O'lantern for light?
Obtuse as they are orange!
vines sprout from their fontanelles like the arms of a sea octopus.
squash fuckers...unite!
embrace thy fleshy pulp.
- posted by Chad @ 09:16
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17.11.03
The Price is Right / TPIR homepage
Deep in my mind, the sights sounds of the Price is Right constantly play an endless pricing game, continually earning me great prizes and fabulous showcases. I have found a wonderful TPIR shrine, check it out man.
It meant freedom from school, freedom from the entire outside world.
- posted by Chad @ 14:08
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HomeBoys in OuterSpace
Why did Homeboys in Outerspace fail so miserably on the UPN network. It could have been a comedy goldmine, but it was not.
I never actually saw the show, but I do kinda wish I had it tivo'd somewhere. I would like to have a giant tivo full of months worth of this kind of stuff. I few hundred terrabytes of television, that would be at my fingertips. also:
1.50 million dollars
2.lazy boy recliner
3.free food from KFC
4.100" projection TV thing
5.Playstation9 with all the games
- posted by Chad @ 13:51
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Pop Pop Brand Poppers
you needing joke popper, throw at ground to make explosion happen. People laughing
as many times you exlpoding BANG! at feet.
Left or right, there is no wrong turn at PIXEL BARN part of
www.cardhouse.com
BE the ENVY of your PEER GROUP
Barney Peer group envy
what color mean holiday of?
I think yellow is fried dumb bird living in ghetto.
- posted by Chad @ 11:32
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KISS on KIDS are People Too
I feel about KISS about how I feel about
Stretch-Armstrong., So anyway like me you would probably enjoy this video clip of the Knights in Satins Service interviewed on KIDS ARE PEOPLE TOO.
rock-on you knobbly tired, MAG-wheeled, slot car racers, it's an internet timewarp, warp warp warp...
- posted by Chad @ 11:18
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14.11.03
nothing to say here.
- posted by Chad @ 15:49
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One of my super-powers is the ability to "Un-Toast" bread that has been toasted. While I can't reveal the entire process, I will admit that Microwave technology is involved. I have demonstrated this to startled family members during get-togethers, and they were left with the dropped jaw of the utterly dumbfounded.
One way I plan to use this power is to make money at local parties and events for children, other potential military applications may be for food rationing of some sort. I can imagine that our military leaders may well have hundreds of uses for my proven abilities. I promise you this, If my super-powers can be used to end the age of terrorism, bring piece to the middle east, or even provide food for all the starving nations, I will do so for very little personal profit.
I only plan to charge your world's governing bodies a fair market value for my abilities. I do expect full co-operation and payment in gold-bullion or spanish pieces-o-eight, so as to avoid the monetary impractibilities of temporal dislocation and associated tax fiends of certain un-named governments.
Here is my plan in a nut-shell:
each toast is valued at $0.5 cents per universal slice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
10000 Universal Slices = $500.00 US 2003 dollars per day
50000 Universal Slices = $2500.00 US 2003 dollars per day
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The miracle will performed nightly at the Palm Casino in Las Vegas Nevada. Mostly I will depend on the sale of trinkets and t-shirts to fuel my empire of world-wide charity and good works for a needy public. I consider myself the champion of all down-trodded peoples and also plan to publish various books of poetry for inspiration to those hopeless and fatigued by our present condition or lack of ability.
The Cost per Universal Slice as listed above will merely be a stipend of sorts to help ends meet. I will offcourse not be endorsing any products for that style is beneath my character. If one should request my endorsement, I should think they might be startled by the harsh reaction received from me. Let not them cast any inclinations towards their greed, rather my hand, inflated by the will of millions, shall smack them from on high, as does all injustice in the end.
I am weary from status and its ill wind, which has cast my lot so high while leaving others so leavened, so that at the end of the day, my very reflection bears down upon me with some gravity as I posit to resist these Earthly temptation. Let their be no mistake amoung men, or let no person charge me for groceries or common consumer goods, for it is not theft, levitating your stock from your storage to mine, but the will of my guilty hand, as i continue to suffer your ignorance and contempt for my very abilities on which you yourself and yours are so depended.
- posted by Chad @ 10:08
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13.11.03
It was a new game on TPIR, The Price is Right. Bob Barker seemed very excited as he called on his Barker beauties to reveal the brand new Boat Game. The boat game was a lazy river type ride where the contestant sat in the boat and pointed at all the wonderful prizes. The TV viewer rode along beside them, looking at all the wonderful prizes. The Great thing about the boat ride was that you could pick out everything you wanted and it would be yours. But there was a catch. You had to then come with $500 of the actual retail price in order to win the items.
I loved the boat game, it was one of the best Price is Right dreams ever.
- posted by Chad @ 17:24
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crap ass link to crap ass movie
Anger Management is a crap ass movie, not that I was expecting much from Adam Sandler. What the hell right, I like pay per view (non porn) movies because they are easy, but this movie did no trick on my TV, clever monkey.
Jack Nicholson is mysteriously present in this piece of crap. It must have been a favor to Adam or the studio.
Enough crap.
A thouroughly great flick____28 DAYS
28 Days later via IMDB
An incredibly simple and appealing film. A film that by its straightforward sensibilities sets itself apart from most recent mainstream films. There is no new genre, or boundary pushing cinema technics, just a really engaging film about a different type of apocolypse than we usual expect. A zombie movie that is not a zombie movie. My favorite thing about this movie is the fact that it is not great, or incredible its just well done, like a hamburger.
It's all very formulae and yet never comes off as been-done too many times before. It's not terribly scary, but has all sorts of possibilities for expansion. I love that in movies, where you really find yourself thinking of all the different subtle side stories that are touched upon, possible sequels and TV show variations rush into your mind. This is one of those movies. and its worth your time.
- posted by Chad @ 12:57
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12.11.03
TITFOS art gallery added.
look at the titfos pictures
www.titfos.alturl.com
- posted by Chad @ 16:20
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11.11.03
PECAN PIE
I have seen the little pie, sitting on row H, position 4. It looks for all the world like a full size pecan pie and yet it is clearly smaller and able to stand on its hind legs like a person. I contemplate buying the pie and all that means. I can picture my money entering the machine, and i can picture myself eating the pie, just like I was a giant.
The small Pecan pie is not an example of shrinking electronic technology and it is not meant to be a sight gag or optical illusion. It is simply a very small pie. I have eaten real Pecan pie, as recently as today. I had some Pecan Pie at lunch at Sandy's. Sandy's is on Rufe Snow Dr. in North Richland Hills. They will serve you as much tea as you can drink at Sandy's.
Sandy's will not tolerate a half full glass. You must work with your tea to sweetener ratio as it is always changing. I like to keep a pile of the "pink" stuff handy to work my ratio properly.
The pecan Pie at Sandy's is normal sized.
- posted by Chad @ 15:32
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The Incredible True FACTS of Space
There are boats under the water and people.
the people under the water can't see the stars
they confuse starlight with love, and don't see the beauty
because they only look for lust
They keep buying things, things they don't need.
their own words betrayed them fantastically!
So fantastic that the people under the water traded
their third eye for only a glimpse of them.
At the moment it seemed like a great trade, but having lost their true
sight they would lose much more in generations to come, one day they forgot who they were
and they drowned, but nobody realized it. The giant octopus blew a wind of sunshine
towards them and they came back to life. Their children now grew up in slavery
and they called this freedom, they imprisoned themselves and called it free thought.
The God didn't care because he expected this sort of thing. He was pained by it and his side
bleed. The blood was holy and came to be a river, which brought fish into the world of slower than
light particles. The fish became a symbol of man and evolved into other symbols of man, the symbols
of man himself were likeness of those past things, but now betrayed the man.
I think snakes were involved somehow.
Other people didn't care and that was OK.
- posted by Chad @ 15:24
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10.11.03
inside the cow brain we found a pearl. The pearl was squishy and smelled like a recently dead catfish.
I asked my father how he thought the pearl got inside the cow's head.
My father answered that sometimes while the cow is chewing his cud, micro-proteins are massaged by
the jaw muscles and collect in the brain pan to form what the old folks called pearls.
The knife in my tool box broke in half, like a leg fracture, just below it's knee. I fished around in the bottom of
the box and I found a fence hammer, which I used to pound on the pearl in an attempt to shatter it.
I told Daddy that I was most certain in my mind that if I could shatter the pearl, I would find something
precious inside of it.
I pounded the pearl with the fence hammer using over 100 hundred percent of my actual strength, repeatedly.
The pearl gushed from under the hammer, its flesh covered my brow.
When I looked into what was left I heard a song in my head, and Daddy heard it too, I think.
The Sun stopped moving across the sky and the air turned black and the music grew louder.
Daddy and me started to dance. We danced faster as the black air got colder. The music was now quite
literally an octopus living within my brain. His tentacles were gasping outwards at the speed of light, pollenating
entire galaxies with pearl I had found. Daddy and I became transparent and the music was wonderful.
- posted by Chad @ 12:45
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Info about the Junior League
Understand gentle reader that I am not being crass. I simply wonder what this Junior League business is a Junior of.
I have never heard nor found a Senior League of which the Junior League can be Junior too.
They seem to be mostly women of upper middle class or better standing and they do good works for the most part.
The Junior League provides shelter for battered women, conducts Literacy programs, offers cigerettes at reduced prices to those in need, and arranges clothing donations to various charities.
There are 294 Junior Leagues in the United States and ZERO Senior Leagues.
I propose:
A senior league, to be attended by Men only, we will work for the common good as well. We will teach younger men to hold their liquor, how to dress properly, how to roll a cigerette properly, how to evade unneeded taxes, and how to philander various things and so forth.
Would you like to join? Give us a ring, GOV.
mailto: titfos@hotmail.com
- posted by Chad @ 10:34
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7.11.03
VERSION 1 Everybody's a melonThe battery vampires eat Silver Oxide 357 for the electric death charge hidden within their metallic bodies. Creatures of the night lurking around wicker stores and funeral parlor, prowling the streets for dirt cheap batteries and cheaper laughs. Electrostat preferred Energizer 357 silver oxides, the type you buy off the internet, the so-called time travel battery. Electrostat knew many things but loved only one, that thing being entirely unconceivable videogames made from the remains of rope bodies and the souls of exotified tesla elfs.
Perhaps you would like to ride the light fantastico yourself? Head on over to www.357batteries.com and join the party, we will be waiting for your order, waiting in the dark magical cemetary that is, waiting with latex masks covering our romantically alien faces, spidersilk unwinding from our forked rat eating snake tounges and clever sound effects pulsating from the cheaply chic lightbulbs that those vampire fucks use to scent their rooms with hippy oils and myrhh.
Offcourse you dear reader are not meant to ponder our problems, but instead invited to create some of your own. Join us on the midnight pleasure cruise. The next stop may be your own....da da dummmmmmmmm.
The Energizer 357 Silver Oxide is bestestEst battery on Earth�*
*Earth is a trade device (used by permission of Lord Fjronjaber)
VERSION 2 We all eat cake
The battery vampires eat Silver Oxide 357 for the electric death charge hidden within their metallic bodies. Creatures of the night lurking around wicker stores and funeral parlor, prowling the streets for dirt cheap batteries and cheaper laughs. Electrostat preferred Energizer 357 silver oxides, the type you buy off the internet, the so-called time travel battery. Electrostat knew many things but loved only one, that thing being entirely unconceivable videogames made from the remains of rope bodies and the souls of exotified tesla elfs.
Perhaps you would like to ride the light fantastico yourself? Head on over to www.357batteries.com and join the party, we will be waiting for your order, waiting in the dark magical cemetary that is, waiting with latex masks covering our romantically alien faces, spidersilk unwinding from our forked rat eating snake tounges and clever sound effects pulsating from the cheaply chic lightbulbs that those vampire fucks use to scent their rooms with hippy oils and myrhh.
Offcourse you dear reader are not meant to ponder our problems, but instead invited to create some of your own. Join us on the midnight pleasure cruise. The next stop may be your own....da da dummmmmmmmm.
The Energizer 357 Silver Oxide is bestestEst battery on Earth�*
*Earth is a trade device (used by permission of Lord Fjronjaber)
- posted by Chad @ 14:59
|
One of the best things in the world is the word FREE.
One of the other best things is offcourse VideoGames.
So perhaps you would appreciate FREE VideoGames.
Abandoned Video Games
Everythings free on the internet right? No not really. The entire site is full of games, that probably the owners legally don't care about anymore. So while the site has them available, the guy running it is not saying that the games are abandoned, just the its likely that no one really cares if you download them for free.
- posted by Chad @ 10:36
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3.11.03
One nice FLASH animation
GO GO HYPERkitty, because in our hearts, we all still harbour techno love for internet
and we yearn for the speedy lifestyle of cute japanese weirdness. Forever may you
pass the time, oh clever and quick animated nothings, hopefully we will send cheerful
messages such as those you convey, even in our older age.
- posted by Chad @ 16:52
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I wish I were a stamp collector, but not a stamp collector of today. I can't do these things anymore. The companies all "get it" and that makes me lose interest. I could collect stamps if it were an odd thing to do. I could collect stamps if the post office didn't have entire departments devoted to milking money from people like me. Magnify this by every company, product, and service you can think of, and that is why I am sick of our culture.
---NEW THINGS to COLLECT!, kollectiones de Neu Orduer-
-1. Video clips of broadcast mistakes (insert commercial tags, switcher errors, tech difficulties)
-2. Color bar references on printed packaging, print test patterns on cosumer goods
-3. RFid tags, Theft ID tags of various manufacture
-4. Random numbers, here's one to get you started: "3"
-5. Post-it notes from other peoples desks (boxes and boxes of post-it notes)
-6. Screws taken from buildings, places, things (hint: bring your own screwdriver)
-7. Napkins emblazoned with logo's (the new matchbox)
-8. New Mcdonalds menu items (remember NEW McSushi?)
-9. file formats .aiff, .abm, .atr, .cif, .669, .cab, .bmp, .cur, .ico, .tos, and machines to read them
-10. Memories of personal failures (esp, jedi mind tricks, New Coke, time travel, astral projections)
The Most Powerful Diesel Engine in the World!
The cylinder bore is just under 38" and the stroke is just over 98". Each cylinder displaces 111,143 cubic inches (1820 liters) and produces 7780 horsepower. Total displacement comes out to 1,556,002 cubic inches (25,480 liters) for the fourteen cylinder version.
Some facts on the 14 cylinder version:
Total engine weight: 2300 tons (The crankshaft alone weighs 300 tons.)
Length: 89 feet
Height: 44 feet
Maximum power: 108,920 hp at 102 rpm
Maximum torque: 5,608,312 lb/ft at 102rpm
- posted by Chad @ 14:03
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New titfos picture section added to the right floaty menu thing.
- posted by Chad @ 11:00
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Check out this background, its made from a close up of the a river from the 3 plate color process used by the Russian photographer from a few posts back. SImple but fun to make.
er's a link
background1 .jpg about 26k
background2 .jpg about 126k
- posted by Chad @ 10:32
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30.3.04
People at Work - The Empire That Was Russia: The Prokudin-Gorskii PhotographicRecord Recreated (A Library of Congress Exhibition)
It is a great thing to see pictures of the past in color. Because of movies and television I have a hard time seeing the past in anything other than shades of gray. Finding color pictures of the people and places that I have otherwise only seen in shades of gray is liberating.
There are many great pictures on the site about life in the Soviet Union. This reminds me of the series on recently on the Discover channel or was it PBS? where hundreds of rolls of color film have been found documenting World War II. Seeing the people, and things in color somehow makes them entirely more real.
- posted by Chad @ 16:47
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wowee zowee new background image, ladies and gentlemen we have arrived in the way way wild future of 1995
- posted by Chad @ 11:38
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I have placed my first piece of video game art on ebay to see if it will generate any interest. I would love to sell it, but would also just like to get some attention for it also. Last night we watched a great episode of Hawaii 5-0, it was very well written with some really fantastic camera work. I particularly liked the 1st person suitcase perspective shot at the airport where the camera rides up the luggage delivery system and around the luggage carousel.
Lola our incredible 5 month old wonder POM has a new habit of wanting to go out every 10 minutes and then wants to come back in a few minutes after that. I wish that I had built a dog door into the house. She is getting close to the 6 month mark which means that she will need to be "abducted" by the aliens as our cat Bali calls it.
Being "abducted" is code for being fixed, and we need to schedule little pup for her laser surgery fix'n.
It's more expensive but is safer for little dogs because their is less scaring and fast healing.
Bali had the procedure many years ago and she still thinks she was abducted, she talks about it all the time and has little pup filled with stories about the alien surgery people.
- posted by Chad @ 10:04
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The Attack of the Giant Red Octopus
flash cartoon about a giant red octopus and its attack on a town
a distilation of many common anime conventions and clever use of flash give this one added watchability. Plus robots.
- posted by Chad @ 09:57
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29.3.04
where can you buy something as cool as a dog, or as great as a tree?
a good dog breeder
and
Your local nursery
We love our new tree. Delivered on Saturday and now making itself at home in the back yard.
It's amazing that you can buy tree's. It is not something that I ever imagined as a kid.
I was thinking how I really like my P4 megaplex computer and yet how I also like my new tree, and I know that years from now, my tree will only be better and nicer, and more comforting, while my computer will cry out to be replaced, mocking me daily with its ever antiquating devolution into piece-0-crapdom-om.
The new tree is a red bud and is very nice to look at, it consists of three brances sprouting out of a thin trunk and stands about 12 feet high.
Two birds have already decided that it is suitable to their tastes. I have seen them sitting on the branches twice. I believe they are thinking of building a home there.
Lola unfortunately decided that the new tree was a perfect place to dig a hole. She came in muddy and I had to give her a bath. We sprinkled Anti-Doggy crystals around the tree and according to the package we should expect our dog to leave the tree alone.
Also we planted Begonia's and watched school of rock.
- posted by Chad @ 17:17
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bad attitude
I have a bad attitude, sometimes.
PetCo is collecting money for pet charity, which is a good thing, but since they ask every customer for a donation, it makes me think, Why don't they make a donation, can't they even match my donation. I know it takes some corporate effort to even have the initiative to collect the money, and with some creative accounting, or even pretty penny pinching accounting they could say that the time required to ask for the money and handle the funds and put up the boxes and etc, come to large amount, but still here is where my attitude comes in.
If I am giving money to a charity on behalf of a corporation, is the corporation itself not a recipient of my charity as well. It certainly makes them look good to collect my money and then give it in a lump sum. It benefits their image on behalf of all their customers.
I think companies understand all of this very well. Therefore I hope that we as consumers can understand what is happening at least as well. Why do the companies such as PetCo not offer to match dollar for dollar everything I donate?
If I am donating money perhaps I should donate it directly myself.
The next time someone asks you if you can give to a charity ask them what they plan to give. Tell them that you will give a dollar if they do.
- posted by Chad @ 10:50
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27.3.04
Lola and Bali are eagerly watching out the back windows as a tree is being planted in our back yard. it looks like rain, Laura and I are going flower shopping in the afternoon.
weekend's are good.
- posted by Chad @ 09:43
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26.3.04
KHAAAN!!!
One of the most powerful Shatner moments in all of film, documented and looped forever (or at least a few internet moments) at www.khaaan.com
- posted by Chad @ 12:08
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Top doc backs picking your nose and eating it
ctrl-C'd from ANANOVA
Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.
Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.
He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.
Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.
"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.
"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.
"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free."
He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."
And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.
- posted by Chad @ 10:32
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If you end up in the slave kitchens of planet Momba, take the Dental Plan, it's amazing!
- posted by Chad @ 09:43
|
An experiment gone horribly wrong replicated 187 trillion+ tacos out of source matter, creating the taco hole in the Biele universe. The taco matter at the center of this hole is so dense that one bite of it equals a billion tacos.
- posted by Chad @ 09:42
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25.3.04
I don't think anyone said remember the Alamo during the Alamo. Do you? So after seeing a TV commercial for the new movie called The Alamo I noticed that they had some fool on a horse riding around a burnt down shack that I suppose was the Alamo, and he's screaming to those around him, "REMEMBER THE ALAMO"?
- posted by Chad @ 14:46
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Things which may indicate that your web site sucks:
Hit counters
Under construction road signs with the animated workmen
a photo of the site owner
a photo of the site owner's wife, children, friends, dog, cat, house, boat, or bicycle
clipart on every page
Best Viewed With
click here
This site named Joe's Site of the X
Inverted-L shaped frames
cheap midi music
anything that flashes
huge Flash animations that blink "Loading"
splash pages
rotating 3D text
flash intros with lots of thin lines moving all over the place
background music
annoying animated banners
Just bad design
the swoosh logo and its variants
graphical effect with nested table borders
nested tables
800px wide pages that display on the left side of the screen in higher resolutions
text that expands to full width making the lines too long and difficult to read
the dreamweaver netscape 4 resize layer function
tiny text in tight pixel pushed fixed width layouts
gratuitous use of iframes
gratuitous use of IE scrollbar css
Swap images
Anything with a gradient
smileys
banners
sites that made their name selling one product and have expanded into others - badly.
Who wants to buy underwear at a bookshop?
- posted by Chad @ 10:35
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24.3.04
unplug the mixer from the wall and step away from the sink. the last words heard as I flipped the switch and created our world online.
Now we were Tron like, our lives became a Disney VHS clamshelled movie and Ernest Borgnaine was involved as well as a talking car that stole every scene. The talking car kept referencing KITT from Night Rider witch was out of theme with the period of the movie, but still managed to elicit laugh after laugh from the crew.
The thing to remember about all of this was that all I had intended to do was to mix up a protein shake and sit around in my boxers. All of this had been a bizarre accident.
Also note that within the original Disney movie of Tron, within that world, existed our world, this world.
We were being simulated by a 4k program stored on a cartridge rom chip, that was currently sitting without power or
device in a disabled American Veterans thrift store near Opelika Alabama.
The switch which normally controlled only the flourescent lamp over my sink had exceeded its original purpose by a hundred trillion times. The light caused a frogs dream to take a serious turn for the strange.
- posted by Chad @ 16:24
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Our cute puppy Lola has a strange habit of eating her food bite by bite and only after carrying bite by bite a safe distance from the food bowl. It's almost like she is afraid that the bowl will explode if she eats the food bowl-side.
Lola will come to the bowl, grab a little bite, then carry it about 10 feet away and chomp away on it.
What is she doing?
Does anyone know?
- posted by Chad @ 15:02
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23.3.04
it was a real ender. the people placed brand name idol worship on the drugs they banned and claimed citizenship for their heroes, making allowances for, and rules to seperate now from then, and if from when. Senators joked about it, and campaigns no longer turned on it, but that didn't mean nothing if you were poor. Your ass would go to jail.
So we dropped some NIKE and drove around the city at 4:00am, listening to technology enhanced musica from dead swedish bands who once sold a thousand Volvo's and we could exagerate their beat with the Ikea brain culture, using our modern sense of self to distinguish our shadows from the purple lit blue world of 4:00 exotica and camel smoke cigarettes in the early Mobile air.
That's the kind of people we were. Pattern seers. Meaning within meaning, no-meaning meme freakers. Taking our culture on a mental post-TV library rehash. This was all pre internet but we had the hypertext think thought, we could see the secret patterns linking all that was, from all that we could buy and we were brand name tripping.
We could travel in those days, just by reading books. Time travel late night at libraries, needing no sleep and reading, feeling vibrations and coffee at the Denny's is it really 5:00AM?
We were waiting for the moment to leap upon those cultures. The new cool, uncooled the old school and we knew us nerds had already one, and we were glad to be included, even if it meant our brand was coming undone and all at once we went mass and that was the last time, we ever had such top of mind awareness. It was the last time the world held us in focus, and as our time passed, our meanings fell apart as our dictionaries were re-written with new product and our goods were clearance sold items and then theme parks soon took over the world.
- posted by Chad @ 15:33
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Bah Abba's Pot-In-Pot refridgerator
This is Mohammed Bah Abba's Pot-in-pot invention. In northern Nigeria, where Mohammed is from, over 90% of the villages have no electricity. His invention, which he won a Rolex Award for (and $100,000), is a refrigerator than runs without electricity.
It's actually and old concept but had never been applied to this problem. Quakers have keep their drinking water cold in this way for over a hundred years.
Here's how it works. You take a smaller pot and put it inside a larger pot. Fill the space in between them with wet sand, and cover the top with a wet cloth. When the water evaporates, it pulls the heat out with it, making the inside cold. It's a natural, cheap, easy-to-make refrigerator.
I bet you don't even need a Sears Maintenance Agreement with this thing.
- posted by Chad @ 10:07
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22.3.04
The Diet Coke Cult
Man, I knew i had been abducted into a cult. It turns out my diet coke addiction is really just the first step in a much more devious cult like plan to sell soda.
link originally on Attu explains
- posted by Chad @ 17:46
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It's nice to know that people read your blog.
Because it is nice to know if people read your blog, I placed a hit counter on the bottom of the site. Over the last few months I was really happy to see that titfos was spreading the good word to about a thousand folks a month. That I thought was amazing, and it made me really happy because I like to feel important about myself.
Suddenly around the beginning of March, I noticed nobody was visiting anymore. I thought this was statistically odd, but figured that it was just one of those random things, like flipping heads twenty times in a row, no big deal right?
So here we are at the 22nd of the month and still no visitors....
Note to self:
Next time you delete your hit counter during a site update, don't be surprised if your web counter no longer counts visitors to your site.
Thank you for reading TITFOS!
- posted by Chad @ 17:35
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19.3.04
3 incredible true facts of space
1.) Volgon Help Line� understands that your time is valuable and they want you to know that
your planet is very important to them so please continue to hold, a representative will be with you shortly,
they are currently experiencing a higher than normal call volume.
2.) Earth art is primarily characterized by the canvas pattern on most notable works, dividing study of Earth art into two
fields, Earth-Canvas and Earth-Other.
3.) Chinese Food Traveling tip:
What Earthlings call an Egg Roll, most of the universe calls a fried cabbage tube.
(unrelated note: "remember that show, Pete and Pete?, quite good that show.")
- posted by Chad @ 17:21
|
The Sneeze
The Sneeze has a unique article about a guy trying a glass of his wife's milk.
He wonders to himself, "should it not be considered more strange to drink the milk from a cow"?
He then adds chocolate syrup and reports that it tastes almost exactly like "Yoo-Hoo"
- posted by Chad @ 16:12
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3, fourteen inch rims is riding on my side...
i like that show on mtv called I want to look like a celebrity. those are some really messed up people. It is one show on MTV that makes me feel better about myself.
I dont really watch a lot of MTV, but i'm just kinda making random comments right now.
I am glad that bobby hill on that show King of the hill doesnt get any older, I would worry about Peggy getting some kind of cancer, or Hank getting sick.
Aye Carumba...
- posted by Chad @ 10:47
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18.3.04
if you are into toilet humour
just damn comprehensive. About a days worth of reading material awaits you in the great toilet museum. they don't have a physical location, but they darn sure have a nice web site.
I try to double flush the toilet. I imagine this is like double clutching a car. I don't know what eiter of these things do, but I think the toilet version could be accomplished with some sort of voodoo toilet.
Somehow you would need to enact a new flush, midway throught he previous flush. It would be similar to the 1979 videogame Star Raiders, where if you were in fierce combat, sometimes you could fire the ol' double whallop!
- posted by Chad @ 16:07
|
a pointless stare at our constant sun
-just knowing it will break and end
comfort, though improbable and random, yet
comfort,
still.
knowing the big end will.
- posted by Chad @ 10:04
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16.3.04
click for Nutty Japanese flash weirdness
- posted by Chad @ 16:35
|
INCREDIBLE TRUE FACTS of SPACE
- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
- The Earth's sun uses no more electricity than a 100 watt light bulb.
- Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down hence the expression "to be fired."
- Canada is an Indian word meaning "the lost tepee".
- There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
- Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
- "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
- The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage.
If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
- The most common name in the world is Mohammed, which is the formal form of "MOE"
- The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
- Australia's underground caves allow one to tunnel under the ocean to the African continent.
- The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.
- The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher and yet made from pork intestine.
- Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
- Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that this was the day of the changeover.
- The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
- Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with "rejoice."
- In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam."
- The alien race visiting Earth are known as the grays.
- Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."
- More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
- The term, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye" is from Ancient Rome. The only rule during wrestling
matches was, "No eye gouging." Everything else was allowed, but the only way to be disqualified was to poke
someone's eye out.
- A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time equal to 1/100th of a second.
- A "splif" is another actual unit of time equal to the amount of time it takes to smoke an average joint.
- The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
- Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
- Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton and millions of poor people.
- Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie and helping to fight global warming.
- The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with - a
anything wider than your thumb.
- Time travel is possible, however it is heavily legislated and illegal for most people.
- An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
- The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds
- The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are
usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
- The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where
a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
- Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
- Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
- In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
- Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
- February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
- Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.
- The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
- Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.
- Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.
- The tetra family of tropical fish has the ability to "sing" for their mates, songs are heard for up to 30 yards.
- Cat's urine glows under a black light and looks kinda of trippy.
- Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it
could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
- The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.
- Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
- It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot.
- No new animals have been domesticated in the last 4000 years.
- Humans are the only animals which have belly buttons.
- Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
- The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
- Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously
- Birds do not have any known sex organs, their mating habits are a mystery.
- If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money
in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
- No NFL team which plays it's home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl
- In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured.
- The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports > games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day
before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
- Only people born before 1987 are capable of having so called near death experiences.
- Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
- The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan", yet the legend of Peter Pan is based on a true story.
- The moon has about the same land area as the state of Texas.
- posted by Chad @ 11:15
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15.3.04
AT&T Natural Voices - Demos (Interactive)
As heard on the Russ Martin show, AT&T natural voices sounds a lot like the basic mac voice program, but works online from any computer. Turn your typed words into voice, great for phone pranks or on-air radio stunts as used by the RMS.
A great phrase to type into the text to speech generator:
Knight Rider has a fly ass ride
- posted by Chad @ 09:45
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12.3.04
the amazing thing about doing nothing is that you really can't do that
you can try, just as i try, but you will still accomplish great things.
I am thinking of terrific poems, and great pictures
things I could write and things I could draw
and yet I am doing nothing
Sometimes thinking is better than doing, it is easier.
This thing which is a sentence, is a river made of shapes, and
the shapes touch your mind forming patterns which become your thoughts
and your thinking that you are doing nothing
Some time I am better than doing easy things
these times I thought of pictures and I can draw them for you.
I will only draw them if you pay me however.
- posted by Chad @ 15:47
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Microgravity Combustion Science
very cool NASA site on fire in microgravity
We know that flames "shoot up" and form the familiar tear-drop shape and smoke rises because of gravity. However, gravity masks many things that occur in combustion, which prevents us from fully understanding the process.
We can only deepen our understanding of fire and how it behaves by studying it in the absence of gravity�in microgravity. As shown in the photo on the right, a flame in microgravity behaves quite differently from a flame on earth.
- posted by Chad @ 14:09
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11.3.04
500,000 volts at 1.8amp per mile
The link above will take you to an amazing video (.mpg) of (~1.5 Mb) of a � million volt switch failing to interrupt the arc when operating. An arc is created that reaches 3 stories high. It's hard to imagine what that would have been like in person.
Some great technical analysis is available on the site linked..
- posted by Chad @ 14:58
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wofat likes TITFOS brand art gallery (ie)
titfos art gallerie updated with new drawering. New World Mapping, is about undiscovered galaxies and is based on the deep field photography of the hubble space telescope and particle displays from earth based accelerator models.
The idea of as large as large can be imaged vs. as small as small can be imaged is an interesting contrast to me.
It is neat to think that we can go as "far" small as we can "big".
We can see 13 billion light years away and image that view, and we can see elementary particles right under our nose, but billions of times smaller than our nose.
- posted by Chad @ 14:33
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HELP!, save free speech on the US airwaves
Fed up with the government deciding what you can watch, read and listen to? In addition to tighter definitions of "indecency" and higher fines for broadcasters, the FCC is also talking about regulating cable and satellite broadcasts. Read a message from the author of StopFCC.com - Click Here >>
Join the campaign for free speech today and cast your vote for the first amendment. (Keep reading...)
Help us get 1 million signatures. Tell your friends about StopFCC.Com. If you run a website or have a blog, post the link. If you are active in message boards, post the link. If you are a member of the media, mention the link. Call radio stations and get the URL on the air... however you do it, get the word out - together we can make a difference.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
-The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
- posted by Chad @ 10:06
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Just finishing cory doctorows, a place so foreign. What a great new writer. If you liked down and out in the magic kingdom, you will very well love this. give it a go. Check the link to the right, the what is chad reading now link, to find out more.
- posted by Chad @ 00:01
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10.3.04
FACT
If you work in a gun store, and a angry guy comes in, driving a wheel chair, and he is dressed in camo, with a vietnam vets patch on his jacket and then he wants to buy a sniper rifle, you should be very suspicious, especially if he signs the receipt as General George C Patton.
- posted by Chad @ 15:30
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Hawaii 5-O, a great list of Jack Lord's McGarrett McGarretism'sMcGarrettisms
1. While snapping his fingers, McGarrett says, "Suppose, suppose, just suppose..."
2. After bouncing ideas off of people, he says, "Exactly, exactly!
3. "NO DEALS!"
4. "No way, no way, no way!"
5. "I'm a cop, remember?"
6. "I want him Danno, I WANT him!" (pounding fist on table)
7. "Whatcha got (Chin, Danno, etc)?"
8. McGarrett enters a scene and says: "Gentlemen...."
9. "Gentlemen, I want this place gone over with a fine-toothed comb!"
10. "Aloha, Suckers!"
11. Let's slip a Konoism in here: "You know it, Bruddah!"
12. If women are so smart, how come they dance backwards!!
****************
- posted by Chad @ 14:48
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THE HAWAII FIVE-0 FAN CLUB NEWSLETTER
Volume 6 January, 2004 Issue 21
The greatest show on television has a active fan club, "be there"
(excerpt)
Thank you once again to everyone who purchased either the Jack Lord 2004 calendar and/or the Hawaii Five-0 4th Season calendar. I'll be sending another check off to the Memorial Committee in the amount of $250. I have recently heard from the committee members that the bust of Jack is coming along nicely. If I haven't already mentioned it, they found a young art student who is working devotedly on the project. She lives in Hawaii and has been in close contact with Doug Mossman and other committee members who are watching her work-in-progress. I know we have said this before, but hopefully the project will be completed very soon and everyone involved in the project thanks all the fans for their patience and support on this memorial to Jack.
- posted by Chad @ 14:46
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since we live in our brain, it seems weird that we are not compelled to always wear helmets.
Eat in helmets,
sleep in helmuts,
cook spagetti in helmuts,
I would have thought that humans would have been crazy about helmuts.
- posted by Chad @ 12:28
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Heard the strangest thing on last nights local NBC 5 news:
(from Plano TX)
"Today, a young boy in kindergarten realized that all matter
is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration.
That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.
There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream
and we are the imagination of ourselves."
.....NOW, Here's Krista with the weather."
NBC5i weather
- posted by Chad @ 09:44
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free song for you: screw the RIAA, there's nothing they can do "yet" if you sing it in your head.
Butthole Surfers: Moving to Florida
Moving To Florida Lyrics
the song kinda goes: bamba, bom, bamba, bom, bamb!
Well, well I been movin' down to Florida.
And I'm gonna bowl me a perfect game.
Well I'm gonna cut off my leg down in Florida, child.
And I'm gonna dance one-legged off in the rain.
Now, they say that Sidney Poitier was a blind man.
And they say that LBJ was a Soviet Jew.
When I go down Florida Way,
They're ain't no kind of sexual healing that I would not, could not, should
Not do, stick it right here.
Well I been movin' down to Florida.
I'm gonna potty train the chairman Mao.
I'm gonna make the governor write my doodoo a letter, child.
And I'm gonna grind me up a White Castle side out of India's sacred cow.
Well, I been movin' down Florida Way,
And I'm gonna build me the atomic bomb.
Well, I'm gonna hold time hostage down in Florida, child.
Ain't nobody, said ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do. Right here.
By this time I guess you've figured out about Florida.
Drink the muddy water in the Vaseline stain.
They be makin' tadpoles the size of Americans down in Florida.
That be tellin' Julio Iglesias what to sing, now.
Now, whoever said that Sidney Poitier was a blind man,
Knew the same of Elvis Presley, too.
When I go down Florida Way,
Ain't nobody, said ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do. Right here.
Well I been goin' down to Florida.
Pole cats lie naked in the Seminole sin.
When I go down Florida Way,
Like Vince, I wanna' win.
Well I went down to Florida.
I got away.
I took the children down to Florida.
I stuck the dick down the drain.
Get that boy down to Florida.
Give him a switch blade.
Tell him what to do.
- posted by Chad @ 09:34
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review of cheap cheap cheap snack foods from the onion, word em up to the metafilter for da link-up
Paradise Valley Ham & Cheese Sandwich On A Kaiser Roll
Q: If two full-sized ham-and-cheese sandwiches retail for $1, how much money could possibly have been spent on their raw ingredients? And when does a food item's low price cross the threshold from terrific bargain to serious concern? A: Not enough, and now, in Paradise Valley.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "L-cysteine."
Worth the price? As a curiosity, priceless. As sustenance, only in dire emergencies. As a choice, positively not.
Treet
The tin says it all, though not succinctly: "Luncheon loaf with chicken, pork added. Smoke flavoring added." Basically, it's off-brand Spam, but with chicken in addition to the usual meat byproducts. Inside the tin is a greasy brick of mottled pink material. Science has been unable to determine anything further about Treet.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Food starch-modified."
Worth the price? If only for the recipe on the back of the can, which teaches the unutterably incompetent how to make a Treet sandwich by layering bread, cheese, sauerkraut, and mayonnaise in a strictly prescribed order.
- posted by Chad @ 09:28
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9.3.04
FLY - get in the groove or get out of it in this flight sim
enter the world of fly_2
You can fly anywhere, there is no reason or purpose other than to have the fun time of being the plane. click the link above to fly_2, and experience the wasting of time for yourself. I would rate it 3 goods and no bad.
CONTROLS:
1-4 === wingmen tricks (they will come back and join you)
SPACE BAR === Camera modes
- posted by Chad @ 15:46
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the real Chewbacca is in the building doing voice work. wow!, I must go sit in now, I can always sell stuff later.
update:
very nice man, very big guy. wow, that's one of the coolest things. He sat next to Han Solo, awesome!
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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Moon Landing Hoax Uncovered in this film
Top 10 Poisons I am currently ingesting:
10. Nutra-Sweet
09. Cocoa-Peebles
08. Paxil
07. Toxic adhesive fumes from vabid use of post-it notes
06. lead from lead flavored chewing gum
05. Ketone emissions from everyone doing the Atkins diet
04. 1988 album "open up and say ah"
03. French recipe broiled Talipia "poisson"
02. Arsenic tablets for night-time indigestion
01. plain ol' battery acid
- posted by Chad @ 14:36
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More Tuesday celebration
CARL: Big hitter, the Lama. Long.
CARL: ...And I said, Hey Lama, how 'bout a little something, you know, for the effort? And he says, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed you will receive total consciousness So I got that going for me, which is nice.
CARL: Mrs. Crane! You're a little monkey woman, you know that?
CARL: This crowd has grown deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta' nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.
CARL: It's in the hole!!
CARL: If I were you, I'd keep playin', I don't think the really heavy stuff's comin' down for quite a while.
CARL: This is a hybrid ... of bluegrass, Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent and northern California sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this, is that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on the stuff.
CARL: I'll slack you off you fuzzy little foreigner.
CARL: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
CARL: They're like the vietcong...varmintcong. So what you got to do...you got to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote.
CARL: I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
CARL: Au revoir Gopher!
- posted by Chad @ 12:29
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For Tuesday's everywhere...in celebration of tuesday
TY: You take drugs, Danny?
DANNY: Every day.
TY: Then what's your problem?
TY: I like you, Betty.
DANNY: That's Danny sir.
TY: I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.
TY: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
LACY: I tried to look you up but there wasn't a listing for Mr. Wonderful.
TY: What spelling did you use?
TY: There's a force in the Universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen and be the ball.
TY: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
JUDGE SMAILS: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. Why, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
TY: Don't sell yourself short judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
TY: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
JUDGE SMAILS: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty: By height.
DR. BEEPER: I thought you were gonna' play me in the tournament.
TY: Well I guess you'll just have to keep playing with yourself.
DR. BEEPER: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
TY: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
TY: A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no holes is a danish.
TY: Me winning isn't, you do.
- posted by Chad @ 12:29
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8.3.04
Motorcycle tour of Chernobyl "dead zone"
Very brave motorcycle adventure on planet Earth. The city Chernobyl home of a horrible nuclear accident in 1986. The 17 pages of this adventure start on a google cached page, but the rest of them seem to be hosted on their original server. It is very moving journey.
No one really knows how many people died. It was more than 100,000 but less than 500,000. Millions would never be the same.
- posted by Chad @ 16:21
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great guide to Catcher in the Rye
So heres the thing. I am going to tell you why this book is so important.
Offcourse that is all just my way of saying, "i like it" obviously right? The point being that the website above is really thourough, its a library dedicated to the book.
There are a lot of really rotten people in the world, and most of them will never read this book. Most of the really twisted people in the world will never read Catcher in the Rye as many times as us. That is just the way it is.
The whole damn history of America and and popular culture and all that is explained in this book. Holden is us, understanding that, we understand ourselves and our parents better. For that matter at this point, some of you, probably will understand your grandparents better. It has been a long time after all.
Things were never the same after this book. Holden and his generation infected the world so greatly that we are still trying to save ourselves from our "adult" selves. That offcourse and the fact that the world is still mostly a bunch of fake creeps, pretending to be something they are not.
i'm not gonna tellyou where to buy the book, just go get a copy somewhere.
- posted by Chad @ 10:40
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7.3.04
remember to invent that telephone thing. and learn how to sew.
- posted by Chad @ 00:39
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6.3.04
Centrality Rule Ledger:
Multiverse Ver 2
HOC 01:376:87-3
Magnets, may not be used for cross dimensional energy transference, without a signed treaty
from the lower threshold system or lowest threshold system of any construct. This does not apply
for entertainment purposes and you may find yourself entertained by this phenomenon.
- posted by Chad @ 01:22
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5.3.04
a guest blogged poem from my brother Tony:
Corporate vipers blood sucking death talkers
slave subscribers quick harsh serial stalkers
every button you push is watched on the big screen
and your lunch hour better not be an hour if you know what i mean
He is going to fire all of you once you set up the new machine.
reflections for the modern corporate worker...
from Tony
- posted by Chad @ 18:11
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There are boats under the water and people.
the people under the water can't see the stars
they confuse starlight with love, and don't see the beauty
because they only look for lust
They keep buying things, things they don't need.
their own words betrayed them fantastically!
So fantastic that the people under the water traded
their third eye for only a glimpse of them.
At the moment it seemed like a great trade, but having lost their true
sight they would lose much more in generations to come, one day they forgot who they were
and they drowned, but nobody realized it. The giant octopus blew a wind of sunshine
towards them and they came back to life. Their children now grew up in slavery
and they called this freedom, they imprisoned themselves and called it free thought.
The God didn't care because he expected this sort of thing. He was pained by it and his side
bleed. The blood was holy and came to be a river, which brought fish into the world of slower than
light particles. The fish became a symbol of man and evolved into other symbols of man, the symbols
of man himself were likeness of those past things, but now betrayed the man.
I think snakes were involved somehow.
Other people didn't care and that was OK.
- posted by Chad @ 17:06
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Reach and Frequency - A new cartoon for the radio industry
The telecommunications act of 1996 lifted restrictions on multiple station ownership and allowed the massive corporate consolidation of radio. This consolidation helped to speed up the homogenization of american popular culture and drastically reduced the number of individual voices on our airwaves. The current FCC agenda, which America "thinks" it is in favor of will cause further damage to the Radio Industry and to what was left of the local voice of the people.
Reach and Frequency, named after two buzz words that are drilled into any radio persons psyche, will attempt to bring humor and light to the situation.
REACH and FREQUENCY definition:
Reach (Cume)
The number of different or unduplicated households or persons that are exposed to a television program or commercial at least once during the average week for a reported time period. During the course of the schedule illustrated on the next page, seven different households were exposed to the commercial at least once. Since each home represents 10 % of the universe, this makes the reach or cume 70%.
Frequency
Average number of times a household or a person viewed a given television program, station or commercial during a specific time period. In our example, the Gross Rating Points achieved (150) is divided by the percent of homes reach (70) to determine the frequency of 2.1.
- posted by Chad @ 16:22
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Cool picture of SPACE
link originally from FactoVision www.facto.org
- posted by Chad @ 15:02
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You know, its usually not good to get emails with lots of cc's on them.
CC is practically code for burning someone's ass via email, the only thing worse is the bcc,
the blind carbon copy, it even sounds like an evil sci-fi torture procedure.
I suppose the bcc is even worse than the cc. But offcourse the BCC is a little more, "in your face"
The cc is also a great way to cover your on butt.
Try to make a habit of cc'ing everyone in your company, and if you don't mind bcc me on all your personal and work emails from now on. I'm just kinda curious of whay people that read this may be up to during the day. I promise not to steal too much from you.
titfos@hotmail.com, just add me in as a bcc on all your correspondence.
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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video game designer hall of fame
A really great site dedicated to those legends of videogame design.
Miyamoto-San, is present and accounted for.
I wish they would have mentioned a personal hero, one of the greatest Atari ST and Atari Jaguar programmers.
JEFF MINTER of Llamasoft
Llamasoft's Fluffy history
- posted by Chad @ 14:49
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4.3.04
lego space land 1979
we came in peace, perhaps.
Come in LL928, this is lego base alpha, we have you clear to land next to shuttle number LL924. Look for the red lights.
One of our associates in a red outfit with a walkie-talkie the size of a large dog will be with you shortly. I'm getting a picture in here of some guy fixing a satelite, with a giant wrench over.
Thats a roger Moonbase alpha, this is LL928, we have you on our screen as well, currently we are getting a plus sign on our display. Over.
roger that LL928, I have six lines of white text on my amber monitor, as well as a yellow, green, and red light, I think we are go for landing.
Copy that Moonbase alpha, you gotta buncha guys about to turn blue up here, we gotta get outta these suits.
Negative on that LL928, we are not presurized down here, we built the fxxxing base wide open to the vacuum of space, you will need to stay in your suits, unfortunately, also there are no toilets either, 10-4 for us to use your facilities when you land?
Bad news moonbase alpha, our outhouse was taken out to make room for a surface vehicle, thats all we got in the back.
Roger that LL928, I guess we will just keep going in our pants as usual. On the plus side, you'll never believe this guys but we pick up broadcast TV out here. I know it's crazy but it comes in just fine.
10-4 on that moonbase alpha
- posted by Chad @ 16:30
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NOVA bunny is so funny
PREASE REMEMBER:
With the sight for the portable telephone of NOVA, the NOVA rabbit �� it receives, the picture in the midst of the present!
Nova rabbit is representative of ENGLISH courses for students who may wish to study abroad. NOVA rabbit represent onlince course which can save the money. ALSO Nova rabbit is funny, and cute, so kawaii!!!
Dou itashimashite
- posted by Chad @ 11:16
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Starsky and Hutch
I can't wait to see this movie. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are definitely two of the funniest people out there.
There are some great wallpapers and a cool screensaver at this Out-of-site website.
Make sure to visit the flash version if you have a nice connection, such as you may have if you are "working" right now, or at "work" as they call it.
The PIMP name generator, the starsky and hutch pinball, make your own desktop, iron-ons, DYN-O-MITE!!!
- posted by Chad @ 10:36
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Why is it that we do not have stereo telephones with SACD or DVD-A sound quality?
-Please think about this and respond.
- posted by Chad @ 10:14
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A reader named Anonymous reccomended: Get a life
let's go:
Chris Elliots 35 episodes of the great 1990'ish show GET A LIFE are available on "VIDEO"
GET A LIFE on "VIDEO" from Rhino
a Great FAQ about "GET A LIFE, all 35 episodes
Chris Elliots "Get a Life" was a great show, featured some great writing from Bob Odenkirk on several episodes.
Get A Life creators Chris Elliott and Adam Resnick were both former
writers for Late Night With David Letterman, before leaving to
start the new series. David Mirkin formerly wrote and produced
for Newhart. Steve Pepoon was on the ALF writing staff.
The show is set in the town of Greenville.
Gus Borden's house is at 1804 York Lane.
Larry and Sharon live at 1343 Meadowbrook Lane.
Bob Elliott (best known from "Bob and Ray") is Chris' real father.
- posted by Chad @ 09:58
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3.3.04
Lola the incredible 18 week old wonder POM
Lola smoking a stogie. click this "hyper-link" to see the "picture"
- posted by Chad @ 14:11
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A true life BATMAN story:
It was Christmas time, Batman had been fighting crime all day. He smelled really bad, but there was
no time to stop and clean up at the Batcave, so him and Robin were chasing the Joker. It must have been something
Robin ate because Robin laid an egg right there in the middle of the chase, about this time the Batmobile lost a wheel, which allowed the joker to get away.
inspired by the shoolyard rhyme:
Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robing laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away
see more ryhmes at the The Sneeze dot com from the global schoolyard rhyme project
- posted by Chad @ 14:04
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VHS is a format, VIDEO is not a format
Two years ago Disney started marketing their Vista Vision VHS tapes as VIDEO instead of VHS. Since then almost every manufacturer has switched to calling their VHS formatted releases, VIDEO.
VHS is a format. Video is not. How familiar does this sound, "Now available on DVD and Video"?
VHS=Video Home System, the format is one of many format which use magnetic tape and helical scanning to store information. Some magnetic tape based formats such as Digi-Beta are even Digital, offering resolutions easily exceding both DVD and HDTV.
It's a similar problem to that of the Compact Disc, or the cassette tape. When is the last time you heard some one call a cassette tape by its proper name of COMPACT CASSETTE, do you remember the logo?:
What about Elcaset, the superior Japanese version of compact cassette, it offered double the tape speed, and was a full 1/4inch tape for each side. it was a massive flop. Check out the comparison.
Elcaset, Compact Cassette, and RCA's incredible high fidelity 1950's format known as Cartridge tapes
How about 8-Track? Incredible History of the 8 Track-Fidelapac, and then Mr. Lear Jet takes it to Ford and its a hit!, Wild, you gotta love faq's
When CD's came out, people started to incorrectly say that the album was dead, what they meant to say was that the LP or Long Play Record was dead.
A CD is in everyway as much of an album as a LP.
- posted by Chad @ 10:25
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2.3.04
Sharper Image dual clock radio GT-800 does not work, which sucks.
Did Sharper Image ever make good products, or is that just some random false memory I have from being a kid?
After Laura and I both had marveled at this dual alarm clock radio with CD and Subwoofer in the SkyMiles catalog we felt that we needed to treat ourselves to its dulcet tones and charms, and so I ordered the stupid thing.
It arrived via UPS this morning, and I ran home during lunch to hook it up, and I did, which was a waste of time crawling under and around the bed, because this stupid plastic chrome piece of crap radio doesn't work.
Please explain to me how you make a $150 clock radio that doesn't work. The $10 clock radios work, but NO, even though the stupid plastic 3 piece system is probably manufactured with about $130 of pure profit to play with , they can't make it work, pathetic.
I dislike Sharper Image, they have gone dull.
- posted by Chad @ 14:23
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several subjects i need to address:
fake brick fences in front of neighborhoods, the type that look like a sturdy brick fence but in reality are simply posts with a single run of brick in between them. Kids could literally go around kicking down brick fences, or at least I think I could have.
My local newscasters are such cut-ups, always jabbing at each other and ending the nightly news on a group laugh over a smart pun that one of them has served up.
Those darned spastic inflatable things that car dealers put up. The ones that are brightly colored and flail about attracting attention and my scorn.
- posted by Chad @ 09:23
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fake brick fences in front of neighborhoods.
index of how you are doing, instead of saying hey, or whats up, you would just respond to the other person with a numerical index, ex.
i say "88"
you reply "77"
this replaces the good morning whats up line with a more concise and meaningful exchange.
I have just said to you that I am 88/100 and you replied that you were 77/100, which serves to acknowledge each others presence and convey more information.
- posted by Chad @ 09:17
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1.3.04
What a great monday. I woke up in a puddle of blood, nose blood. I don't know if I've ever had a nosebleed, but I am sure that I have never had an absolute blood leak from my nose. It's particularly embarassing because, I have to take blood thinners, and because of that I tend to bleed a lot, from anything, rather it be shaving, or just spent pimple, and that offcourse leads to blood spots on the pillow. Maybe occasionally I will have a scrape on my leg, or arm, or a dog scratch, and if I rub it, BLAMO, blood on the pillow. I should probably just give in and buy Laura some red sheets for the bed.
The really sad part is that since I've had a few incidents I had been sleeping on an old pillowcase, but this weekend after cleaning the bedroom we put the nice clean new sheets, the Egyptian threaded 50000 threads per inch NICE sheets on the bed and I have to go pool them all up with blood. ARGH!
On top of that I think I probably swallowed about a gallon of blood last night, as I can feel it on my stomach, and I feel kinda lightheaded.
I ate brocoli for breakfast to try and absorb some VItiman K, which restores some of the natural cloting factors to your blood. Anyway I had my blood checked this morning, and from the fact that it was hard to get it to stop bleeding after taking blood, I kinda assume its going to come up a little thin.
This is not how I wanted to wake up to Monday morning.
If using IBM 5100 or other legacy machine; ascii 8-bit even parity, use caution with .05 (rnd) [C/m] REM: 1977
Steve Buscemi appeared to float above the cornfield and I could see that he was transferring himself from one position to another. Occasionally I think there were three of him.
- posted by Chad @ 11:51
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27.5.04
alt="the Fallout"
THE fallout
- posted by Chad @ 11:41
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26.5.04
ATARI 17
ATARI 17 gif - u click for gif
- posted by Chad @ 17:43
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AtariAge Forums - View topic - Is this something?
Is it possible that all of this is just a coincidence or did Atari know something about the number 17 that they hide from us for the sake of keeping it out of our hands.
Did you ever notice how hard it is to stay alive on most Atari games?
Atari
In the 36th issue of the French review Atari Magazine, at the page 17 of the detachable insert, 14 file names end with 17!
In a file A_LIRE of the software Le R�dacteur 4 for the Atari, an example of hour is given (on line 438): 17h 17' 18"; in fact, since on the Atari computers the number of seconds is always even, it can be 17h 17' 17" as well. In the database AZth�que, each form contains 17 fields of free definition, and each of the fields contains 17 subrubrics.
In the assembler Assemble on the Falcon, the k-factor used by the internal conversion into packed is 17 by default (cf French user manual, p 26). There are 17 kinds of optimization (cf French user manual, p 59).
In the French software Compte-Ch�que on the Atari, the date can be modifierearia per convencionals. Nosaltres, tal com ens vam proposar, hem sabut transformar la quotidianitat en una imparable seq��ncia de mots amb sentit. Nosaltres en marquem sempre la cad�ncia i no exigim al temps res. Hem apr�s a no tenir-ne por i aix�, jo crec que ens ha unit encara m�s.
Mentre ella restava recolzada en la barana, embadalida mirant el mar, he anat un moment a comprar el diari. L�he agafat de la pila. Sempre els posen en el mateix lloc, si �s que no plou.
L�Avui, pronuncio mec�nicament i estiro el bra� perqu� el palmell de la quiosquera aplegui l�euro amb vuitanta c�ntims. L�Ad�u, Bon dia, posterior tamb� em sembla que l�he repetit tants cops que no crec que les meves neurones hagin de fer cap esfor�.
Torno a ser al teu costat. Els teus ulls tamb� han devorat la mar. Nom�s espero que despr�s me�n regalis una mica. Ja saps que m�agrada compartir la nostra passi� per la mar per� passada per l�innocu sed�s de les teves ninetes. Ara si que vul
- posted by Chad @ 17:25
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Metafilter | Community Weblog
You can't do that on Television.
What is the plan?, Man.
- posted by Chad @ 16:02
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25.5.04
Tate Modern | Edward Hopper
Why do we make this happen? These days and things?
Where do I get inspiration for filling my SUV with gas and driving places at times meant for sleeep.
Where is the quiet logic that pulls my mind and soul from one direct-deposit to another.
Why do I no longer yearn to go skating on Friday nights. Why do I fail to roam the mall with $5.00 in my pocket. I have lost all interest in mastering Street Fighter y Pac-Man y Space Invaders y and I do not sit in the food court any longer.
Where did people lose their minds?,
was it something we ate from the Micro-Way-Ab-Lay food aisle?
I think that things stopped making sense when:
-Coca-Cola came out with new Coke and stopped making Coke
-All soft drinks replaced sugar with corn syrup
-the internet
-Coke Classic
-I stopped playing with Lego's
-AMC was no longer a car company
-Fox became a real network
-Cable penetration passed 50% of households
-MTV stopped playing videos
-Burger King became passe
-Wal-Marts showed up everywhere
back to work....
- posted by Chad @ 14:42
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Andy Warhol """"""""
When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships.
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
Once you 'got' Pop, you could never see a sign again the same way again. And once you thought Pop, you could never see America the same way again.
I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom.
I'm afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its meaning.
An artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them.
I'd asked around 10 or 15 people for suggestions. Finally one lady friend asked the right question, "Well, what do you love most?" That's how I started painting money
- posted by Chad @ 12:02
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O'Reilly Network: Inside the Homebrew Atari 2600 Scene [May. 20, 2004]
The Atari 2600 homebrew community is a thriving video game market all to itself. Forget the newest 12 cylinder home console and get back to the system that started it all. Bring us your 6-switcher, your basic woody, your Vader, your Telegames-6, or even your 2600 jr. and lets rock it like its 1982.
- posted by Chad @ 10:35
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24.5.04
At the sales meeting this morning we were talking about the phrase, "In like Flynn" and how it relates to "In like Flynt" which is correct.
I can see how they both could be
In like Flynn = You are in like Erol Flynn, Robin Hood of the silver Screen
In like Flint = You are right in the action, You are in like a piece of flint on an old rifle.
Which then brings up the phrase, "Crank Call" vs. "Prank Call", here also I can see how both can be correct
Crank Call = You have to crank the crank before making the call (obsolete)
Prank Call = You are playing a prank
Crank Call = You are playing the part of the "Crank" (crazy person)This is similar to "playing the fool"
NOTE:
*Playing the Fool = Acting crazy around black people of authority
- posted by Chad @ 14:19
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21.5.04
The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
Who is John Frum?
There has been intensive anthropological research into cargo cults, escapist cults, where the leaders promised their followers that a great bird would carry a world of goods if they followed certain rituals. These cults were in the late 1930's rather isolated.
It spread like wildfire when the villagers from a village in Malaita (Solomon Islands), who had fled to the woods, got back to their village to find out the colonial oppressors had left and a huge bird was standing near the village filled with all the goods of the world. It was an American transport plane, which mysteriously had been left by the crew, but the word spread. In Tanna the Americans built a huge town and then the war was over, so they left it to the villagers. It seems that one of the villagers asked an American who they were.
The answer, "John from America", which the villagers translated into John Frum. The phenomenon of cargo cults was observed from the Dutch East Indies to French Polynesia, and was alternatively called John Frum movement. A rather universal emblem was the Red Cross, as many goods were from Red Cross relief.
- posted by Chad @ 09:35
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The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
^On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day. 3 of those questions are about McDonalds.
^The tip of a 2cm long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph, this is known as the speed of time and it is a constant.
^There is about 2000 times more gold in the worlds oceans, than has been mined in Earth's entire history, but the gold in the ocean is more like saltwater than gold and is therefore useless.
- posted by Chad @ 09:19
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The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
This is a test of the Maury Povich system. Any and all Maury guests and show personel are invited to submit their stories in the feedback comments section. If this had been an actual episode it would not be a very good one. This is only a test.
- posted by Chad @ 09:15
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20.5.04
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button.
The core of the sun is a frozen sphere larger than the Earth.
- posted by Chad @ 17:14
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The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
oh happy day. I got a Gmail account. thanks blogger.
- posted by Chad @ 11:44
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The-Incredible-True-Facts-Of-Space
Incredible true facts #11358-11364
-the coke machine has no more diet coke
-the talking coke machines have left our world and no longer exist
-for best efficiency one should fill their car tires to 100 psi with hydrogen gas
-the best antifreeze is super unleaded gasoline
-if you really need to, you can cut your fingernails with scissors
-some paper clips are not as well made as they used to be
- posted by Chad @ 11:34
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19.5.04
Terra Nova
terra nova is where it's at on virtual worlds,
but that is not the reason for this post. It's just where I pushed the blog button.
--------------------------------
The blog is really about people driving without their shirts on. Why is it that people do this? I guess maybe they are hot, or maybe they think that they look hot, or maybe they don't have a shirt, or didn't think to put one on.
A trait of these peoples, perhaps a social custom is that when two men are in a car together, I think that it is a unspoken rule that only one of them can be shirtless.
I bet that if Terry came to pick up Larry and Larry came out without a shirt and tried to enter into the front seat of the neon green Ford Probe, that Terry would remind Larry that he needed to put a shirt on, saying
"you know, the only 1 Larry" and then Larry would probably grab a tank top or something. Terry might even have a spare in the glove box, being prepared for this situation.
It is weird but perhaps it is also incredible and true. Another Incredible True Fact of Space!!!!!!!!
- posted by Chad @ 10:01
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18.5.04
the FACTS
I hate it when people end a business email with something like, "please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions". The reason I dislike this is because it usually done purely for cover there butt purposes. I hate it, but I understand it. Some people will use any excuse for not doing what your email asked of them.
1.(the backfire)
The worst offenders are when someone blatantly ignores your questions and yet fires back with several of there own.
2.(cc/bcc scorched earth approach)
The worst offenders cc and bcc all manner of people over trivial matters. What could have been simple becomes lost in a hornets nest of inter-departmental madness. Answers are cryptic and often dictate the need for meetings and more obfuscation.
3.(scattershot)
This email is sent to many different people from someone higher up. It requests a laundry list of initiatives, reports, facts, quotes, and yet appoints no one in particular to be responsible. It is usually fired off by an upper level person during early AM hours. Also it is meant to come back and haunt you later.
4.(inter-office nutcase)
This is the guy that decides to email everyone in the company because he lost his spatula in the kitchen/breakroom, and he wants everyone to know how important the item was to him, and how if anyone could return the item how grateful he would be. Also, this person is usually kinda nuts.
- posted by Chad @ 10:22
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17.5.04
AGONIZER
The Tx-1 AGONIZER is meant to make you and your audience suffer with the worst possible sonic manipulations. It is entirely analog using components of a long ago discarded TV tube technology.
The best thing about this effects box is that text on the web site above. The people selling this thing have a fear of suburbia and a hatred of all things metallica. It also seems like they don't like Commodore64 for whatever that is worth.
They are proud of themselves and of this device, but seriously they don't think you are worthy of buying one. Hey it got my attention.
There is not a lot of love on the linked site, but there is a lot of yellow.
- posted by Chad @ 12:38
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The little dog had a big adventure this weekend. Little 6 pound Lola went to White Rock Lake where they have an open running area for dogs. The small dogs are kept safe from the large dogs and the park has a 3 section gate to keep the dogs from escaping.
Lola having just been bathed an hour before ran like the wind straight to a mud pit, where she applied mud boots to her paws. She seemed to be a little confused at what to do with all these different dogs running around. Some larger dogs chased her and she demonstrated her rabbit getting away from tiger strategies very effectively.
We walked down a long wild trail to an cliff area where dogs were free diving into the fresh water to chase sticks and imaginary ducks. It was a good adventure and a nice Sunday drive into the old wealth district of Dallas.
Saturday we went to our first horse races at Lone Star Park. Tony from work has access to a owners suite and it was a ton of fun. All manner of free food and beverages and a perfect view of the racing as well as first class service and treatment all the way around. We took a tour of the paddock area and watched the parade of horses.
Also because of Laura's pick the name she likes strategy we won about $32. It was a fun day and great new experience.
- posted by Chad @ 09:26
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14.5.04
Another day and thankfully no nightmare:
No waking up screaming at Satan, but the dEVIL dOG is back! Lola has been really bad lately and we don't know why. After totally showing off at my parents house and on the plane she has made a 180 degree turn in the last few days and pooped on the rug, peed on the floor, toor up the house plants, stolen Beanie Babies, and kept us up all hours of the early morning.
I don't know what has gotten into her. Maybe all the excitement of travel has left her wonderstruck with a jones for traveling. Perhaps our normal suburban life is too boring for the now Jet-Set Lola. Whatever it is she is making the most of it.
- posted by Chad @ 10:17
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13.5.04
pity this busy monster,manunkind,
not. Progress is a comfortable disease:
your victum(death and life safely beyond)
plays with the bigness of his littleness
-electrons deify one razorblade
into a mountainrange;lenses extend
unwish through curving wherewhen until unwish
returns on its unself.
A world of made
is not a world of born-pity poor flesh
and trees,poor stars and stones,but never this
fine specimen of hypermagical
ultraomnipotence. We doctors know
a hopeless case if-listen:there's a hell
of a good universe next door;let's go
- e. e. cummings
- posted by Chad @ 12:04
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Satan was in my light Bulb
You know that you are having a bad dream when Satan has taken it on himself to possess your light bulbs. I came into my room and tried to turn on the lights. The light on the fan did not work, the light on the bed did not work, the lamp on the table did not work.
Then I tried to change bulbs and I noticed a vibration coming from the bulb itself. The vibrations sounded like a voice and I could see the filament glowing very lightly and the tinny sound of etheral radio like emissions from the vibrations of the glass bulb. The voice of Satan was coming from my 60 watt light bulb. Satan said, "proud aren't you"? I was not proud. I was scared white.
For some reason this lead to Laura's sister cooking us breakfast in the middle of the night. The pancakes were very good and we were talking about the strange behavior of light bulbs and how I must have been dreaming. Suddenly we heard something vibrating in the pantry. Satan had taken control of the recipe cards and was using them to transmit a message. I ran to the pantry door, opened it and yelled, "Satan Out"! Cut to real life and Laura waking me up telling me it was OK. We both agree that this means that I need to eat more bananna's.
- posted by Chad @ 10:05
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6.5.04
Flash: Super Happy Fun Land ~ Phone Phun
phone burns, bizarre most bizarre and stranger still.
- posted by Chad @ 10:13
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5.5.04
Hey Hey 16k - Anim by Rob Manuel - Song by MJ Hibbett
A flash / folk piece celebrating the ol 16k rubber keyed computers of our past. Great song, brilliant graphics all around.
I remember the days of getting a new compute magazine and staying up late in my dads office slash our computer room and typing in page after page of code, possible to create an animated flag or a lunar lander type game.
Then typing run and getting error after error, finally when it was all sorted out, I would use my Atari 410 cassette program recorder and type CLOAD into the Atari 800 whilst pressing the play and record key on the cassette data recorder.
Really nice song on this clip. I love the part about crossing your fingers not to get a tape record error. I used to hate being halfway through booting up PREPPIE and then having to start over because of a boot error.
PREPPIE was a nice looking Frogger clone available on cassette for the Atari 800.
- posted by Chad @ 15:19
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ex-patriots for the sake of freedom
rich men in second hand coats
wearing confederate hats and sprouting poetry on street corners in Paris
drunk in underground dilaudid jazz clubs in downtown Montgomery
they do not sell the internet at the thrift store
freedom is books and weapons of poetic function,
do not talk to me about social security
The beauty of words can hold you
without exploition.
We dare defend.
- posted by Chad @ 11:33
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City Pages: Talk Dirty to Me: "The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.
"
Just horrible.
- posted by Chad @ 09:43
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4.5.04
Page 1
The link will take you to PAGE 1 of an incredible website. The web site is a collection of pictures and descriptions of the trailer living folk of Missouri. This makes for some great web browsing. Enjoy.
- posted by Chad @ 17:06
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Lola didn't do so well on night number 2 of our experiment. We wanted to see if little dog could sleep in our bedroom without keeping, Laura, me and the Bali Cat from sleeping.
Well she lasted about 2 minutes before she started to see imaginary bogeymen and barked her, pay attention to me bark over and over seperated by long 4 second pauses, just long enough for the reverberation to die down in our echoic memory.
So back to the laundry room for the Lola dog, I think she needs the quiet isolation to help her get into sleep mode.
I went to lunch with Jeffie and Kraig today, Rosa's Taco Cafe, it is Taco Tuesday and we each ate 3 tacos for $2.99, it was a good deal, but I missed the great Laurini.
- posted by Chad @ 15:11
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3.5.04
Sweet little Lola dog slept in our bedroom last night for the first time ever. She was quiet and comfortably happy laying in her round sheep fleece bed. The night was an experiment to see if she could sleep in our room and not run willy nilly.
The experiment was a quiet success with only one incident of cat chasing occurring around 3:45am. The dog awoke and gave chase to our sleepy and tired Bali cat who was attempting to go to the bathroom. Then Lola decided that she needed to go out and take a tinkle as well. Normally she makes it through the night without a toilet break.
We will see if this was only a fluke tonight, when the experiment enters phase 2.
Laura and I also enjoyed a horrible TV movie called 10.5 on NBC. We live for these horrible TV of the week movies and we were not let down by NBC's latest train wreck. I am very thankful that Laura shares my passion for truly horrible television.
The movie was obviously written by retarded monkeys banging away on Shakespearian typewriters. One of my favorite parts was when a TV news helicopter was reporting on the crumbling San Francisco Bay Golden Gate bridge and he reported, "it's incredible, like some miracle the bridge it's folding up and crumbling into the bay".
and later, Mr. President the only thing that can generate that kind of heat is a nuclear bomb!
It's a real doozy! Enjoy.
- posted by Chad @ 11:28
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Picard Song
captain jean luc picard of the USS Enterprise
best song ever
- posted by Chad @ 08:40
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2.5.04
Suoi Tien theme park, Saigon-HCMC/ Vietnam
This looks like a really fun theme park. The dragons are great.
Check it out. They sell furniture also.
My favorite activity would be this listed below:
Mid air cycling over crocodile farm with more than 1,500 crocodiles of all sizes which cause fearful feeling for tourist.
- posted by Chad @ 12:58
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Lola with her little legs folded in. She likes to sit like this on the cool tile floor. Her back legs as always are kicked straight back allowing for maximum cooling effect.
- posted by Chad @ 16:59
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29.6.04
we were looking for the time, where can we find
the time of our lives. where is the time and
what is it?
sitting in the van and feeling like a trapped
dog. wanting out, outside to play in the
constant now.
being so completely right here and then
realizing that we are over there, and oh yeah,
that is not us, that is only the landscaped area
down by the road.
Knowing about the bushes down by the road was
instrumental in helping us finish our smoke
break, it left me feeling a new attachment to
the shape of all those things that I could
become, and because I had been them at one time,
I will always feel closer to them.
In the hallway with the anastasia sweeping
device I felt like I was floating. Gliding over
the new carpet and kicking the popcorn into its
body with its rotating hair-like projectiles,
the anastasia sweeping device was like a strange
compass, its movements rotationally working with
that of the hallways'.
Overhead where the projection booth was known
to exist one could hear the inertia and energy
of aircraft-carrier sized foreign objects
disrupting the normal vibrations and traveling
overhead like the sea passing by the side of an
ocean liner, like you or I, watching the sea
passing an ocean liner. With full knowledge of
the projection booth still the illusion was
allowed to co-exist and we acknowledged the
acceptability of this co-existence as natural as
the hum of the 17 commercial sized air-
conditioners pumping cool air into the building.
The push powered mobile carpet cleaners where
manufactured by a company called HOKY, and I had
named all of them with click able label tape.
There was Anastasia, cleopeadra, and others that
I have long since forgotten.
Their aluminum poled handles were sometimes
filled into with bubble-gum freeze spray which
had unique properties all of its own. You would
often see the ushers pushing these frozen and
frosty handled carpet cleaners and sometimes it
even looked like they were placing their mouths
on the open end of the handles, off course
management already knew the ushers were all kind
of wack.
We lived in the back hall, the bright light of
the Jupiter-sky marble floored lobby being much
too bright and open for any safe ushering.
Sweeping the halls or run cleaning through the
emptied theatres took up most of the time, also
dumpster visits, smoke breaks on the roof
accessed through the projection booth, or just
wandering through the theares, checking focus
and air temp filled the rest of the days. One
thing that was normally done was during the down
times we would crash in a random theatre and
rest, gathering our thoughts and trying to find
some since of composure.
I looked over at Tim and he looked like he was
running on nitrous, eyes huge poring sweat, what
the hell had we done? Things really started to
come apart at the seems later that night. Johnny
the rent a cop who provided security on busy
nights was acting weird and this must have
helped set us off. Tim told me that it was
essential that we hide immediately. We went
individually to the largest auditorium and did
the disappearing act. The disappearing act was a
incredible thing. The way it was performed was
by standing next to the air conditioner controls
and checking the temp. Once you had stood there
for a while you would ease back into the
curtains, just behind the audiences field of
few, and once your motion had subsided and you
started to become invisible, you would slip
behind the curtain and make your way behind the
screen.
Behind the screen was a scaffolding holding up
some massive speakers and sound equipment. Most
people don't realize it but the screens are
perforated to allow sound to pass through them.
The giant center channel speakers are directly
behind the middle of the screen. One at a time
we had safely disappeared behind the screen and
there we were. After what seemed like 4 hours of
doing absolutely nothing, we left out the exit
door. About five minutes had passed since we
came up with the plan to hide, and we know knew
that the vacuum of empty space and time behind
the screen would not suit us presently.
The only place that made any sense at all was on
the roof. Luckily because of the magic power of
radio, clear sky's and Camel Cigarettes we were
able to contain the basic qualities of our sound
minds. The roof was equal in area to about 17
basketball court sized football fields, or 26
tennis court sized soccer fields whatever is
less all other things being equal and
quantifying the space taken by the air units.
On the roof sat a variety of cheap stolen
aluminum lawn furniture donated by the apartment
complex residents adjacent to the theatre. We
had an am/fm radio and a classic rock station,
some coca-cola and some nice clear sky, all the
better to watch the moonlight light cloud cover
drift over and above us, high on the winds of
angels in a small city on the planet Earth. We
figured that at worst Mr.. Walton would think we
had left work, and at best nobody would notice
at all.
Apparently they did notice about 15 minutes
after we had disappeared. Not that it mattered,
me and Tim were already gone.
- posted by Chad @ 23:42
|
I have this creep Eddie Haskell over my shoulder feeling lately, maybe it's just the coming surgery talking but I don't like it regardless. I had a dream that I was fighting with my brother over some chicken wings. He decided that he only liked to ones that looked like little chicken legs and so, he took all of mine and through his wings, the ones that look like chicken paper clips onto my plate. To get him back, I grabbed a chicken wing and wiped it's barbeque grease on his dress shirt.
Then we were in a mall and all sorts of people I haven't even heard of in a long time were hanging around. Mostly older friends of my brothers, some guy in a monkey suit, Jerry Davis, Darrel Saterfield, Chuck Dart, most of them hanging out in the mid 1980's version of the Bel-Air mall. Kids were smoking by the fountain, The Hobby Store was open, next to it was Bottoms-Up the hip place to get your jeans, Then there was the Sporting Goods Store and it's display of tents and camping gear, next to that was Alladins Castle, which had giant red arches lit from behind and a dark mysterious interior, ouot front of the castle was one of those gold metallic fake castles with telephones all around it, you could put in a quarter and listen to funny stories and jokes. Another machine had cartoons and would play an 8 minute cartoon for you for a quarter. I remember the miniMall up by D.H. Holmes department store, inside their was a candy barn and a head shop. The head shop was a cool mysterious store to go in, a scary biker looking guy behind the counter and lots of "rock" clothing, THen the Candy Barn a great full featured candy store that even had fresh popcorn and fresh roasted nuts and slurpee machines, a real cool place.
The record store actually had people who loved music working there, Can you imagine that a record store with soul? I remember the mall being such a rich tapestry, a fantastic place to visit, instead of being cookie cutter do good perfect it was a place where you could experience a little of everything.
Sear had even had a nice record selection upstairs by the HiFi systems, They had a great videogame display where you could play the newest Atari, ColecoVision, and other videogames. I remember they also had a great snack bar, with a little cafe where you could get food and hang out if you wanted.
There were dark mysterious restauratns like the Picadilly which had a long twisting hall way of CAtholic statues and religous displays, The WoolWorths had a great soda fountain and a full service restaurant, filled with Salesman from Sears, or JC PEnny or the cool electronics store.
I remember the crazy old man running the music store, and by music store I mean a whole store selling guitars, drum sets, horns, and all manner of musical equipment, for some reason he never wanted anyone dilly dallying around and would usually run us off.
There were the organ stores, that had salesman dressed in brown polyester with yellow shirts playing their organs and demonstrating the family fun that a full featured ORGAN could bring into your home.
Man, I wish I could go back in time and just spend a day walking around the mall I remember from the early 1980's. That would be most excellent.
- posted by Chad @ 10:55
|
25.6.04
Conversation with friend at work:
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
it dynamically redraws instelf as if to avoid the "jaggies"
goodrootz says:
cool
goodrootz says:
I'll have to check that out
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
you will. you really will "have" too just like your precious hero Beretta will have have have to do some hard time for blowing his wifes head off.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Did you hear about the confession from the Parrot?
goodrootz says:
no
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
He was all like, "awk, awk, he shot her in thehead, awk awk".
goodrootz says:
that is so like Beretta....its always something
.................
goodrootz says:
just go stand by his door till he talks to you
goodrootz says:
and start calling him Buster when you talk to him.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
THat would be really funny
goodrootz says:
yes it would
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Why the F is everyone calling me buster
goodrootz says:
lol
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Jebus! my clock just self announced.
goodrootz says:
yeah on the 1/4 hour
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
you got anything on that end, that's all i got.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
i just like thinking about making that sweet sweet milk man money and i'm not talking about being just a regular joe, no sir, I'm talking about taking care o' my baby kinda money, thats what i be needing.
goodrootz says:
what is that from?
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
too many things to mention? everywhere.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
The finish coming next is Jack Handy.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
And thats what I like about it, just sitting here wantin' that money.
goodrootz says:
nice
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
my grandma used to have this poster of a monkey sitting on a fence post.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
It said, "sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits"
goodrootz says:
I've seen that one
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
she would say to me, "Chad, that monkey says, "sometimes I sits and Thinks and sometimes I just sits and thinks ha ha ha (kinda a giggle here)
goodrootz says:
hehe
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
I used to stare at it looking for some deeper message.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
I thought it was really smart in a deep way.
goodrootz says:
hmmm
goodrootz says:
nope...i don't think so
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Chad have you seen that old monkey hanging on uncle Phil's wall?
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
He says, Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits." you like that crazy monkey don't you.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
I would nervously laugh and say that I did.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
but the truth is that while i thought it was funny it was kinda sinister also, like some forbidden "eve" kinda psychological knowledge.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
I used to stare at it and think that perhaps that the joke was on me.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Like i didn't really get it all at the time, but the underlying feeling was there.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
Words, our own words clearly mock us.
super-dimensional fortress>>> says:
The perception of words and bi-cameral thought processes (needed for symbol minded cultures) is like a cruel joke.
- posted by Chad @ 16:40
|
This is incredible:
The center of the sun is a solid core of ice. Amazing new discovery revealed to me in a very unbelievable dream. During the dream I was reminded that there is ice in the center of everything, and then as if to prove this the man with the trick top-hat pointed to the sun and said one word, "solid". Directly thereafter I was privy to a power-point presentation that detailed our yellow sun's various layers. The entire audience applauded when it was revealed that directly below the unknown "blue" layer existed a core of solid ice larger than Jupiter. Speculation then turned to the blue layer and this is where I got bored and left before awakening.
- posted by Chad @ 09:37
|
21.6.04
Incredible true fashion tip #2
What is this years hip fragrance?
It's OFF by Johnson Wax, a family company.
OFF in the traditonal orange, white, and blue metal can has a fun smell that practically fumes with outdoor fun. Today's fashion-forward elite are bugging out with a fresh insect repelling smell from the wayback machine. Johnson Wax hopes to add fuel to the fire with its new line of youth marketed HomeScents. In addition to the furor over OFF, Lemon Pledge is hopeful to attract its own audience, possibly stealing the lemon summer thunder from CKcitrus.
The cool crowd used to huff ScotchGuard, now they are wearing it. If you are looking for this years booty-call scent du'jour, look no further than the cleaning aisle. It's on the shelf and off the hook for smelling fresh.
- posted by Chad @ 09:59
|
I wish I had one of those old Motorola's:
Todays youth are cutting their teeth on ancient technology. Opting into cool analog cell phones from the early 90's. Some of the hippest mofo's are using the Flip style Motorola's with their red and orange L.E.D. displays. "Hey its a phone man, thats it", says Jude a sophmore at Texas Christian. These antique phones do little more than make and take calls often offering their users little more than 6 ring styles, all of which sound nothing like a catchy snippet of todays popular culture. Their is no blue tooth and you may find yourself physically rising the antenae to improve your reception. The damn things don't even roam automatically. Battery life tops out at about 25 minutes of talk time, and you will probably not be able to receive service in many metro areas.
One solution is having your modern phone gutted and stuffing its bloody innards into one of yesterdays clutch designs. This is called phone-smashing and it is incredibly trendy.
- posted by Chad @ 09:54
|
20.6.04
washing laundry
Sunday laundry washing
colors segregated and piled
add some soap to break the surface tension
hit some buttons
take out of washer put in dryer
push some buttons
fold it all up
insert order into storage schemes
Watching movie
type movie name into machine
enter numbers and buy the ticket
drive to theatre
buy some popcorn and some coke
find a seat
watch and eat
Shopping
drive to store
wander around collecting things
pay for things
bring home
find places to put things
- posted by Chad @ 12:48
|
washing laundry
Sunday laundry washing
colors segregated and piled
add some soap to break the surface tension
hit some buttons
take out of washer put in dryer
push some buttons
fold it all up
insert order into storage schemes
Watching movie
type movie name into machine
enter numbers and buy the ticket
drive to theatre
buy some popcorn and some coke
find a seat
watch and eat
Shopping
drive to store
wander around collecting things
pay for things
bring home
find places to put things
- posted by Chad @ 12:48
|
18.6.04
more TITFOS:
^Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day.
-Less than one pound of which is dandruff
^Every year the sun loses 360 million tons.
^If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.
- posted by Chad @ 13:55
|
This should be the incredible true facts of space, not the incredible true facts of another open heart surgery. This will make the third in the last two and 1/2 years, How many times can one do this sort of thing?
Here are the things I don't like about it:
0. Having your wife and family worried sick about you and being totally dependent on the kindness of others is not fun.
1. It hurts
2. I can no longer even remotely enjoy watching ER
3. being weak and debilitated is a humbling experience once, but after a few times it just sucks.
4. Catheters
5. Never confuse hospitals with hotels, hotels even the bad ones are better
6. tubes, lots of tubes
7. sleeping on your back for months
8. it keeps happening.
- posted by Chad @ 09:07
|
16.6.04
Its a zebra and not a horse.
The new web site is up today. SwissHearing.com is a site that I hope will help me sell hearing aid batteries. Related to 357batteries.com
What do you think?
SwissHearing.com
357Batteries.com
More will come
- posted by Chad @ 14:35
|
13.6.04
I was wandering around wal-mart looking at all the things to buy and I found a portable AM/FM radio that was really great, it must have transistors in it. It fits on your belt and also picks up TV and weather, and they said TV would kill radio.
Also of note PhotoShop Elements 2.0 is $58 there. If there are things you can't do with Elements then they are probably not something I need to do.
Also need Walkie Talkies and some little mp3 player.
- posted by Chad @ 18:55
|
10.6.04
DFW Blogs ? Dallas/Fort Worth area weblogs
One fact about the movie JAWS:
The shark in the movie JAWS was not a real shark. The studio and director constructed an animated robot shark that was used during all filming. Initially I was calmed by this knowlege, now I know the truth.
The mechanical shark escaped during the final hours of filming, and has roamed America's waterways since the late 1970's. The shark is dependent upon crude diesel fuel for its motors and actuators.
It is believed that tens of thousands of mysteriously missing motorboats and small watercraft have been consumed by the shark over the years.
Reports during the early 1980's by eyewitness individuals suggest that the shark has found a way to make changes and updates to itself. It was during this period of sightings that researchers grew concerned about the ability of the shark to mutate and transform its robotic systems to more of cyborg cross of mechanical and biological components.
The reports were written off as quackery until 1989 when amatuer home video confirmed that the mechanical beast had managed to successfully replicate itself into a school of deadly bio-mechanical death machines. It is estimated by TITFOS and others that more than 25% of the shark species in North America have some if not all of the traits indicating that their DNA has been forcefully corrupted and forever altered by encounter with the quickly mutating and ever growing schools of bio-mechanical cyborg sharks. The manner in which this seems to occur can only be described as the cyborg rape of a natural species by robotic sharks who have achieved the ability to mate with natural populations of indigent sharks.
Perhaps with time we will come to accept these monsters of the deep. For now it serves as a caustic and bitter lesson to man. I hope we never forget the lesson of JAWS. If you find yourself or your family under attack from robotic shark or the offspring of robotic sharks you should attempt to insert a explosive device into the beasts gullet. The gullet of all sharks be they mechanical or flesh is a delicate area which can be considered a heel de'achilles and your only hope of escaping.
In any case avoid the blood of the shark at all costs.
If you would like to learn more about the cyborg death sharks of North America you should check with your local library.
- posted by Chad @ 09:58
|
Well...huhhh huhh huh...here they...could you repeat the question?...huhhh huhh
oh yeah...here they are!
"Whoa. Is this like the weather channel?"
"Yeah, eh heh heh, the forecast is partially cool."
Beavis & Butthead
"This is Joey Buttafuoco's theme song."
Beavis & Butthead (about Winger's "She's only 17")
"These guys are cool - for a bunch of mimes."
Beavis & Butthead (about Kiss)
"Drums, guitar and Death. They finally got it right."
Beavis & Butthead
"Bootsie!"
"Yeah, Bootsie's cool. Huh, huhhuhuh."
"Bootsie! He's from outer space. Heh, henh, henh, henh."
Beavis & Butthead
"Tattoos are cool."
"Yeah, I wish I was born with one."
"You're not born with tattoos, dumbass. You get them when you join the navy."
Beavis & Butthead
"Is this satanic music?"
"Naw. It's not cool enough."
Beavis & Butthead (about "Devil Inside" by INXS)
"I like to blow up lizards."
"Eh heh heh, yeah. And I like to burn things."
Beavis & Butthead
"Skulls are cool" - Butthead
"The future sucks. Change it."
"I'm way cool Beavis, but I cannot change the future."
Beavis & Butthead
"Beavis, I thought you were daddie's little cutie."
"Shut up Bunghole!"
Beavis & Butthead (while watching Aerosmith's Ragdoll)
"That's not funny, dumbass!"
Beavis & Butthead
"These guys are pretty cool - even though they're sixty."
Beavis & Butthead (about Aerosmith)
"I don't like video's that suck"
Beavis & Butthead
"I'm there dude."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey Beavis. Guess where his hand's been."
Beavis & Butthead (about Germaine Jackson's video)
"You're a man? Eh heh heh, I don't think so."
"He's not even a boy."
Beavis & Butthead (about Boy George video)
"Calm down Beavis. You're gonna soil your drawers."
Beavis & Butthead
"Where's the explosion?"
"They never show the good stuff."
Beavis & Butthead
"Whoa! It's the President of England!"
"Yeah, she jams!"
Beavis & Butthead (About Queen Elizabeth II)
"Whoa! We're there dude."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey Beavis, let's pretend we're dead."
"Yeah, eh heh heh, that would be cool."
Beavis & Butthead
"Look, I'm strokin' my weiner."
Beavis & Butthead
"These chicks look like guys."
"Yeah. That one's not wearin' a bra."
Beavis & Butthead (about Nelson)
"Hey Butthead, do you think I'm beautiful?"
Beavis & Butthead
"If you're not a cartoon,
Stove gass will kill you."
Beavis & Butthead (Disclaimer)
"College music sucks!"
"Yeah. I guess it's only cool, if you, like, go to college."
Beavis & Butthead
"Everything I know, I learned from my Dad."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Really? You both have the same dad?"
"We don't know. It's possible."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey Beavis, let's rock!"
Beavis & Butthead
"I wish this video had some explosions."
"That would be cool."
Beavis & Butthead
"I wish this video had some explosions. That would be cool."
"Heh heh henh hmm heh. It does have some explosions. Heh henh hmm."
"Faries grant wishes. Huh huh heh huh hunh."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey Beavis."
"What?"
"Your butt's weird lookin'."
"Shut up!"
"Heh huh, kinda looks liek baloney."
"Shut up!"
Beavis & Butthead
"He's smiling at you, Beavis."
"Shut up, Butthead!"
Beavis & Butthead (about George Michael in Wham video)
"I hate words."
"Words suck."
"If I wanted to read, I'd go to school."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hammers are cool."
"Yeah, I like to take hammers, and just break stuff, just break stuff."
Beavis & Butthead
"She beat her carpet."
"Yeah, we should do that."
"Yeah. It looks cool."
Beavis & Butthead
"He's got a hair stiffie!"
Beavis & Butthead
"I peed in the gym once."
"Really? Yer pretty cool Beavis."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey Butthead, what is teenspirit?"
"You mean you don't know. Dude, then I'm not gonna tell you."
Beavis & Butthead
"This chainsaw is pretty cool. Pruning is cool."
Beavis & Butthead
"It's that dude! The Grim Rapper!"
Beavis & Butthead
"Rock! Rock dude!"
Beavis & Butthead
"If you play this stuff backwards, it says 'This sucks!'"
Beavis & Butthead
"His teeth are whiter than white."
Beavis & Butthead (about the lead singer for Winger)
"This is like a James Bond movie."
"Yeah. They need that short guy, HandJob."
"Heh heh heh, you said 'Job'."
Beavis & Butthead
"Is this like an Irish Spring Commercial?"
"A might bit stronger than I care to be!"
Beavis & Butthead
"Ah, such a manly soap!"
"Ah, manly yes! But Beavis likes it too! Heh heh heh eh he heh heh heh!"
"Shut up Bunghole! I'll kick yer ass!"
"Heh heh heh eh eh eh heh heh heh"
"Shut up, dumb ass!"
Beavis & Butthead
"You callin' me a liar?"
"No ass-munch, I'm callin' you a waste of bum wipe."
Beavis & Butthead
"Hey, we could get Butthead to sit on a glass and fart."
"What's so scientific about that?"
"Nothin'. Until you light it."
Beavis & Butthead
"The angle of the dangle is adversely proportional to the heat of the beat."
"Whoaaa! You're pretty smart, Beavis."
Beavis & Butthead
"You asswipe! I was about to have a wet dream!"
Beavis & Butthead
"Uhh, I have an injury."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I have this great big crack in my butt."
Beavis & Butthead
"He complains too much."
"You'd complain too if you sucked!"
Beavis & Butthead
"Today we're going to explore the world of hiku."
"We're going to explore the world of getting high? Cool!"
"No, beavis, not *high* *cool*, hiku--the haunting japanese form of 3
line poetry."
Beavis & Butthead
"That was cool, huh huh
when we killed that frog, huh huh
it won't croak again."
Butthead's Hiku for class
"Huh huh, huh huh huh
huh huh mmm, uh huh huh huh
huh huh, huh huh huh.
Beavis' Hiku for class
"Very good! You both get A's for the day."
Beavis and Butthead:
"Anything?"
"Nope."
"Are you sure you're lickin' right? uhuhuh."
"Uhuhuh, yeah."
"I don't get, it supposed to give you a buzz."
"Ptui! Hmmmmm, tastes like chicken. Here toadie, toadie."
Beavis & Butthead
"Are you the boys that spray-painted my dog?"
"Uh, no, that was some other guys, huh huh."
Beavis & Butthead
"Are your shakes real or are they made from shake mix?"
"Yeah, heh heh hmmh heh heh"
"I asked you a question, are they real or shake mix?"
"Yeah, heh heh hmmh heh heh"
"Look, where's your manager?"
"Uh, huh huh, I'm an assistant manager."
"I asked a simple quesiton, are your shakes real or made from shake mix?"
"Uh, we have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry."
Beavis & Butthead
"Uh... it's like free, I guess."
"Heh heh, He's gonna eat a fried mouse."
"And bugs."
"And he's coming back later!"
"I know where there's a dead racoon!"
Beavis & Butthead
"I hate when mimes get in your face and don't say anything."
"Yeah, I usually kick them in the 'nads and they say something.
Usually it's ooh...unh...aahh."
Beavis & Butthead
"Try the morphine, it's excellent today."
Beavis & Butthead
"Okay boys, what do you have under your clothes?"
"Wouldn't you like to know."
Beavis & Butthead
"Is he talking about humping a hound? Huh huhuhuh huh."
"Heheh henh henh hmm heh. Yeah, that'd be cool. Heh heh hmm henh."
"It would?"
Beavis & Butthead
Background: (flush of a toilet)
"Butthead! Butthead! Come quick! Bare ass on TV!!"
Beavis & Butthead
"Trunks are cool. I wish I had a trunk."
"Yeah. You could, like, fill a balloon with snot and throw it at someone."
"Yeah, and it would get in their hair and get all sticky and they couldn't
get it out."
"Let's go buy some balloons, dude."
Beavis & Butthead
"I wonder how Axl Rose would feel if he got his ass kicked by a couple
of 14 year olds."
"Yeah, that would really suck. Getting your asses kicked by Kris Kross. Heh
Hehheh, henh hmm, heh, heh."
Beavis & Butthead
"ruhruhruhruhrurhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruh!!!!!!"
"Rurhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhruhrurh!!!!!!"
Beavis & Butthead (Butthead trying to sing Ministry's "NWO")
"Hey look, he's wearin' a drive-thru headset! Maybe he works at BurgerWorld!"
"(picks up phone) Uhh, hello? I'll take a quarter pounder and a dozen chicks
in tight shorts to go, please."
"Heh hehehehhehehheheheh heheheh."
"(simultaneously) huh huh huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh huhuh."
Beavis & Butthead
"Mr. Buzzcut! Mr. Buzzcut!"
"Yes, Butthead?"
"I can't do this assignment. I'm dietetic."
Beavis & Butthead
"We don't know how to take care of a baby."
"Let's give it a bath."
"I'm gonna slap you around like a red-headed step child."
"Uh oh..."
"You drowned it."
"We'll never get to see it grow up."
Beavis & Butthead
"And so it is with utmost regret that I must report that our baby
was stolen by gypsies in the night."
"Yeah, sorry about that. Heh heh."
Beavis & Butthead
- posted by Chad @ 01:06
|
Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."
- posted by Chad @ 00:42
|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following section is reprinted from the 'SchoolStoppers Textbook' -a
small section of the 'How to Revolt Handbook' -the fourth book of.... 'The
Blacklisted News' -available for 13 bucks from the Youth International Party
(Yippies). OK here we go - 81 ways to trash your school.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Liberate your life - smash your school! The public schools are slowly
killing every kid in them stifling their creativity and individuality making
them into non-persons. If you are a victim of this one of the things you can
do is fight back.
This chapter is not written for people who are not yet sure whether school is
good or bad. It is written for students that realize the way that compulsory
education and grades destroy the natural curiosity so many children feel - who
realize how the tracking system keeps the poor people and minorities in our
society on the bottom while keeping te rich and powerful on the top - who
realize the danger of teaching complete obedience to authority and who are fed
up with the racism and sexism in schools. It is written for students who have
'gone through channels' trying to correct these problems and who are tired of
helplessly waiting while the schools destroy more and more minds each day. It
is written for young people who realize that because they are trapped in school
they don't have a chance to learn what they need to know to create a free and
good life.
Before trying any of the ideas in here you should think about the effect they
will have in view of the situation in your particular area. Not all of them
will be effective at all times in all areas. If you think of other ideas
please send them to us so we can print them in future editions.(YIP address is
same as Overthrow mag. in general section -sysop II)
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
& WHAT YOU CAN DO &
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
1.Get a syringe [minus needle] or similar device. Mix both tubes of epoxy
glue with a little rubbing alcohol. You now have about half an hour to fill
locks -door jams -etc. before glue hardens. If you can't get the epoxy glue
and syringe a tube of airplane cement can also be used although it is not as
permanent.
2.An alternative use for the syringe is to pretend to shoot up while a
teacher is watching. If they speak to you tell them you have to do it because
school is so horrible.
3.Call the school and leave the phone off the hook. The way some [but not
all] phone systems work this will tie up their phone for as long as yours is
off the hook.
4.Protest U.S. aid to reactionary regimes abroad by defoliating plants
around the school or by digging a bomb crater on the front lawn. When the
ecology freaks complain ask them where they were when the U.S. was doing the
same thing to indochina.
5.Draw or paste something 'obscene' on pull-down wall maps or movie screens.
6.Get some of the punch cards that you school uses for taking attendance.
Punch new holes in them either with a keypunch machine or a screwdriver. Then
switch the cards with others wherever they are stored. If you can figure out
the code the cards are punched by this has even more possibilities. You can
often be just as effective without actually repunching the cards by
redistributing them a few days after you collect them [particularly when
they're used for attendence].
7.Start an information service to let new students opinions and warnings
about the teachers and administrators before enrollment day.
8.Bad food? Have a good old fashioned food riot.
9.In gym classes or in hallways between classes have massive searches for
'lost' contact lenses telling people not to walk through the hall or 'you might
step on it'.
10.If your school still has s dress code protest it having everyone do
something disruptive that does not violate the code. For example dye your hair
green with food coloring.
11.Free all the animals in the biology classroom.
12.Write a 'consumer report' on the 'education' you've been consuming.
Distribute it to parents at school functions.
13.Periodically have students go to the office to have some rumor confirmed
or denied.
14.Perform citizen's arrests of administrators for destroying the minds of
youth then telephone the police to come and take the criminals into custody.
[This would be an excellent guerilla theatre action].
15.Rip off dishes and silverware from the cafeteria -towels from the gym
-stencils and paper from the duplicating room -layout equipment from the art
and drafting departments -tools from the wood shop and light bulbs from the
sockets. Give them to a needy movement group.
16.During lunch turn on and light all the gas jets in the science labs.
17.Demand to see your school records on file. [Everyone can see them.]
18.You can make a very effective fuse by inserting a non-filter cigarette in
a book of matches so that it touches the head of some matches and will ignite
them when it burns down that far. Then loosly crumple paper around the matches
and cigarettes so that they are hidden. Toss it in a wastebasket or any other
area with a lot of papers preferably in the office. It takes 5 minutes to
ignite - by then you can be on the other side of the building. Practice this
at home before trying it.
19.Have giant coughing or sneezing epidemics in class or study hall.
20.Rub lipstick -glue -vaseline -or shit onto the doorknobs of the school's
administrative offices.
21.Swallow some snake bite antidote then walk into the principal's office.
The antidote [most types are harmless - make sure you get that kind] will make
you vomit. Do so all over his carpet -desk -clothing -etc. then apologize
profusely.
22.Pick up some dog training liquid at any pet store - it smells like
concentrated piss. And if you can't figure out what to do with that then you
shouldn't be reading this.
23.Remove contents of teacher's mailboxes. Print up everything that's
confidential or interesting.
24.Leave notes and hints that 'Tuesday's the day'.
25.Impersonate parental voices and make irrate phone calls to the office.
26.Make a super stink bomb out of Hydrogen Sulfide and put somewhere in the
ventilating system. This has cleared school buildings for days.
27.If your school has a suspended ceiling[that is a ceiling composed of
rectangles or squares resting on a frame so that the rectangles can be pushed
up] you can put a dead fish -or anything else -above them. Or put it into
empty lockers and glue them shut.
28.Put signs on your locker saying 'this locker will self-destruct if opened
for inspection'.
29.Give your school library a subscription to a good underground newspaper
from your area and insist that they make it available to students.
30.Print up false notices frequently using the same format as the school uses
and distribute them to the teachers' mailboxes. Eventually they'll never know
what to believe.
31.Make your own passes -forms -tickets -etc. -or lift them out of teachers'
desks.
32.Need a signature? Collect things that have teachers' signatures on them.
Paste them all down on a sheet of white paper and either xerox or print up a
bunch of copies. Forge when useful.[When getting started you might put a piece
of carbon paper under the signature with the carbon paper facing down on what
you want signed. Then trace over the name with a steady relaxed hand.
Practice makes perfect.]
33.Do some revolutionary wall painting.All you need is a can of spray paint
[red?] plus a little imagination and courage. Then write your favorite slogans
on walls -sidewalks -blackboards -etc. If you are a perfectionist you can make
a stencil -but that limits the size of what you can do. WEAR GLOVES or you
will certainly get tell-tale paint on your spraying finger.
34.Are certain teachers or adminis- trators misbehaving? Print up a rat
sheet with their names and telephone numbers and distribute it. Now students
can call up at any time and reprimand them - 3.00 A.M. for example. Also you
could order them pizzas -plumbers -think big!
35.Break into your school at night and burn it down. To get inside you can
either hide in the building during the day and wait until the janitor leaves
[know in advance what time that is] -or come in later at night and either force
your way through the door -find an open window -or break a window [see Monroe
Mindfuck]. If you use the latter method do it a few hours or days in advance
so you don't get caught if it attracts attention. Be careful not to leave
fingerprints - wear gloves all the time if possible. Once inside make sure the
walls will light well by placing loose paper or wood around them -or squirting
lighter fluid -kerosene -or gasoline onto them. If alot of burnable boxes are
stacked in one area spread them around. Start the fire from the inside of the
building so it will take longer before it can be seen from the windows. Make
sure the fire has a way to travel from one burnable area to another. Of course
you should wear dark clothes and know exactly where you are going when you
split.
36.Get hold of a film to be shown at a school assembly and splice in parts of
another movie of your own choosing before the assembly. A little imag- ination
on your part will make for an unforgettable day.
37.Clog up the drains of sinks with clay then turn on the water after
everyone leaves school.
38.Teachers often leave gradebooks -conduct sheets -and attendance records
unguarded. Take every chance to help yourself.
39.Put up posters all aroun the school. To make them stick permanently use
Pet evaporated milk for glue.
40.You could ice-pick tires as a warning - but make sure you have a total
enemy before you put sugar in their gastank.
41.Start wailing in the halls
42.If you can't find any skunks -let chickens loose in the school -or
pigeons.
43.Creat the 'WEB OF THREAD' in your classroom.Have everybody in your class
bring a spool of thread - with extras for people who forget. Tie your thread
onto something and pass the spools around till you run out - winding thread
around everything. [It is best to pick on one of your more dullwitted teachers
for this one]. Expalin that you did it in the name of art.
44.Carry and pretend to sell oregano rolled in papers ans aspirin with the
name filed off.
45.Put Calcium Carbide [available in some parts of the country as 'Gopher-
Go'.also available in some hobby and joke shops] in a gelatin capsule and flush
down a toilet or sink. Calcium Carbide reacts violently with water -quickly
producing large amounts of gas and bursting pipes -etc. as soon as the water
disolves the capsule.
46.Ride a bicycle down a busy hall.
47.Save your book reports and essays. Give them to other students to use
next year or re-use them yourself with different teachers.
48.Play with lighting and microphone controls during 'important' assem-
blies.
49.Flush things down the toilets [preferably faculty johns] like baloons
filled with air -baseballs -M80's -huge amounts of toilet paper -etc. Then
build an ark.
50.Start a campaign to have the letter Z appear everywhere as the mark of
angry students.
51.You can short-circuit the school's wiring by taking a regular plug with a
short cord attached -connect the 2 wires with a switch between them. Plug it
in -turn the switch on -and you've blown a fuse. Turn it off -pull it out -and
try another. You don't have to use the switch -but if you don't sometimes the
current will arc and weld the plug to the socket.
52.Set up a fake school and hire away the lousy teachers - or put up notices
inviting the entire school to a going away party for a teacher who isn't really
leaving.
53.Read the school budgett. Reprint and distribute a list of the stupid
expenditures.
54.Take booze to lunch in a thermos and pass it around.
55.During some important test [SAT/ACT/etc.] on each subject have some
student who is good at that subject stand up and read the correct answers for
as long as possible. When they're finished or silenced have someone else stand
up and do the same thing. The test results will be worthless and it will have
to be given over at great cost to the school.
56.Take down the American flag in front of the school and put up one of your
own. The best way to do this is to lower the flag that's already up replace it
with your flag and cut the rope about a foot below where the flag is attached.
Then tie a slip knot around the other end of the rope that is hanging down to
raise the flag. At this point there is no way your flag can be lowered without
someone climbing up the flagpole.
57.Put alarm clocks in various lockers set on 'loudest'. Set the alarm
clocks so they will go off about every 10 minutes then close and lock the
lockers.
58.Have a group of people march around the school with a flag singing the
Star Spangled Banner. If the administration tries to punish you telephone your
local radio stations and patriotic groups and complain that your school is
being run by pinkos.
59.In a class where there is a rule against chewing gum have everyone blow a
bubble at the same time one day.
60.Many schools have automatic sprinkler systems which go off automatically
when sensors in the ceiling feel too much heat. Find the sensors and hold up a
match to them.
61.Persuade the graduating class to use their senior gift money for something
useful or subversive.
62.Reprint SchoolStoppers Textbook in your underground paper or on a leaflet
or buy bulk copies and pass them around.
63.Demand that all equipment being stored rather than being used be made
available to students.
64.If your school won't have a teacher evaluation make up some forms and do
it yourself. Compile the result and publicize them to students -faculty
-school board -and community.
65.Use your 'free choice' book reports -term papers -etc. to read
revolution- ary literature and further the poli- tical education of you and
your class.
66.Have a student lie on the ground. When a teacher comes scream 'he jumped'
and point to the roof or third floor window. Mumble 'Fred dared him' or 'Maybe
it was LSD.'
67.Make an address list of disliked adults in your school. Answer sex ads
for them - or order them a few gross items [C.O.D. of course].
68.Toss handfuls of BB's on the floors of busy halls -assemblies -graduation
ceremonies -weddings -funerals.
69.Steal cafeteria trays or plates -burn large holes in them -and turn them
into the school washer saying 'I guess the food did it'.
70.Leave phony letters of resignation from teachers or administrators on the
principal's desk.
71.Get a small group to always carry screwdrivers and slowly dismantle the
school.
72.Lots of bomb scares tend to break up the boredom especially during exams
or on beautiful days.
73.Photograph teachers and adminis- trators constantly - even without film.
74.If you've got the nerve piss in your pants while giving an oral report.
75.Splice into your school's intercom system [from a remote hidden spot].
Now you have your own guerilla radio station. Play on!
76.Drop large bottles of ether in science class.
77.Hang your teacher! Hang a hangman's noose from a tree - make a dummy and
hang the dummy from the noose. Pin notes on it like 'Weatherbee in '73.' To
add realism put holes in the body then let dilute ketchup trickle down.
78.Newspaper stands in buildings are usually left unguarded. Take out papers
and replace with rotten comics or papers.
79.Put a rotten apple or stale sand- wich on teacher's desk.
80.If your school intercom has phones that connect into the intercom switch-
board -put a small magnet either where the cord comes out of the handset or in
the part where you hear. If the intercom just has a speaker -put the magnet
near or on one of the elec- trical connections of the speaker. In either case
it will short out the system. It may take weeks for them to find the trouble.
81.Take the door of the administration offices off its hinges but leave it
standing there so that when the principal tries to open the door in the morning
it will have a slightly crushing effect.
- posted by Chad @ 00:31
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8.6.04
Introducing the TV/CABLE TV TURBO-TUNER
The Turbo Tuner will be a fantastic device employing digital tuning technology with the equivalent of 15 station simultaneous tuning. Why so many Tuners? Because with todays commpressed digital cable and satelite channels flipping from one channel to the next can take an annoyingly long time, often more than a second between channels.
The TURBO-TUNER will solve this problem and then some. The TURBO-TUNER will allow you to use our unique throttle like device to advance from one channel to the next with an instant and seemless transition.
Imagine a strip of film, with each frame being each channel that you subscribe to, now image advancing up and down that loop of film, seemlessly scrolling from one channel to the next, no abrupt black screen or flash, just a seemless scrolling up or down your loop of channels. Direct tuning and advanced Picture in Picture/multi picture display will also be available.
The main feature that the TURBO-TUNER will offer you, is the ability to "more" literally "SURF" the cable box, you control the speed of which you "FLY" through your available channels.
This is the set top box that you cannot live without.
- posted by Chad @ 10:24
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7.6.04
Laura has left for licensing fair and will be there all week. WAH!, much missing her already. It was so lonely to come home to the empty house, well not empty we have Bali and Lola but still something seemed amiss. It's very rainy and apparently will stay that way all week.
watched movies this weekend, PAYBACK which was very good yet I keep falling asleep towards the end. I think I watched it too late.
I got the xbox live hooked up and can't wait to battle me foes online, It should be a real blast, and yet I find myself wondering why I never really play my PC online anymore?
Perhaps I have just been in a gaming rut. Nothing seems all that critical right now with games.
I hate sales meetings and we have one coming up in about 30 minutes, I've already run my TPS reports ;) so, hopefully they will leave me alone.
- posted by Chad @ 10:17
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3.6.04
Inflation in milk prices. DAMN! Lyndon Larouche was right. I remember many years ago, around 1980 or 1984 hearing, listening to a Lyndon Larouche presidential infomercial were he went on and on about milk becoming expensive and how we as a people seriously needed to pay attention to this fact. The sad thing is that I wrote him off as a nut and never gave the issue much thought.
Not anymore buddy. After last nights trip to my grocers dairy aisle, I will be giving this issue some serious brain power. Milk was priced at a freakingly high $3.19 a gallon. I don't think that I've ever paid more than $2.00 for a gallon of milk in my life. When you couple this with the price of gasoline I think the only word that comes to mind in inflation. Perhaps it is more sinister.
Consider the incredible facts:
1.Gasoline prices rise dramatically at the height of SUV sales
2.Soccer is at an all time high for children
3.All soccer coaches recommend milk drinking for players
4.Soccer Moms now pay HIGH price for GAS and HIGH price for MILK
5.SUV's just happen to get poor gas mileage
6.Kid's are getting fatter ie. Need more milk to satisfy them
It all makes perfect sense.
- posted by Chad @ 10:48
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2.6.04
Jeffie has told us a way to get into any movie for free. The only drawback is that it seems to only work if you are alone.
You purchase the ticket
You fold it in half
You purchase a drink from the concession stand
You walk through the usher gate with ticket folded
You watch the movie
You return the un-torn ticket saying that you bought it for a friend and that they did
not show up.
If the person doesn't believe you, say, "what do you think I go around watching movies by myself?" and then you leave.
Caution: If you do this everyday, the ticket girl will probably catch your scent. Believe me you don't want that hound on your tail. She will tree you like the movie stealing bandit that you are.
There you are laying in your dog house that you made for yourself. Where are your on-screen hollywood friends now? Movie Pirate! The theatre manager will stick your hand in the popcorn kettle and brand his own version of "popcorn" justice on your scolded and burnt paw. "Keep out of my movie theatre, you mutt", he will scream at you. As you leave the cinema complex your tail hangs low. btw, you are a German Shephard.
- posted by Chad @ 14:56
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Oh Wednesday, you whore of a day.
Here we are at the world central command post of independent anime sales. Well the view is wonderful. I was just starring out the window with my mini-scope 25 x 30mm Carson spy glass. I think I must look like a pirate. I was trying to spy on someone with my spyscope and I could tell that there were numbers on their page, but I could not read what they said. Damn! so close and yet so shaky.
I think I have figured out a novel method of stealing candy.
First pick a restaurant that has free candy.
Then sneak past the hostess saying that you are meeting a friend inside
Then go to the bathroom and hide.
Wait for about 20 minutes.
Walk by a finished table on your way back out.
Make sure your pants are unbuttoned and your belt loose.
Push out your stomach and rub your hands on your belly.
Comment to the hostess that you ate too much.
Say something like, "I better have some mints to calm this down".
Take a big handful as you leave.
SCORE!
- posted by Chad @ 11:06
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1.6.04
Back from the holidays. Oh, how I remember Friday last when is seemed that we would never have to return to work again. Three days is such a nice break from the normal 2. It is 50% more after all and that is all that I ask, but I ask for it every week. Four days of work, three of rest. It would be a perfect system, the whole world would be happier also.
Yesterday was memorial day where we ate water-melon and Barbequed bird in celebration of the memorial day. 800 US soldiers lost since last memorial day, give thanks.
time for the Monday sales meeting. cheers.
Follow the link and ignore all the text you can't read, scroll down and click on the English Titles of different videogames. Each will take you to a nice picture of a toilet found in that videogame. This is the best videogame toilet collection I have ever linked to. Promise.
- posted by Chad @ 20:50
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30.8.04
Propaganda Panda drives a rental car
He is trying not to fall asleep because
he care for all peoples safety. I think he should stop
at the gas station and get some coffee.
Thank you propaganda panda!!!
- posted by Chad @ 14:26
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Let's get right down to BRASS TACKS!
Some dumb inventions
1. USB powered mouse camera, Imagine a computer mouse that also takes pictures
2. USB powered mini turntable, control with your computer or web a small turntable
3. a broom with a rear-view mirror for sneaky sweeping
4. a cereal bowl with a push button emergency drain hole in the bottom.
5. Fake roller skates, they only look REAL
6. PLUSHY FURRY soft drink COZE's (drink holder things)
7. DVD amray with automatic sliding drawer, like a CD ejector
8. Adapter plug for garden rake, that if you hang it on a powerline, you can plug things into it and get free electricity (free cause you are stealing it)
9. Hammer for breaking bubble gum machine windows, allowing easier access to prizes.
10. Pizza knife, a knife shapped like a pizza slice, for cutting perfect slices
11. a clock that doesnt work for telling the joke time
12. a rubber box for protecting pencils
13. carpet that looks like a hamburger
14. a USB powered machine that blows out candles
- posted by Chad @ 10:51
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27.8.04
we break rocks at work even though we think we are doing nothing, our gut knows and we are breaking rocks every minute.
- posted by Chad @ 17:40
|
75 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza
1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
12. Stutter on the letter "p."
13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Change your accent every three seconds.
16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Imitate the order taker's voice.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
31. Ask to see a menu.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
44. Try to talk while drinking something.
45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
48. Be vague in your order.
49. Use CB lingo where applicable.
50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
59. Put them on hold.
60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
65. Haggle.
66. Order a one-inch pizza.
67. Order term life insurance.
68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
75. Order a steamed pizza.
- posted by Chad @ 12:24
|
26.8.04
Just gonna say it?
Yes I want a free iPOD but I am not going to fill out any damn fake account with AOl to get one. Not only that but I don't want a new SUV either, I like my 97 JEEP, and it needs a bath which is just one reason why I don't want to buy a new car. Sure my jeep gets alittle damp on the drivers side floor board, something to do with the air conditioner water drip thing. More trouble with water, why yes thanks. The refrigerator somehow someway is forming a small amount of ice at the bottom of the freezer door, how this is happening I don't know. Not only that but our bedroom bathroom toilet is drip drip driping on the inside from the tank to the bowl which causes it to recycle randomly in the middle of the night, I know its a problem with the "clapper valve" which in my head I keep calling the crapper valve, or the crapped out crapper valve. It's a new toilet for Dr Crappers sake.
The thing about the Ipod is that I don't want to be bothered with filling out all the forms to get a free one, but I equally don't want to pay $300 for one. So mentally it all balances out that I:
1. Dont want the bother of all these online semi-scam get a free Ipod
2. Dont want to pay $300
3. Dont want a used one
4. Dont want to use my perfectlty good cassette walkman anymore (because of the existence of the Ipod
5. Kinda pissed off about the hole thing
6. THis reminds me of the fact that I completely don't use My VCR anymore because of the existence of PVR's and TIVO, which I also don't have. The fact that I don't have them doesn't stop them from ruining my use of my current owned tech.
- posted by Chad @ 10:14
|
Blogger you are a complete bastard sometimes.
I just wrote a really good long post, I hit publish and you took me to a broken place, when I used the back button my big nice post was gone! I hate it when you do that and so do a lot of other people. ARGH! or is it ARRGGHH!
Anyway I am as mad as SNOOPY about it.
Basically i was posted about what a rip DVD's were.
20 years with VHS and I never had a problem watching a movie, and with DVD like every third one, skips to some random chapter or dumps me back into the menu.
- posted by Chad @ 10:07
|
23.8.04
The USS Tribunal - over 40000 pieces of LEGO. A lego minifig crew of 49
Check out this amazing creation complete with all living areas and life support systems.
http://www.brickfrenzy.com/space_tribunal.html
Amazing ship! 5 decks which pull out of the superstructure as shelves. This guy Adrian Drake has an incredible site.
- posted by Chad @ 09:48
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20.8.04
There is a new machine at the post office that is designed to do away with the humans who work there. It was once a joke that the people working at the Post Office were like machines, now they are actually going to be legitimate plug in the wall machines.
I hate the new machines, you have to put your credit card in and then even if you want to continue with another transaction you have to redo your credit card within the machine.
- posted by Chad @ 14:45
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Show about Dolphins on Discovery Channel
There was a really amazing show about Dolphins on the Discovery Channel. I like these nature shows much more than their motorcycle building shows that they have been showing lately. The Dolphin show began with the advanced aspects of Dolphin culture, including their pod communities and different "occupations" of different Pod members. I find the dolphins fascinating because they are so much like us. One focus was a dolphin named Charlie who was a entertainer for his Pod and for others. He was a "clown" dolphin and performed more than 200 shows per year. Often these would be for other pods, but it was how he made a living as a dolphin. Most dolphin comedians perform in black face which is a little controverial in our human world, but in the raceless world of the dolphin, its just considered standard form.
Charlie uses charcoal to "paint" his face and considers his comedy stylings to be from a classical school. He has said that his humour like balet is all about the theoretical relationships between straight lines, especially as they relate to the left and right of the persons body or soul.
- posted by Chad @ 11:26
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17.8.04
craptacular.
MS Explorer is a craptacular program. My favorite pet peeve when it crashes is when I pull up the ever useful ctrl-alt-delete End Program box, and it tells me that the Program is not responding when I try to end program.
Yeah, no shit, guess why I'm trying to ctrl-al-delete it.
- posted by Chad @ 09:20
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13.8.04
Incredible.
It's back to work for me at the old anime feed mill. Although its good to hear the voices of my old customers, I can't help but feel a little bored to be back, after yet another open heart surgery, the old grind of selling anime is feeling kind of empty. I can do so much more, so perhaps I should.
My neighbor is going to teach me how to modify digital cameras to take high res infrared photography, which can be neat.
Had some really nice thai food yesterday, high on the old spice o meter, and good for me.
It was up the street from Funimation at the Top Thai resturant, and is becoming a regular haunt for FUNimators.
Wanna meet folks from FUNi?
TOP 5 FUNimation restaurants:
5. Top Thai, Rufe Snow, North Richland Hills TX, 76180
4. Don Pablo's, Rufe Snow at NE loop 820, North Richland Hills TX, 76180
3. Sandy's, Rufe Snow at Dick Lewis, North Richland Hills TX, 76180
2. Giovanni's Cheesesteaks, Rufe Snow at Dick Lewis, North Richland Hills Tx, 76180
1. Tony's Pizza, Rufe Snow Dr at Mid Cities, North Richland Hills TX, 76180
- posted by Chad @ 10:19
|
6.8.04
Brickshelf
It is a really tough call. To build with Minifigs or use what I call the MicroFig scale. Building with minifigs introduces a lot scale problems which really starts to require an enormous amount of Lego bricks to create a sufficient craft, on the other hand Using the MicroFig scale, even a 3x2 blue slope can become a rather large intergalactic transfer ship. Clearly the advantage here goes to the MicroFig scale. However, before we just give up the brick, lets look at reasons why you may choose to build on the minifig scale:
-more challenging
-for public lego competition
-Fun to continue the adventures of the Lego space force.
- posted by Chad @ 10:04
|
4.8.04
Sean Hewlett, 18, says: "The substance nylon is so called because its inventor said it could stretch from New York to London - hence NY LON."
�Claire, 15, says: "The average human brain processes about 1billion chemical reactions a second."
�KC, 16, says: "111,111,111 squared is 12345678987654321."
�Claire, 15, says: "The average human brain has about 100billion nerve cells."
�Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
�Your nostrils take turns inhaling. You breathe through one for about 3-4 hours then switch to the other one.
Info Monkey
�Ian, 14 says: "14% of computer games have monkeys in them."
Peter, 15 says: "A toilet flushes in the key of D flat."
�Vikki, 15 says: "75% of photocopier breakdowns are caused by people photocopying their bums."
�Rebecca, 14 says: "Pneumonoultramicroscopics-ilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest word in the Oxford English dictionary."
- posted by Chad @ 18:45
|
�James Stenner, 16 says: "5 out of 4 people can't do fractions."
�Jake, 15 says: "We spend about 3 years of our lives on the toilet!"
�Pearce Dowling, 12 says: "A guy's penis is approx the length between his thumb and fore-finger."
�Rhys Turner, 12 says: "Our geography teacher is the missing link."
�Senior Toenails, 13 says: "Mucophagy is the medical term for eating snot."
�Mia 'n' Amy, 12 say: "You lose 30 calories snogging for one minute."
�Gazza, 14 says: "It is a well known fact that not many people watch the BBC anymore." (Yeah, but the website still rocks Gazza!)
�Becki, 14 says: "It costs between �1500 - �3000 to keep a prisoner in jail for 1 week. This is more than it costs to stay in a 5-star hotel in London!"
�Nosey Parker, says: "98% of people pick their noses. 50% then proceed to swallow the results. Studies show that 60% of those who used their index finger to pick their nose had bigger nostrils then those who used their little fingers. 25% of those who swallowed their nose pickings admitted that they found the 'salty' taste to be pleasant."
�Simon Asaad, 13 say:, "If you were counting out loud, it would take you 32 years to reach 1 billion."
�Grace, 13 says: "Collectively, Americans eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second."
�Grace, 13 says: "Americans consumed more than twenty billion hot dogs in 2000."
�Grace, 13 says: "An American chews an average of 300 sticks of gum in a year."
�Grace, 13 says: "An average American eats approx 60 hot dogs per year."
- posted by Chad @ 18:38
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'�Philomena, 16 says: "Approx. 7 people die per year from a vending machine falling on them."
�: "The average smell weighs 760 nanograms."
�Jacob, 12 says: "We produce over 30 bathtubs of saliva a day."
�Nina, 14 says: "Your feet are exactly the same length as the distance from your elbow to your wrist."
�Phil Horton, 15 says: "When you sneeze, snot comes out at 100mph!"
�Kaz, 16 says: "Every time you hit your head, you lose over 1000 brain cells."
�Alaric Hobbs, 13 says: "Your left foot is usually bigger then your right."
�"No piece of paper can be folded more then 7 times." (Go on - try it!)
�"The common house fly hums (or buzzes) in the key of F!"
�Freya, 12 says: "A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field!"
�Sean Lowe, 15 says: "In nature, nearly every measurement is relative to another by a factor of 1.61 (which is half of pi)."
�Stephen, 14 says: "Two rats can produce over one million baby rats in 18 months."
�Stephen, 14 says: "People in the city have more earwax than people who live in the country."
�Stephen, 14 says: "If you drive, you spend two weeks of your life at traffic lights!"
"American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class."
Dominic P, 14 says: "About on third of the dust in your Hover is dead skin."
�Aravind, 15 says: "If you 'pass gas' consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb."
�Coral, 15 says: "You cannot touch your face with your elbow."
�Roro, 16 says: "The name Wendy was invented for the book Peter Pan."
�Roro, 16 says: "According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense, punishable by hanging."
�Claire, 13 says: "You are more likely to be killed by a piece of office equipment than to win the lottery."
�Jim, 16 says: "Computers send more information every day than in all the conversations since man first spoke."
�Sophie, 14 says: "Cats have the largest eyes of any mammal, relative to their size."
�Sammy-Jo, 14 says: "Nose prints are used to identify dogs, much like humans use fingerprints."
�Paul Doolaie, 15 says: "If Bill Gates distributed his money all over the world, each person would get 30p."
�The average women will eat 7 sticks of lipstick in her life.
�There are more than 200 kinds of chili peppers, but none of them belong to the pepper family
�An apple, onion and potato all have the same taste! The differences in flavour are caused by their smell. To prove it - pinch your nose and take a bite from each - they will all taste the same!
- posted by Chad @ 18:35
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�Anita Getalife, 19 says the sky is actually green but we are all colour-blind.
�Ryan Pearson, 13 says, did you know orange peel lasts longer than a tin can?
�Jon, 15 says, it is illegal to pee in public unless it is on the rear left wheel of your motor vehicle with your left hand above the wheel - it�s true
Alex, 13 says: "Eskimos use fridges to keep food from freezing".
�Alex, 13 says: "On average 100 people a year choke to death on ball point pens".
�Alex, 13 says: "When Ketchup leaves the bottle it is traveling at 25 miles per year".
- posted by Chad @ 18:27
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�Based on what we know and can reasonably imagine, there is no chance of any human travelling beyond the edge of our solar system, ever. It is just too far.
�If you were randomly inserted into the universe, the chances that you would be on or near a planet are less then one in a billion trillion trillion. (The is a lot of space in Space!)
�When we see stars in the sky, we are not seeing them as they currently are, but how they were the number of light years they are away from Earth.
�99.9 % of the mass in our solar system went to make up the Sun.
- posted by Chad @ 18:24
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• I will no longer eat Reeses pieces because I fail to see any cultural interaction between ET and any of my other chocolate treats.
• I would like to own a water well and a large plot of land
• I would like to own all mineral rights to that land
• I will smelt metal from my land and manufacture paper clips of extra-ordinary qualities
• They will cost $4.00 each
That is all.
- posted by Chad @ 18:22
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The new bank of america is as ugly as you'd think it'd be.
Just up the street and in front of the united nations of wal-mart that ruined the empty field.
Inbetween the nice fields and pasture land that other houses covered up as a re-decoration and improvement upon the blank grassy green designs.
A Biege building of square form with fake stucco sides but not even a fake style to speak of. It is plenty modern and will probably make money for the shareholders, bless them.
Fact: The average Earth human visible color of our universe is beige
agents of the world remit, a time and place for youth misspent, surrender dreams this time for change, a real page turner.
victimless crime of a novels decay, i realized i wasn't holden caufield that day, beating heart on an angels wing, traffic jams and oil of olay.
back to the world and the day to day, standing in the field still wanting to play. Saving our souls one by one reminding everyone to have some fun.
the past is now seperate like a comma in a stream, looking for a dream compass for directions to spring.
Follow the heart they say, meaning the mind, heart shaped cards, heart shaped candy, that shape, that thing. The real image in your head.
we go forward everyday.
- posted by Chad @ 15:08
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25.10.04
finishing Case Closed episode 79 and 84, feels good., about another hour to go.
finding the right darn walla.
- posted by Chad @ 22:05
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We have made our big move to the 4th floor. It wasn't as bad as I feared, meaning I didn't pass out while trying to clean out my office. I throw away a few years of outdated files and other paper stuff, not to mention a box or two of unwanted action figures, things for which the irony or mirth of having them have passed.
So I sit. Still need to get a new bulb for the Lava light. Thankfully I was able to reach the flouresent lights in the ceiling and by giving them all a half turn, render comforting darkness on my work area.
My first episodes of directing should be done tonight. I will turn them in tomorrow and hopefully will make a transistion to full time directing within a week or two.
I hate to spend two much time decorating my new space as I want be here very long, but it is rather sparse for my likes. All of my action figures are in a box, waiting for a studio to decorate. In any case I really need to get a new 40 watt bulb so that my lava lamp can shine on.
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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20.10.04
Morrissey Foretold Diana's death
The incredible true facts concerning Morrissey, Princess Diana, and Morrissey's encounter with a flying saucer.
- posted by Chad @ 17:34
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101 YEARS IN 101 WORDS
101 Years in 101 Words
Each year one new word above others breaks through and enters popular usage.
Source - Larpers and Shroomers: The language report
1904 hip
1905 whizzo
1906 teddy bear
1907 egghead
1908 realpolitik
1909 tiddly-om-pom-pom
1910 sacred cow
1911 gene
1912 blues
1913 celeb
1914 cheerio
1915 civvy street
1916 U-boat
1917 tailspin
1918 ceasefire
1919 ad-lib
1920 demob
1921 pop
1922 wizard
1923 hem-line
1924 lumpenproletariat
1925 avant garde
1926 kitsch
1927 sudden death
1928 Big Apple
1929 sex
1930 drive-in
1931 Mickey Mouse
1932 bagel
1933 dumb down
1934 pesticide
1935 racism
1936 spliff
1937 dunk
1938 cheeseburger
1939 Blitzkrieg
1940 Molotov cocktail
1941 snafu
1942 buzz
1943 pissed off
1944 DNA
1945 mobile phone
1946 megabucks
1947 Wonderbra
1948 cool
1949 Big Brother
1950 brainwashing
1951 fast food
1952 Generation X
1953 hippy
1954 non-U
1955 boogie
1956 sexy
1957 psychedelic
1958 beatnik
1959 cruise missile
1960 cyborg
1961 awesome
1962 bossa nova
1963 peacenik
1964 byte
1965 miniskirt
1966 acid
1967 love-in
1968 It-girl
1969 microchip
1970 hypermarket
1971 green
1972 Watergate
1973 F-word
1974 punk
1975 detox
1976 Trekkie
1977 naff all
1978 trainers
1979 karaoke
1980 power dressing
1981 toyboy
1982 hip-hop
1983 beatbox
1984 double-click
1985 OK yah
1986 mobile
1987 virtual reality
1988 gangsta
1989 latte
1990 applet
1991 hot-desking
1992 URL
1993 having it large
1994 Botox
1995 kitten heels
1996 ghetto fabulous
1997 dot-commer
1998 text message
1999 Google
2000 bling bling
2001 9/11
2002 axis of evil
2003 sex up
2004 chav
- posted by Chad @ 13:42
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The Incredible True Facts of Space
Fact: The new toothpaste will not satisfy your appetite for a new toothpaste taste for very long. Before you know it you will switch again.
Fact: The difference between too hot and not hot enough is apprx. 7 seconds in my microwave.
Fact: Brushing my teeth before bed is more satisfying than brushing my teeth before work.
Fact: Hyper-Space travel makes your breath smell like fungus.
Fact: You will gain a little weight every year.
Fact: The garden hose has a very small leak in it.
- posted by Chad @ 11:54
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The best thing about working in this brick teat is that occasionaly I have truly random conversations. Coming upon so fine folks who have decided to take the keys off their keyboards and clean the gunk out, I nocticed a strange tatoo with the number 13 being part of it, Asked he responded, "that 13 is kinda a cool number". Yes it is I thought, and I said you know another cool number is 2..........
And right then Matt looked up and said 3, perfectly mathching my "23". That is just cool. The joy of working around others that instantly recognize 23 as a magical number.
It's just nice knowing if I say "42" and laugh, that those around me know I am referencing Douglas Adams. That's all. The little things do make me happy.
- posted by Chad @ 11:49
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18.10.04
I dont know what the heck to think, but suddenly my post count has changed. A few weeks ago I posted post 555, but now it has changed. This is most odd.
We had a great dinner at the fondue restaurant the other night, Swiss cheese on bread, and white chocolate on fruit and marshmallows. It was very goooooood.
- posted by Chad @ 16:10
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ghost cartoon
A charming Ghost cartoon for your enjoyment is posted at X-entertainment. Combines Halloween and Bo Jackson fun for double hand drawn pleasure. Boy, is it funny.
- posted by Chad @ 11:20
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14.10.04
ringringringringringringring
Bananna Phone calling...Are you brave enough to answer. Simply fun phone responsible for the stock market crash of 1929. Listen to it twice and you will forget your troubles.
- posted by Chad @ 11:03
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13.10.04
Unfinished Poem 1:
crabmeat on a cracker
cheese in a jar
I like Christmas snacks
?
-----------------------
incredible true facts of space,
how about those apples?
Let me tell you something about Elvis!
Magnets are evil and waveforms lie
vibrate you silly robots
Encounter gravity's hollow well
heat death and star birth
these things are like music to them
twin galaxy of anti-matter
what color is your cheese?
- posted by Chad @ 14:43
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It looks like Bali was suffering from hair-ball-itis, so we have some vaseline like stuff that we are to make her swallow. We are very thankful that it isn't anything serious.
btw
Have you ever tried to smear something on the roof of a cats mouth?
It is a game of great skill and bravery mastered by very few.
- posted by Chad @ 14:37
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12.10.04
The Bali cat is at the vet,
she has been throwing up lately, I hope it isn't serious. Cat's do that you know, throw up. It is in their nature, Bali has gone though throw up spells before, and we have even sent her through tests before to try and find something wrong.
Let's think of the Bali cat and say a little prayer. We need her to be healthy always.
We love the Bali Cat.
Be well Bali!
- posted by Chad @ 10:55
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11.10.04
work:
its a beautiful building underground.
a hundred people weighted down.
each the others mirror,
.... and a donkey and a carrot on a string.
when you hear what the others scream,
when you dream a recurring scene.
the space is hidden from real view, the views hidden from the real you.
and the time is a wall in the mind, its not the world but your mind, this sign.
and your burried in the ground,...
let's hide in this space.
let us hide in this place.
your mind is hidden in this space,
your vision is hiding their face,
your mission is creating this space, and you dream't this sound.
you dread the recurring dream, wanting the faces of the others unseen.
its all the same to them, its the same scene,
obscene.
you want to see the world from their view,
have them want the real you.
and just to
see the buildings from their view,
perhaps to build the real you.
and the things that you want to believe,
are just signs that are meant to deceive,
now remember the real you,
the dream that you thought you once knew.
that building is falling down,
and the walls inside are beige.
the people inside are vague.
and the false dreams may have been better spent
in a forest, in a lake, in a tent.
looking down at this town,
all the buildings we found,
the architecture is unsound.
the architecture is not found.
and the style of this place,
6 billion people underground,
6 billion people underground.
- posted by Chad @ 15:23
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GLITCH ART
The GLITCH. The crash, unintended, systematic override of design into individual freedom defines the best defense against creeping post-modernism. The escape is found in the art created by our creations, when they self creatively if not self aware, lose their mind, or create their own and give us the most honest creations possible.
The first clitch art I remember was that of a strange pocket calculator I found as a child. I thought at the time that it was a time machine. I don't really have any reasons for having thought this.
The calculator "time machine" displayed seemingly random patterns on its LCD display, perhaps its little ram chips were fried, but it had a logic to it and a reason for sure. The patterns it created were beautiful.
Like finding a magic lantern from another dimension, it played out cryptic messages that belied its original purpose.
In college a friend had a old car with a trip computer in the dash. Somewhere on its journey to old age the machine had become horrible confused or perhaps posessed.
It would display all manner of strange symbols, and even allow you to interact with its creations. Looking like broken Russian symbols translated by a alien culture into their own syntax, the patterns created by its 8888888888888888888 display units, and its ............................... matrix display area, were bizarre and they were art.
Videogames runs incorrectly through not quite capable emulators, 2600 games "fryed" by careful abuse of the reset switch. These are all part of the GLITCH.
Join the Glitch.
- posted by Chad @ 09:38
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7.10.04
Laura's new silver jelly bean has bright lights and buttons, it is almost as pretty as her. Now to figure out what all those buttons do.
Little dog has expressed her approval and we are cautiously waiting for Bali to make a maiden voyage. Hopefully we will all take a trip before or for Christmas.
- posted by Chad @ 10:00
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1.10.04
LIFE Lessons hidden within Engrish instructions for homemade shooter game:
"'Suicidal explodion' game with new feelings. Blow up self to involve enemies!"
----LESSON---- Like Captain James Tiberius Kirk, always look for ways to solve the impossible. Just as the Captain defeated the impossible to win test of Star Fleets Kobayashi Maru.-------------------------
----LESSON 2------ Suicidal Explodion may in fact involve your enemies!, but then have you not become your own enemy? Balance is required to see the true outcome of your actions----
"When the game is begun, because the boss comes out suddenly, please push down."
----LESSON---- When the boss comes out too suddenly "PUSH DOWN", he will not see what you were reading. This may save you.-------------------
"With the circumstances of personal, to rearrange the contents, the low power output on stream. It does circumstances of personal fearfully with ? forcing ones
----LESSON---- Sometimes it is easier to pile co-dependent feelings on the ones that are personal to yourself. You should instead rearrange these contents. Your output stream of Karma is not a circumstance of your fear. Don't force the ones you love, yet always love the ones you must force.--------------
This is me standing next to a canon that I purchased from the internet. It was once used to scare children away from the meat processing plant in Mobile Alabama. More recently I have displayed the canon on the bank of the Ms. river. Hundreds of people enjoy standing next to it and it is free to fire it at the water if you bring your own gunpowder and projectile. The funniest thing that I have shot from this canon is the movie Cannonball Run. It survived the trails and tribulations of the explosion and its quick tracjectory into the river bank. When we watched the movie later that evening we were awe struck by the comedic candor and fun had by the cast and crew during their gag reel. Those fellows seemed like they were on gas.
- posted by Chad @ 23:21
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Bali will hunt you down to China town. At night time when I am naturally bling, Bali sees the world in pretanatural Blue. She can track mices on 7 continents using ancient technique from 8paw Jedi cat.
- posted by Chad @ 23:11
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We do not like to be st ared at our eyes.
- posted by Chad @ 23:09
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Bali and Lola have fun in the back yard. I miss the green grass.
So obviously this is a pre-Chuy picture and it it from the time of the green grass was late summer some time before the glaciers came and covered the yard with ice.
I just kicking the tires on this new Picassa2 software from the great Montesorian Google folks, and also another little bit of kit called Hello from the same.
Well, it works I suppose.
- posted by Chad @ 23:01
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29.1.05
CINGULAR wirelesss / owned by SBC
I hate Cingular wireless. I was angry with them and then I gave up realizing that it was my Saturday that I was wasting trying to give a shit about phone service that is not even required. The thing is that I don't have to have a cellphone. It is not worth this level of frustration.
STATUS:
-4 year customer
-Fullfilled contract
-Must convert to new GSM phone (due to Cingular/At&t merger)
Know this. Cell phone companies, stores, kiosks, salespeople are frustrating. The system does not work. No one knows what the hell is up, No one gives a shit, Just pay your bill on time and shut the F*ck up.
AT&T wireless, Cingular, and SBC phone service are all one Giant mess of a conglomerate. Because they are all essentially one stock issuing entity, they try to find ways to "SYNERGIZE" their efforts.
One thing they started with was bundled services. They send junk in the mail offering this, and they sell it to you over the phone with annoying telemarketing.
Offcourse when I say them I mean some drug addict working at a shit house call center some where who does know fuck anything about telecommunications. He does however have access to some of your personal information. Thanks assholes. (AT&T, SBC, Cingular)
So if you find an error on your bill and you call SBC, to waste a few hours of your life trying to get out of paying them extortion money, you may actually make your way through the maze of touch tone "get rid of anybody without a lot patience" options. Once you do make your way to a real person, they will probably try to offer you a chance to save on your bill with bundled services.
I did. I saved 10 bucks on month on the $160 or so I pay them each month for Landline telephone, Wireless telephone, and DSL internet.
No big deal until it came time to get a new cell phone. Not that I wanted a new cell phone, but because of the merger of AT&T and Cingular I am required to get a new phone.
As an existing customer, I am not eligible for the same discounts as a completely new customer. In other words to get the really good price you must cancel everything, and come again as a brand new customer.
It gets worse. Since I have bundled services, I am not eligble for the Cingular online discounts. Cingular offers better discounts online trying to get people to buy phones that way instead of using their overcrowded physical offices and their dirty, smelly, stinking agents of which there are way too many of.
So, since I have bundled services, for some reason they will not allow me to log unto Cingular Wireless. Therefore I cant access the special deals available on the wireless site.
Yes I called and wasted an hour or so of my life, I tried to talk to a supervisor but was told that the wait to speak to an escalation supervisor was around 30 minutes. Too many other pissed off people in front of me.
One feature of Cingular wireless online service is that you can look up your bill online. This is not available if you are a "bundled service" customer.
A bundled customers bill would include his SBC bill and his SBC internet bill, which are the same company when it comes to paying value to the shareholders are run more like a trio of angry stepchildren than a family.
All I am trying to say:
SBC, dont look to me as a long term customer. I passionately hate you and everthing you stand for.
Cingular, dont look to me as a long term customer. I passionately hate you and everthing you stand for.
AT&T, once your name meant something. It is really sad to see what you have become.
When these companies learn to give a shit about customers it will be too late, we can hope that it will be too late anyway.
I hope they rot into pools of oil, like the dinosaurs they are.
I dont need the hassle of their bundled lifestyle.
Are you treated like crap by the mindless billing machines of MegaCORP?
you will.
Have you ever bundled all your telecommunications bills with one giant company only to be treated like a 2nd class citizen?
You Will.
- posted by Chad @ 15:08
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27.1.05
Incredible True Aliens amoung us:
They slow down in during Automobile turns.
No one knows why.
You drive behind them, the signal, or more often dont and
then as they turn they decelerate, you think to yourself, "what the hell is this
person doing". But they are only doing what is natural to them. They are aliens among us.
- posted by Chad @ 09:35
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22.1.05
MEET CHUY
his official name is "Pombredens What a Wookie" Me and Laura call him Chuy. He joins us in our home with Bali and Lola and stinky the troubled ghost.
Also this is a pic of me staining the hutch on purpose.
- posted by Chad @ 15:05
|
Click to see a video of Chuy and Lola chasing the ball
its a .mov file and not a very big one but I suppose that is all relative to what kinda modem you are running with, so go for check out the pups.
Also we stained some furniture today and it was the first time that I have ever stained anything on purpose.
- posted by Chad @ 14:55
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19.1.05
We've got a new puppy. His name is CHUY, pronounced CHEW-IE and officially Pombredens What a Wookie. He is brown fur and white spots and weighs in at 2.5 pounds. What an amazing little guy. He likes to play with Lola and Lola seems to enjoy his company too.
Bali just kinda wishes that both dogs would leave her alone and let her sleep or lay comfortably on the back porch.
We love our Chuy dog and our Lola dog and our Bali cat.
Laura and I both work too much.
- posted by Chad @ 15:56
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11.1.05
I tell you what, heh heh...
I'm Dracula
this is comedy>
Dracula applying for a job
"Hi I'm Dracula"
Dracula getting his car washed
"I'm here about the car, I'm Dracula"
Dracula playing a video game
"Dracula's princess is in another castle"
Dracula working in the Coal mine
He say, "my lungs are as dark as my soul"
Dracula playing the action game ConnectFour
"pretty sneaky sis, Dracula lose again"
Dracula at cocktail party
"Hi i'm Dracula"
This is my machine and its function is to write Dracula stories. It will write 45 stories every hour for fifteen million years and then it will stop. Directly thereafter it will tell jokes to children using sign language.
|
4.1.05
The new year is a time to be bold with new plans and to make all sorts of crazy resolutions. I resolve that I will start no fewer than 2 new web based businesses. I will make all manner of changes and new risks. I will....
make a list:
"In 2005 I will"
1. Develop more pictures
2. Buy something ridiculously expensive
3. Take the less obvious bath in business
4. Plank the attic space above my garage
5. watch more TV
6. Learn to cook something new
7. Throw out a lot of stuff
8. Re-decorate my home office
9. Piss off important people
10. See how far I can push Blockbusters No late fee policy
11. Get a new pair of sneakers
12. Leave misspelled words in place for comic effect
13. drink less diet coke and more diet cherry coke
14. Try to be strange just to amuse myself.
15. Moisturize
16. Encourage others to speak the year as, "20-OH-5" rather than twothousandfive
17. Get a pedometer because I want to know
18. drink more quality alcohol
Name: Kdaddy E-mail: goodrootz@yahoo.com City: Country: Homepage: goodorootz.squarespace.com Date: 06-Jul-2004 14:14:48 Message:
Jam Jip
Money Clip!
Name: magason E-mail: maga@mugu.com City: Country: Homepage: Date: 18-Aug-2004 03:03:09 Message:
nice site, waka ooooooooooooooo
Name: titfos E-mail: titfos@hotmail.com City: Fort Worth Country: USA Homepage: titfos homepage Date: 15-Sep-2004 23:42:31 Message:
This is idea from me, titfos, for making
special items. I would like to announce this on
the guest book because it is an most unusual
place to make such announcement. If you would
like to buy the things which I will sell,
perhaps you will find a way to do this in time.
PErhaps you will also have chance to see these
things first. Enjoy the future! everybody
enjoying themselves (in future)
I like your site!
With best wishes.
Tristramb Buckley.
They closed the 7-11 down the street from FUNimation. WTF southland corporation?
First you abandoned my home town of Mobile Alabama forcing me and my bicycle friends to make Circle K our new destination, albeit in the same building.
When I moved to Texas, I was so happy to make your acquaintance again. Your slurpees and deli sandwiches were always delicious. Why would you leave again, was it something I said or failed to purchase from you?
Sure I never bought cereal or frozen food from you, but come now, we both new you were no match for the grocery store. I thought we had something 7-11. I will now call you 86 because you have forsaken us. Sigh, "Big Gulp".
- posted by Chad @ 16:42
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14.12.04
34 years old today and I feel fine. It started early this morning with breakfast in bed from my Laura, a homemade egg mcMuffin, which was even better than the golden arches, Lola the super POM also enjoyed a egg breakfast, and she woofed it down as fast as Laura could scoop it into her plate. Bali came in and told me MEOW which is her way of saying Happy Birthday.
I opened my presents on the couch before getting in the shower. The goods:
A great message bag from jcrew, very soft old military green. Good stuff.
Gift cards for iTunes, GameStop, and money in the form of good old fashioned paper checks, which have already been converted into hard green spendables.
This is my favorite part, the deciding what to buy phase. I think I like this better than the things themselves.
So, I am at work now, and after a day in the salt mines, I will have cupcakes tonight and dinner at Los Molcajetes, which is a great Mexican style restuarant with tasty foodstuff.
You may be wondering how it feels to be 34. Here it is:
1. Have gained the ability to see 3 new colors
2. No longer need to tie shoes, just kinda able to let it slide
3. Able to change channels on television without physically touching television
4. Can simulate cruise control by keeping foot angle consistent on accelerator
5. Can smell the spice islands of the famed west indies when I do not bathe.
6. Ability to moisten envelopes without licking them
7. I still have the power to untoast bread.
8. I feel as though I have seen 12418 mornings.
9. I could have watched the large minute hand make 17,882,640 laps around the clock on my grandparents bedstand.
10. It feels kinda good, kinda the same, which also is good.
- posted by Chad @ 09:54
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13.12.04
there is a ghost in the room, fill the room with the brilliant smoke, we treasure teh angel as it raptures the broom, escoba. A single light with the soft serve, intrinsic fortune, all day song. pimple pac-man running from the spirit law.
Envelope of fear sends out chain letter impotence, as all the knowledge gently comes of age, electric. Your paranoid touches excite all future logic. Ravage me lymphly, and the world turns into the key, like coupon counting street gangs rendering invisible fragrance models and inciting blood riots in the calm garden of commercial rest. It was the day the ad agency had feared, your magical fingers unzipping historical evidence of love trust. FANZINE calibrations to media blender collects the dust of forgotten products another new invention.
techno shamanists as voodoo ointment for the excess, the drink now floating overhead performing old dance in perfect time on the color twitch sky. Retinal paints through chemical manipulation, "the sweetest thing said all day".
Water fountains are becoming so obsolete that children play games at their plugs involving dead mice and electro kaleidescopes which stimulate new languages inside the outlet. They don't speak anymore, the mice.
- posted by Chad @ 18:46
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7.12.04
so here comes the science. :
Lola mysteriously peed on the bed the other night. It was so strange and out of character for her. Why did she do this? So we cleared our minds of it and wrote it off as a odd one of time thing, which hopefully it was. I took the sheets to be dry cleaned and the people at the cleaners checked them out carefully. It made me realize that they must get some pretty funky sheets in from time to time, I imagine some people just cruise up with unholy murder on their sheets and expect them cleaned no questions asked for $15. Not me pal, Laura and I had already cleaned the sheets with natures miracle. I wouldn't want to just spring urine soaked sheets on them.
PART II
Inventions
light things using LED's with Zach's help. This is a priority one item.
Bike lights, generators for bike lights, and bike electrical accessories. This is a good idea to. Lets fit the generators with electrical storage so they hold a charge for a little while after peddling starts. This could be done with some capicators.
LED lights lighting, lighting accessories.
Directing case closed continues to present new challenges but we are taking the show in a very theatrical direction with heightened realism and very dynamic characters.
little ale'Inn
Immediately I saw the toads start to levitate. First one, obviously and then the entire ditch load of toads. The harmonic buzz appeared overhead. I remember the shed in ET and I was wondering why they had a shed, not having a father, but the shed, seemed so Norman Rockwellish that somehow it defied the nature of the single mom, I was thinking about this because of the Reese's Pieces that I was eating and because of the small gray alien approaching me.
The damn grays' broke my leg again, just like they did last time by whacking the shit out of it with a cricket bat. As I screamed in pain I could see them warming up their little saucer, the sports model, and then as the air around it began to ionize, they were off, shaping time and space around them so that they darted most unnaturally away from the scene of the crime, the levitated ditch full of frogs and my broken leg.
Giant Spanish boats loaded with rare corn grain arrive to give solace to the corn eating fools that live beside the bay. The ship foreman drives his Spanish fist into the console, this signals "snake" his right hand man to pull the red lever labeled "all-stop", distance to dock is now 5feet, distance to dock is now 4 feet, GOOD.
All is good, corn is safe, and the people are pleased, Frenchman are eating corn and smiling, they have no fear about the lack of corn in their diets, there is no place that they will have trouble purchasing the corn stocks for their households. A indian lost from his Spanish tribe walks face in hand the troubled streets of Mobile.
Lady Emerald Flomaton, purchased a bag of corn for $17.00 and now she is making her way to the market where she will get rich selling corn cakes to the tourists from Florida. All the tourist come from Florida. Thousands of old crippled Americans from up North, ironically travel to Mobile from Florida. They come in old Buicks and they ride in air cushioned buses and they all head for downtown Mobile, looking for Corn-Cake.
Florida is a container of sorts for old people. Once the old people rippen becoming age 67 or blind they head for Mobile with a desire for what they call good living.
Lady Emerald Flomaton plans to give the people what they want, at her prices.
CORN-CAKES ---now selling for $500, you could hear the little children yelling their fool heads off. You could hear the little scallions with their bare feet, "slapity, slap-slap, CORN CAKES 500 DOLLARS".
The old people were trading in their old cars for a taste of delicious corn cake. One old man tried to prove his blindness by waving his hands in the air, another old man tried to fake his blindness by selling pencils. Ignoring their foolishness and concentrating on selling sweet sweet corn cake,
Lady Emerald was making a fortune for the third time this year.
The driver of the boat smiled. The man pulling the lever began to stop pulling the lever. The ship began to vanish, and the bay was left empty. Nothing was left except for the smell of corn cake. In the downtown Mobile area, the French heritage was becoming stronger and the smell of corn was quickly diminished by the smell of the French.
Mobile was always paying tribute to these old fools, always flying the flag for France.
A dozen dazed old people wandered around aimlessly, looking for delicious, delicious corn cake.
Me, Zac, and Chris, climbed up on Zac's steep pitched roof to reach the highest spot in our neighborhood, all to get a view of the red moon eclipse on Saturday March 3. We were fully decked out with a "Krebstar 3000 Skyscout, a pair of military grade binoculars, and two cameras, so I should have some pictures to post soon. The red moon eclipse of March 2007 was best viewed from Africa, so central Time Zone Texas was at a disadvantage for the viewing. Just as the moon rose above the flat Texas horizon, it was about 90% eclipsed with the eclipsed portion having a reddish hue. I thought it would be more red, but it was brown to reddish, I guess it would look more red if you were in Africa or some other place with better visibility. We enjoyed the eclipse for about 15 minutes and then it was over. All done by about the time the moon was 4 or 5 moons above the horizon. I carefully crawled using the reverse crab dance down the steep roof, and dangled my foot until I found the ladder, then I took that leap of faith unto the shaky ladder.
i feel like a balloon, or a baboon balloon
A baboon balloon in a steel cage
inflating into the bars, trapped by my
own excesses. The fat helium expands my
skin. There is a string tied to my foot and it
binds me to this hollow earth.
I am spherical my mass similar
to Jupiter in tight pants.
Thelma and Louise 2 "The Car can Fly"
Right after the girls drive their car off of the cliff we see them freeze frame mid flight, and the credits roll. The sequel would pick up from this moment with the car streaking through the air, finding its airfoil and stabilizing into a dramatic flight through the grand canyon (making it perfect for Imax 3d presenation) - In this movie the car becomes sapient and strikes up a conversation just after the Grand Canyon experience, it tells the girls about the universal fight for justice and equality and that they "thelma and Louise" were chosen to fight for the rights of ordinary folk, the car which prefers to be called "T-Bird" tells of a race of being not too unlike us, and tells of the selection process that led to T&L being chosen.
T-Bird speaks to the girls in the same way the Charlie of Charlies Angels did. Thelma always just wants to run off to some bar and get drunk, while Louise is always wanting to use the cars powers of flight to go off shopping.
The movie cuts back to police men on the Grand Canyon rim, amazed and dumbfounded at what they have just seen. We cut to a close up of Harvey Keitel who asks, "Did you just see what I saw"? and then the other FBI man says "Negative" I didn't see anything and neither did you!" which is a bit of foreshadowing about the real origin of the flying car and or the FBI's knowledge of such a thing.
Then in a moment of self referential humour, Harvey Keitel character looks at his hands and say's, "sudenly I feel like 18 years older, eih eih eih, What a day".
Cut to the FBI man:
he gets on the horn and says, "Frank, looks like we got us another Roswell!, the girls just went Tango7. Get the boys in DC ready, we need to find them, and we need to find them now!
Cut back to Thelma and Louise and T-Bird
T-bird is his british accent, "Ladies, Our first mission is code named, "Origin" I need you to find out what the hell is going on with the FBI, what do they know about my race of people, and how did my body get stuck in this car?"
1 comment:
Thank you for that insightful comment about the Tennis rackets.
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